My 16th birthday is not far away, and I'm planning to come out as a pansexual to my family when that day comes. I will wake up before they come to wake me up, so I can leave a note explaining my sexuality to them and then I lock myself in the bathroom until they have told me they support me. It may be a cowardly way to come out, not to mention how easily it could backlash, but my family is supportive, and I have all my confidence in that they will at least try to understand. Except for one person. My older brother. Who has harrassed me before. I'm far from sure that he will take my sexuality seriously, on the contrary, I even expect the opposite. And he does have a deal of influence on my younger siblings as well. Mostly my little brother, though, who's more likely to be a bystander than an active aggressor, but maybe even my sister will disrespect me and my sexuality. I don't think I will actually be at risk, maybe I'm overestimating my parents, but I'm sure they will support me even if my siblings don't. But I'm sure it will feel really tough to have all of my siblings against me. And I have no idea what to do if it goes that far. What can I do to avoid this?
I would advice that you come out strong. You want to display vulnerability, not weakness. Hiding in the bathroom is weakness. Letting your parents know that coming out as pansexual is a very difficult thing for you, that you need their support, and that you fear for how your siblings will treat you displays courage, even though it shows the vulnerability that you have. Decency will require them to help you, and you will be acting like an adult by doing it this way.
All my siblings used to be against me. But then they grew up and I'm actually friends with my sister now (they were always my favorite though). And also I think you're being pretty smart about this. Because if you lock yourself in the bathroom you don't have to talk to them if you don't want to and they can except you on their own. :goodluck:
I forgot to mention that the only reason my parents could turn against me in the context of my sexualiy would be because they tend to be tone policing. And if my brother disapproves of me, I will be mad which in turn will make them tone police me a lot. It wouldn't be as bad as me getting thrown out or physically hurt, but I sure would feel abandoned.
I'm sure you'll be fine with your parents. As for your brother I have a similar situation with mine as he is a racist homophobic dick I still love him but he is a terrible person, so I have chosen not to tell him maybe you could leave him in the dark because of his reaction. Anyway your only 15 you have all the time in the world to tell him maybe when you or he moves out. Good luck and keep us posted.
I don't think you should come out on your 16th birthday. If you do and it goes wrong, which hopefully it won't, your prevailing memory of that day will be of you. In the bathroom. Waiting for them to reassure you. I agree with what one of the other posters said. I think you should come out as confidently as you can. At least try to look confident on the surface. If you can't do that then don't worry about writing a letter. It doesn't make you a coward and there's no right or wrong way of coming out. For a lot of people, writing a letter is the best way. Anyway, good luck. And whatever you decide, I hope you have an awesome birthday.
