Today, I went to a psychiatrist because, since December 2013, I've been diagnosed with depression. A revelation that I had in terms of my depression (that I've worked to for the past few sessions) is that being in the closet is not a good thing (obvious revelation is obvious, I know), especially if I'm hiding my sexual orientation from those I'm supposed to talk openly with. In my case, that would be my mother and my brother. Background (and I promise to summarise as best as I can): -I was raised by my single mother who, in the past, said things like "if there are two men or two women left in the world, the human race will die out" and other such invalid and fallacious cr*p. My brother and I followed suit because we didn't know any better at the time. And no, our family is not particularly religious; we spend a good portion of our lives in a dying conservative farming village. -Fast forward to present time, I have good reason to believe that their attitudes to LGBT issues have improved for the better; my brother is supportive of fairness for everyone in society (a 180 compared to how we were as children; he complains about his fundamentalist roommate and he laughs at the Westborough Baptist Church, especially since the Foo Fighters performed in front of them once), and my mother seems to be more accepting, or at least less homophobic (I don't think I heard her say anything bad about LGBT people in recent memory; she works as a care aid for a seniors' care facility, where apparently one of the male nurses is gay. I don't think she said anything negative about him). Back to this situation, my mother knows that I am clinically depressed (she is too, so she empathises with me) and she knows I've been seeing a psychiatrist. I told her that I had a revelation that will require time for me to process myself and for us to talk about extensively as needed. We agreed to talk about it on Friday at noon, which is when I plan to come out. What I expect: My mother explicitly said that she eventually wants my brother and I to get married and to have children. When I come out, I am sure she will be disillusioned with me having children, and by extension for the first few stages of grief to be overwhelming. When she calms down, (eventually), the most likely scenario will be for her to be conditionally supportive (she will be disappointed, but she considers me to be a big part of her life; as such, I don't find it likely for her to outright abandon me for long). What I anticipate to do: I'm sure she will have questions, which, as much as I don't know the answers, I will try to answer or guide her to the best response (she works in healthcare, so she is smart and capable of thinking logically). After the conversation, I plan to send her a link to PFLAG Canada's guide to parents by email for her to read (it is aimed for her as part of the target audience and helps explain things about coming out step by step without being overwhelming). After I come out to my mother, I plan to tell my brother via Skype. I expect him to be surprised, but accepting, and I plan to send him a link to the PFLAG Canada guide for family members. Yeah, I expect less drama from my brother than from my mother, but I could be wrong. If you are patient enough for reading all this, thank you. What advice does anyone have to coming out to close family? Am I (over/under)prepared? Anything else I should know or prepare for? The only family member so far I'm out with is my Aunt (father's sister. She talks openly with my mother, but she'd never out me on purpose), and I've had a good reaction from her (from an extended family member). I would like to thank everyone in advance for any words of wisdom for this endeavour.
Obviously I don't know your mother, but it sounds like her attitude towards LGBT people might well have changed from when you were younger. I can see why you're concerned about her reaction but it sounds like you have a very close relationship so even if she is not exactly waving the rainbow flag at the moment, it's likely she will come to support you. It sounds to me like you are already extremely well-prepared! As far as advice goes, I think my only offering would be that if there's a specific way you want to explain your sexuality, or if there are particular questions you think they might ask that you want to answer in a certain way, try saying it out loud to yourself first. It might not be a problem for you, but for me I always found it very difficult to actually get the words "I'm [insert label of choice]" out, and saying the words out loud when I was alone really helped to take away the mental block that I had against saying them. Other than that, all I have to say is good luck, really. It sounds like you are prepared very well to support your family as they come to support you, and it sounds like you already have a very close, supportive relationship. Hope it all goes well for you
Well, always remember that if she gets hung up on the fact of not having grandkids, you can always adopt. This thread actually helped me, too, by the way. I hadn't really given thought on how my parents would react, and now I think that they will be very supportive, doing things like telling my brother off when he makes a homophobic comment and saying that they were glad that so many people are coming out to the public. So thank you!
You're welcome. Most of what I planned was thank to my extensive research. I highly encourage you to do research as well so that you can make the best informed decision. If everything goes well, I will let everyone know how it all goes.
UPDATE: I just came out to my mother and brother. I expect the euphoria to come to me later. My Mother's Reaction: Better than I anticipated; to quote what she said, she's "110% behind" me. After I came out to her on the phone, she talked a bit about being careful about love (in that she's married to her second husband and is planning to leave him soon), and that as long as I am fine, she's fine (there will be people who don't think being gay is good, but they are not the type of people I'd be with anyway; it's impossible to please everyone). Overall, I'm happy and thankful for her support. My Brothers Reaction: As I anticipated, there wasn't much drama. Then again, there is very little reaction to speak of other than asking me if I'm "the flamboyant type." I said that I'm not flamboyant, and he said that he'll read the PFLAG guide I will direct him to. Overall, he's fine with who I am, but I'm disappointed that his reaction was just "meh" (which is not a bad thing). So there you go. The only thing I have to worry about is getting ready for an opera I'm going to tonight (my aunt gave me her ticket because she's not going to see it). Have a good day everyone!
