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my boyfriend wants me to come out for him

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by red13, Feb 17, 2014.

  1. red13

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    hey i'm a gay 17 year old, and i recently started a long distance relationship with a really hot guy, and i really have strong feelings for him, and he wants me to come out for him. where he lives (L.A.) its pretty normal for people to come out, but where i live (Utah) the community is mostly homophobic judgemental mormons. it's really hard to come out around here. what should i do? should i come out? or should i tell him i'm not ready? help?
     
    #1 red13, Feb 17, 2014
    Last edited: Feb 17, 2014
  2. TheShyGuy

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    Only you can decide when you're ready to come out. I don't think you should be pressured/forced into coming out, like I almost have been.
     
  3. King

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    Have you even met this lad yet? I could understand his concerns if your relationship was to get more serious over time, but don't do it if you are not ready yet.
     
  4. Jared

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    I wouldn't do it until you're ready, especially for a LDR, honestly most of them don't last. I know people who caved into the pressure and they regret it. I live in LA, but I grew up in a small rural town where coming out was insanely hard. A lot of my gay friends who grew up in LA/SF don't understand or appreciate how hard it is to come out in a conservative religious environment. Most of them never had to go through that
     
  5. mbanema

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    I can definitely understand why your boyfriend would want you to come out if you're closeted and he's not, but I'm not sure if it's as important in a long-distance relationship. Whether your family is cool with you being gay or not, they may have some objections or reservations about a long-distance relationship since you're still a minor, particularly if you met online.

    Regardless, I think you'll enjoy life a lot more once you get it over with and are finally able to be open about yourself and your relationship, but don't do it unless you have a good support system in place, feel safe, and are ready to do it on your terms. This is a major event in your life and is not something you should allow yourself to be pressured into.
     
  6. Chip

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    Come out because *you* are ready, not because anyone tells you you should... particularly if it is a long-distance relationship. There's no burning need for you to be out if the two of you are a thousand miles apart. Why is he pushing you to come out?

    Also, not to be a party pooper, but have you actually conversed with him over webcam rather than just seeing pictures? There's an awful lot of deception that goes on, and you owe it to yourself to make sure that he is who he says he is.
     
  7. red13

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    yes we have web chatted before, and he even offered to come spend a few weeks with me this summer, but he doesnt want to spend those weeks hiding our relationship from people
     
  8. Im anonymous

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    If your not ready then tell him that. You shouldn't come out until you're ready and only you can decide when that is. :newcolor: :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride: (!!)

    ---------- Post added 18th Feb 2014 at 02:06 AM ----------

    And plus I feel like he should understand that you're not ready to come out yet