I could really use some help and support. I came out in December and am quite comfortable with me. (My initial so called support from family was just words. Cruel things have since been said and defended by saying that I am misinterpretting it. No, I'm not.) I have also come out to friends as genderqueer. No idea what other label to attach to it...mentally mostly male, emotionally male and female with a female body I'm happy with. I am very comfortable with my clothing...all mens/boys (except a bra my course!!). I have an appointment next week to get my hair cut. Femminine in a pony tail to quite short and boyish but not super short all over. After my hair is cut people will not assume I am straight at all. I wouldn't know how to describe myself besides not femme. My immediate problem is that I have no gay friends at all; not online or in real life. Plus I only see my straight friends about once a month. Apart from that its me and my kids. I am essentially alone. Am I completely nuts for outwardly expressing myself through clothes and hair with having no footing in the community (a big gay town as well)? Even though I okay with who I am, having no social life and feeling rejected by straight and gay people alike is a nightmare. I'm dying inside and have nowhere to turn. (Local groups are not an option...no childcare.) Thanks for anyone who can help...here is probably my last chance. :icon_sad:
I don't think you're nuts at all for expressing yourself. If anything, I think you're very brave for expressing your gender without being a part of a group. It's a lot easier to do anything when you have a group of people behind you, and the fact you're doing this on your own is amazing to me. My best advice would be do whatever makes you feel comfortable. If you're happy with how you look and how it feels, then stick with it. As for not being a part of the gay community, who knows? LGBT people might find you to be more approachable if they assume you're a part of the community as well. I hope things go well for you!
If you're happy with who you are inside and out then go with it. Expressing yourself for who you are is amazing! Good for you!!! If your kids are happy with who you are and you are happy then it doesn't matter what the world thinks of you. I am sorry you don't have the support of friends around you but it seems that you are doing just fine on your own. Love you for you and all else will follow. Best of luck to you!!! Enjoy life and live it to the fullest!
Thank you so much for all the support. It means the world to me! Going off the stages of coming out and stages of grief articles on this site, the only thing that keeps me from fully going into the pride/relationships and acceptance stages is lack of a social life. This drives me crazy cos I am so close to just being able to live and not fight anymore! As far as my kids go, one doesn't know yet but I will be talking to her in the next year or so (she lives elsewhere but, without going into detail, this a positive thing). Two of my kids are old enough to remember me with their dad but young enough that they will grow up with a gay mum being normal to them. My youngest will probably only remember me as queer. So all good there! Hopefully you are right and things will just naturally fall into place cos I will be recognised as being part of. Right now that's the only hope I've got. My friends accept me but even though I call them friends they are really just drinking buddies. Getting my hair cut is a massive final step for me and I'm terrified, lol! But I don't think I have a choice if I am going to move forward with my life. It's time for it and I think I need to stop letting fear guide my decisions. Now if I can only keep this strength up till my hair is done and I meet people. :bang:
Good for you! It's great you're taking those outward steps of self-expression. Drinking buddies are awesome! They're there to have fun with when you just need to get out/get away.
Thanks so much! I read your message earlier today and haven't responded cos I really needed to think about it. I do feel quite down that I have no real friends but you've opened my eyes up that I do have something. And the nights out we do have are brilliant and I would miss them (drinking buddies and nights out) if I didn't have them!
