Looking back, 2013 was by far one of the toughest year of my life. I came out to my friends and lets just say that things didn't workout well, how? Some of them said that it's ok with them but then again they said that they wouldn't support the lifestyle that i will have or that i'm leading to. This confused the hell out of me a lot, i mean I don't understand how people see sexual orientation as a lifestyle? Seriously, how is my sexuality a lifestyle, to be honest I wish that it was a lifestyle so that I could change it, but somehow I can't changed my sexual orientation, i mean i don't know why but i guess you are who you are and I wish people would understand and see that. Not only did that bothered me but what even bothered me more was the fact that some of the guys pressured me to have sex with them. However, i said no means no and just because i came out doesn't mean that i want to have sex with every guy or i'm some type of lab experiment, but they didn't get that so i ditched them. Now, i've lost all my close friends because of my sexuality. It's hard getting support or having someone to talk to. Therapists? All i can say is that i went there confused, and i came out even more confused because all i'm getting are questions. Sometimes i wonder if they are truly there to help people or for the money. Anyhow, lately i've noticed that every time i think about my sexual orientation i go into a depression mode. For example, i lose my appetite, i can't focus on my school work, and i lose my motivation for workout. In fact, i didn't do well last semester because of my sexuality, and i feel like i'm going the same path again in this semester. (I was debating for a week whether i should post this or not, but i did it) Anyways, i guess coming out toward friends can be rough for some of us, and i just hate how some people have a bad perception of others that are different than them. Tomorrow, i have to come out to another friend because lately we've been having a debate over what the bible say about the issue of homosexuality, and i've had enough of him criticizing gay people.
First things first, get some new friends who will accept you for you. These "friends" weren't your true friends to begin with since they wanted you to change and didn't accept you for the man that you are. I think that this is always a start to find people who might be in the same boat as you. That's certainly why I came to EC. Anyway, tell your "friend" that in the Bible, there's also the issue of wearing three types of clothing, women kneeling in church, giving 10% of your earnings each week, praying at every meal, not swearing, not masturbating...I could continue all day with this. My point is that everyone sins, and it's just utterly wrong that your so-called friend decides to judge gay people. Remember "he who casts the first stone". He's just as guilty of sinning as you and I are. Don't let school get you down. Judging from your post, I assume that you're in college. Great! Take the opportunity that you have NOW in college to meet people like you. That's absolutely one of the most rewarding things about college is that you can meet people with your same interests, and thus never be an outcast nor left out. And I doubt that your therapists are there for money. My university offers free therapy sessions for students, 15 for the semester and 30 for an entire year. They are an hour long session each, and you get arranged with a therapy who deals specifically with your type of problems (since you fill out a questionnaire in the beginning, so the staff can assist you further and place you with the right therapist). Try to see if your school offers that, and if not...try to find an LGBTQ alliance on campus or nearby.
don't get a therapist, haha, they just mess around with your heads for a bit. some of them even consider the whole "gay turning straight" conversion. of course since you're in college maybe there might be an alliance that just might help you out, depending on how you view things or how comfortable you are with your sexuality. when you come out the closet, of course you might lose some friends but you will gain new ones, and those friends you'll come to cherish for the rest of your life. at least you will live your life with people more accepting of who you are rather than what you need to be. if you don't want to live the "lifestyle", it's okay, no one's forcing you to, in the end, live your life the way you want it
ElpanaChevere: you're right they are not true friends just like you said and in terms of finding friends that have similar interest like i do, is not easy to find even in college, and I do like Emptycloset don't get me wrong, it's a great place for people like us, but i like when i talk with others face to face. My college also offers therapy sessions but I don't really like them because last time i went, my therapist said "Maybe you're gay and you're not accepting that" I was so shocked by that comment she made and after that i never went back. That comment made me question my self even more and i ask myself every time i think about my sexuality whether i'm gay or bi. Just like Bolt35 said that they mess around with your head and he is right. and Bolt35 i've been to the gay alliance in my college and to be honest, i felt like it's run by kids because the place look chaos and no one is listening when someone is talking or they cut them off while they're talking, in fact that happened to me. ---------- Post added 19th Feb 2014 at 12:58 PM ---------- I know no one is forcing me but i have hard time finding that happiness within me.
I think that is really sad that these people who you thought were your friends aren't just because of who you are you can't change it.
Hey I feel you completely, I went through that with some of my friends... It hurts to think that some of the people you are closest to can just change when you tell them about your sexuality. Hopefully some of your friends are supportive, or like some of mine, just scared because they didn't understand and mend bridges. I remember one of my friends threw a bible at me when I told him and stormed out, didn't hear from him for like 6 months and he came to me to apologize, now its almost a year to the day that I came out and we are closer than ever. It does really suck though when people don't accept you but the people who do make it all worthwhile. Best of luck
yea sure, it happens a lot like the ymca, ywca, lgbt alliances, especially when it involves young people because a few cases, they don't really know how to interact with one another. it happens to me all the time and i just get a bit annoyed of putting my foot down just so people can give me a chance to talk and i get my point across (not that it's bad, it does get annoying when people don't respect what you have to say). i totally get where you're coming from. i'm sure there's a really good one somewhere nearby, and you'll definitely find it. i always say things based on experience.
It's good to know there are people out there like you, who can understand others situation because they can relate to them, but anyhow that's crazy how your friend threw a bible at you. To be honest, i've lost my faith on them and i don't think that even if they come around, i'll be able to accept them.You see i was there for them when they needed someone to listen to, shoulder to cry on, and even financial support. However, when i came out and i needed their support, they treated me badly as if i'm their worst enemy, and i don't get it why because we considered each other brothers. ---------- Post added 20th Feb 2014 at 09:31 PM ---------- Thank you Bolt, i truly appreciate your advice and i'll definitely look into other places.
