I'm in a weird situation here. I married someone thirty years older than me. His son and I used to share some mutual friends who generally thought I was a lesbian because I was dating a girl in that social scene before I met the son's father (my current partner). Needless to say, this has created some uncomfortable moments for me since the marriage. I think the son's girlfriend in particular wants me to just be straight (no pun intended) with them about my nature and my past. Basically my stepson KNOWS I'm not straight, and I have not told anyone in my husband's family that I am bisexual because it seems unnecessary since 1) My in-laws are very conservative and 2) I plan on being monogamous, rendering my sexual orientation a sort of dead-end. The trouble is that politically I feel like being open about who I am is the ethical thing to do, and just personally I don't want my stepson to think of me as a liar since that's no way to start out a family relationship I'd like to be an honest and good one. What should I do? What would you do? Is it worth it? Thanks.
Just for a moment, imagine you were completely straight. Straight as an arrow, always have been and always will be. Still married to your husband. Same life, same family, same everything, we just removed the part of you that likes girls. As a straight person, you still have the potential to be attracted to people other than your husband, right? You wouldn't act on it, because as you said, you are in a loving, monogamous relationship, but that doesn't mean that you don't have the potential to see a guy and think "I'd totally do him". So with that in mind, are you going to tell your husbands parents how you totally think the guy down the road has a sweet ass? Are you going to be openly discussing other men with your husbands family? No, you're not. Why not? Because it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if you think the guy who works at the bank his a cute smile and eyes to die for, because you love your husband. Now have you, at any point, lied to anybody by withholding this information from them? Of course not. You just didn't feel the need to go spreading things to your husbands parents that might make them question your love for their son. Nobody needs that going on. But you're not straight. Your bisexual. So now go through exactly what I just said and replace the word all references to men, with 'women'. The same is true. Yes you are bisexual, yes you have the potential to find women attractive, but no, you're not about to be unfaithful to your husband because of it. Your step-son needs to realise that there is a difference between an honest relationship and one where EVERYTHING is shared. I mean you wouldn't expect him to tell you every time he masturbates or something, which would be perfectly justifiable if he thinks that not telling your husbands parents you're sexuality is lying.
Haha! Thanks. That was a really funny and insightful response. I guess it's not really about the present tense, but about answering for my past, for my relationship before this one. I'm worried that they will think I am really still gay because I was with a female before this, or that I'm still bi and therefore will make for an unreliable partner. And for some reason I feel the need to explain how my ex is female and my current partner is male. But I don't need to explain it, do I? It just is.
