This is my first time using this website. I came seeking support as a woman in my forties who is in a relationship with a female friend I have known for nineteen years. She is openly gay and has expressed her attraction to me a few times over the years. I had never felt this way toward her in the past. I reached out to her soon after my son left the nest. After not seeing her for several years I was surprised to feel drawn to her in a romantic and physical way which I never expected. We are very happy together. Our relationship is more healthy than any of my past relationships. It feels so natural to me. My immediate family has been surprisingly supportive. They accept us and it's wonderful. I play roller derby and I am out with my league. They love us. My confusion is this: Why am I uncomfortable being open with the rest of the world? I find it really hard to openly admit that I am in a relationship with a woman. I have never identified myself as a lesbian and I question that. I fell in love with a person who is the same sex as me. I don't know if that makes me a lesbian. I have been attracted to women before but could not see myself having a relationship with one. Now here I am wondering if it's important that I come to terms with the fact that I am a lesbian or not. Is this just another relationship? Obviously it is more than that and I need to find some clarity. Ellen Page said something in her speech about being tired of lying by ommission. This is exactly how I feel. I lie to co-workers and friends outside of my roller derby community, as well as the rest of my family. Am I also lying to myself?
Welcome to Empty Closets! So, first off, you are not lying to yourself. You could be lesbian, you could be bi, but it sounds like you're a lesbian. And as a lesbian, it's perfectly natural for you to have a relationship with a woman. Your being gay makes it, just as you said, a normal relationship. However, I, and many LGBT people, fear rejection from the public eye and don't want to make things public. That is probably why you are afraid to go public as lesbian. I suggesting watching the Fine Bro's kids react to gay marriage. These are kids, and only one out of thirteen is anti-gay. That is HUGE! If these kids are so gay-friendly, think about the rest of the community and how supportive they must be.
