Nothing in any order here, just random and jumbled up thoughts and rants. So, first off, I'm a gay teenager that lives in a very conservative town near Dallas. Most people around here are anti-gay, homophobia everywhere. My parents, especially my father, are very homophobic. Constantly throwing "gay jokes/insults" out and I have to try really hard not to just blow up. He constantly is putting gay people down, and it just really hurts. So many times, I've come so close to "I'm gay, so will you stop with your faggot jokes already" but I can't, as he'll probably send me off to some church or something to "fix me". It doesn't help that I've never had the best relationship with my dad, and most of the time when we are alone, it's an awkward silence. Some of my best "friends" are huge homophobics as well. Everyday in the locker room, for example, you get some butt spanking and some "Dude are you a fag?" questions everyday. Heck, to some extent, even my teachers are homophobics. In history for example, one day our teacher, when talking about same-sex marriages, said that "It's their decision if they want to have a gross life like that." The very small amount of kids who have come out at my school, about three or four, are constantly ridiculed about it. Finally, this is one of the biggest problems I have. Girls. I find myself constantly leading girls on, "dating" them, and then dumping them. I tell myself to stop, but you can't go longer than a week without dating someone here before someone questions your sexuality. The "I'm not interested in relationships" thing doesn't work here. I'm actually trying to get out of a "relationship" right now, but can't bring myself to do it, as I don't want to hurt her. She's a really nice girl, but I'm gay an all, so it doesn't really work out. I have no interest in dating girls. Sorry if this is long, jumbled, and just a bunch of run on, but I need to get it all out.
I'm sorry you're stuck in this situation. My parents don't make f*g jokes all the time, but several of my teammates do, and I feel like saying the same thing sometimes. It really sucks to sit by and listen to it all the time, especially being afraid to come out because you're afraid of other people's reactions. If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to send me a private message sometime.
This thread just made me really mad. It reminded me of my high school experience. I was never picked on but I know what its like to watch people bash and insult gay people and fighting the urge to say "I'm gay". But when your trapped in a very conservative environment you probably won't have much support. I would advise not telling your father until you come to a point in your life where you know you would be able to avoid such harsh treatment (financial independence, college, etc.) Try to see if there is some friend you know who is supportive of gay people. Is there any liberal person in the school who you could talk to who could also keep his or her mouth shut? And I know you are just 14 so you will have a few years before this is an issue, but make sure you go to a liberal college. That way once you graduate high school you can at least find people who will accept you. The worst decision I made in my life was going to a conservative Christian college due to my parents pressuring me to do so.
sorry you have to be in this situation. i find it amazing how some places are so anti-gay and some places could care less if your gay. one thing to keep in mind is to never come out in an argument. and i would advise not coming out to anyone yet. normally i would encourage people to come out, but for you i would defiantly wait until your at least living alone or in college and don't rely on your parents. as for school, i find it crazy that teachers of all people are homophobic. i wouldn't come out at school. one thing i would do, is stop dating girls. it is not what you want, and when you do come out when your older (especially with homophobic parents) you will get the "but what about all those girlfriends you had???" response from them. and people shouldn't think your gay because your not dating anyone. and if they do, then you could always bring up that you have dated girls before, you are just now waiting to find the right one before dating again. i would just wait it out. i know it hurts just sitting there in the closet. thats what I'm doing, and it does suck. just be strong, and i wish you the best of luck for your future.
Thanks for the responses guys. It's nice to know that somebody cares. Yeah, the people I spend the most time around are my football and basketball teammates, and the jokes are very annoying, and hurtful at that. Yeah I didn't plan on coming out to anyone anytime soon, especially since I rely on my parents for housing and food, etc. Once college rolls around though, I'll be sure I try to head to a college where I can be surrounded and support by people like me. Yeah, the teachers being homophobic is almost the worst. You get paid to teach the subject you are teaching, not to teach hate. Again, thanks for the replies guys.
I have the same relationship with my dad and he's homophobic too. The people at my old school are but I just moved last week and the people at my new school don't seem homophobic at all. I hope you all the luck in the world :goodluck:
So, I figured I'd bump this instead of starting a new thread. Today on a school field trip, pretty much the cutest guy in school was talking to me. Then, he started acting "gayish" (humping, talking about BJ's, etc.). I was getting pretty horny fantasizing, and luckily I was wearing a baggy jacket so you couldn't see my erection. Then, he proceeded to say that he was joking and that "gays were gross". Why must the cutest, straightest, and most dbag acting guys must be such teases? Ugh.
I know. Everybody popular (which contains a lot of cute guys) are even worse at my school. But, homophobes be homophobes. I've got to fight the urge to say "Hey. I'm offended." any time my friend calls someone a f:***:g. Then again, that guy (who I only try to be friends with because he is kinda cute) doesn't even know what f:***:g means, so...
