I dont know how often it happens or anything, but I thought I was bisexual, nope, im lesbian.. I already told my family and everybody im bi... I dont want to "prove my mom right" in her saying I cant know for sure. I cant at all see myself with a guy.. i know what happened now.. I wanted so much to be normal that I convinced myself I liked the guy I was with for a year on and off so I could fit in with my friends....but it never stuck for long.. now I have an amazing girl in my life, as my other post said... but I kinda want to tell my family im actually lesbian... , cos dad asked about me having kids when im older.. I might adopt....
I'd venture to say that over half of the people who label themselves as bisexual when they first come out later determine that they are gay or lesbian. This is a normal and common part of going through the stages of loss (denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance) when we are losing our identity as "straight." The "bargaining" looks like "Oh well, I like girls, but I still feel attraction to guys, so I can still end up with a guy." But then... we get past that stage and realize that we really *don't* have any opposite sex attraction. (Before any bisexual people get offended... I'm not saying that there aren't bi people, only that a lot of gay people use the bi label to make it easier when they are coming out, but were never really bi in the first place.) And that's the other piece... people will use the "bi" label becuase it sort of "cushions the blow" to parents and loved ones. The problem is... that can end up confusing them more, because they'll cling to the "straight" part of the "bi" identity and assume it's a phase/you can't know becuse you're too young/you haven't met the right boy/whatever it is. That's BS... but remember that your parents, too, are going through the same stages of loss, but are a bit behind where you are. So... I think you can just tell your family, pretty much what you said above (and, if it helps, what I said about the stages of loss.) I'm sure they'll be OK with it, though it might take a little time.
I agree, it's very common and perfectly natural to change your mind about how you want to label yourself as you understand more about your sexuality and come to terms with it. Just to add to what Chip said, I'd say to remember that it's your own identity that we're talking about and so there's no rush to tell your family if the moment isn't right yet, but I can see it's awkward when they're asking questions about kids etc. Maybe you could try talking about how you want to adopt the next time something like that comes up. That way, it might make it easier for them to understand that this isn't a huge new "choice" or "decision" that you have made that they need to make a big deal about, it's simply a realisation that you have come to over time. Good luck with your family
You can still "have kids" as a lesbian. There are many ways to go about that without being straight or bi. You said you can't see yourself with a guy so why fight it. You love girls go with it. I have to say I struggled with that in high school and part of college years about being with guys until a beautiful girl came along in my life. I knew very young that I loved girls but I did the accepting thing. I dated guys for awhile until a girl I fell I love with knocked me over the head...lol I knew then and there that there was no going back. Be true to yourself and love who you love. Don't worry about all the rest of the stuff it will fall into place for you. Good luck with your amazing girl in your life!!!
Yes, good luck with everything. And btw my wife and I have a wonderful 9 yo son using an anonymous sperm donor.
AmiBee, That's a beautiful gift that you and your wife have a 9yo son... I wanted to have kids but we decided against it years ago for many reasons. I just love hearing about stories where lesbian/gay couples have children. I believe it is a wonderful/beautiful gift to bring a child into a loving relationship of any kind.
Hmm. I think that sounds like an option lol. Thats even better then adopting, the anonymous sperm donor
