1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Coming out to brother?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by freeinthewind, Feb 20, 2014.

  1. freeinthewind

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2014
    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Okay, hello everyone, I'm new here and I'm happy I found this place. So today I've gotten the news that my brother is moving out of my house as soon as he finds a place, leaving just me and my mom (whom I've already told). I'm trying to slowly be open with everyone and I want to tell my brother face-to-face that I'm gay but it took an hour or two of me steering the conversation with my mom towards the direction that my future partner would most likely not be someone of the female gender for her to ask me whether or not I like guys. It's really hard for me just to tell someone face-to-face, but I really want to tell my brother. I don't know how long I have left to tell him because he's in a rush to move out. He's also a bit of a drug addict so I don't know if he would be coming back to visit anytime soon. He moved out once before and never answered his phone, but this time he's actually taking time and making sure he is all set for where he goes. I want to tell him face-to-face but I don't think I'll be able to as he's never home or willing to talk to anyone for more than 30 minutes. He's not homophobic, but he has told my family that the one time he was around a gay guy he felt a bit uncomfortable (he's most likely straight as he has bragged to me about his "conquests" before and he writes poetry about a girl he's head over heels in love with but does not reciprocate it) and he uses gay as a synonym for stupid very often. Things are also very tense in my household as he and my mom fight often about his drugs and friends. Should I tell him and risk making the last couple of days more tense and have a small panic attack doing that or should I just let him leave and just come out to everyone except him (he's not coming back any time soon and if I tell him it should be face-to-face)? Thanks for listening
     
  2. GayCJ

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2014
    Messages:
    191
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Massachusetts
    Gender:
    Male
    Out Status:
    A few people
    You tell me. If you feel comfortable that you will get an OK response, then maybe you should write a note. And maybe just write an introductory note, but finish the conversation yourself. Because once they know, the conversation gets a whole lot easier.
     
  3. freeinthewind

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2014
    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Thanks, I wasn't thinking of writing notes, but it's nice to have another option. I do not know whether I would just leave it in his room or give it to him and then walk away, but I may take that advice. I will keep you updated :slight_smile:
     
  4. Treasury

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2013
    Messages:
    83
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toronto, ON
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I agree with CJ and to continue upon his post, I'd wait towards the end, I wouldn't want to risk your brother and you leaving on possibly bad terms. BUT, you should still find someway to let him know before he leaves, just not too early or you might have to deal with extreme awkwardness.

    I don't know how close you are with your brother, but he IS your brother, and he is going to be caring for you no matter what. Give him a note, write him a letter or send him an email. If he reads it before and has a negative reaction, he's going to be gone soon and he will have time to think about it by himself. He'll also get a chance to put himself in your shoes. If he has a positive reaction, perfect! You guys can continue on and chat about it via phone or whatever methods you guys use.

    However, if you are still feeling unsure, don't go for it. Trust yourself and remember, there will be so many more chances for you to come out to your loved ones.

    Cheers!