So I wanted to talk about my current situation with coming out. Since it's been stressing me out for a long period of time. I currently live with my dad and step-mother. I've been really meaning to come out to my dad, but there's a bit of a problem: My Dad is really against me being homosexual. He's not really against homosexuality in general. He's not religious in anyway, and he's even a democrat. (Not that all religious people are homophobic. Not trying to generalize anyone here.) He's more of a "I don't care what people do. As long as it's not my child." type of guy. He's told me many times that I can live whatever life I want to in the future as long as it doesn't involve me being a homosexual. He even threatened to kick me out of the house if he ever found out I was. I've never actually come out to him. But me, my sister, and even my psychiatrist have come to the conclusion that he does know, but is trying to convince himself it isn't true (or that he can change me). He's constantly bothering me about getting with a girl. Whenever we go out, he tells me to check out a passing girl, or look at her behind. He claims I'm irrational because I've not shown any interest in girls, and even told me that I needed one to make my life better. We've never directly talked about this subject. It's sort of a wordless conflict. And it really confuses me why he doesn't want me to be gay. It's not like I can help it. My sister claims it's because he was raised that way. My Dad grew up in Venezuela and he has said at one point "If you were gay when I was growing up, you would NEVER tell anyone". I've heard that some Hispanic cultures were anti-gay, and I'm not trying to generalize anyone for their ethnicity or where they grew up, because I know not all people are like that. I've also considered the possibility that because I'm his only son, he wants me to carry on the family legacy or something. I mean, there is this thing called adoption. It's sort of a tricky situation. Because I'm still in High School, and I still live with my dad. And I'm still financially dependent on him. I know I need to wait. But I wish I knew how to deal with the stress. I did come out to my sister last summer, and she was totally fine with it. (She's openly bisexual herself, and has a boyfriend at this point, but my Dad denies it and is convinced she's "cured") Every time he bothers me about girls or the fact that I don't have one, I want to just yell at him and tell him I'm gay. But I know I can't do that. Anger's not the way to go. I know some people have worse situations than me. And that I should really just suck it up until I move out. The only saving grace at this point is that I am single, and I'm not really looking at the moment. Mostly because I'm still closeted. But one thing is for certain. When I move out and become independent, I WILL tell him. I want him to know. Whether he gets crushed or not depends on him. He can either love me for who I am and support me, or he can feel the pain that I am feeling right now. I've considered coming out to my Step-Mother. She has no problems with homosexuality, and she's one of the sweetest women alive. If I told her, it would be easier to come out to my dad, because she would be able to help me. However, for some reason, I've been reluctant to tell her. Is it weird that I don't fully trust her yet? I don't think she'll tell him. But maybe I'm just not ready yet.
Your situation is pretty common in a lot of ways. While I would love to tell you to do what's best for your happiness (which would be coming out to your dad), it's certainly tricky seeing as you're financially dependent on him. It seems like you're open to the idea of waiting until you're out on your own, and so while this might seem like a good option, if you find that not being able to tell him is tearing you apart and you can't hold it in anymore, it might be better just to tell him while still living with him. This might not be something that happens tomorrow - it could be a year from now - but maybe if the rest of your family supports your homosexuality it would be better to tell him in one year than in five.
That's tough; I'm sorry that you have to be constantly bombarded by negative messages from your dad. Fortunately, you're already 18 and hopefully it won't be too long until you're able to be independent. For what it's worth, I agree with you, your sister, and your psychiatrist that your dad either already knows or at least deeply suspects that you might be gay. Given that he hasn't actually kicked you out of the house or forced the issue, I see a little bit of hope that he might be able to come around given some time. It's his job to provide you with unconditional love and support, but try to be a little bit patient with him; I think the cultural difference from growing up in Venezuela is probably difficult to reconcile. As for your step mom, if you feel like you need an ally then talk to her about it. I'd probably be very hesitant to tell one parent and not the other though as that's a pretty big secret to ask her to keep from her spouse. It's more important that you feel safe and not alone though.
Thanks for the replies, everyone! Yes, I'm most likely going to wait. I'm feeling a lot less stressed after I typed all of that out and posted it. It's amazing how talking to others about your situation can really get it off your chest. While I may still get stressed from time to time, I do realize that it will get better with time.
