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kind of pi@%ed

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Sam, Mar 26, 2007.

  1. Sam

    Sam
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    I know I shouldn't have a problem with my cousins email since he says he accepts me but it still hurts for him to tell me that my orientation is a choice I mean did any of us actually chose to go through what we have to go through I mean before I came out to my 1st person I was definitely living in pain and still did and I still do sometimes and he talks about how I will get tired of it and change (I'm sorry but my orientation is NOT a phase) but he makes it sound like it plus I believe in God but he makes it sound like God doesn't love me I don't know this email really bothered me here it is oh and he says lesbian but I'm bisexual and I later told him that I am not a lesbian but bisexual but damn I might as well call myself lesbian because I haven't really been attracted to a guy in a LONG time and being with a girl that I love is not living an unfullfilled life I think it will be very fullfilling anyway here is the email:

    Samantha,

    I will always accept you. You are family and I will accept you as that. I think you need to understand that your lifestyle you are choosing for right now is NOT what God had intended for your life. Love is hard to find, but God has a man out there for Samantha. God loves you very much, and he doesn't want to see your life unfullfillled. You being a lesbian will not fulfill anything. It might be fun for a while, but in due time you will be back to that lonliness you hate so much. As for you, I will love and accept you. You can find acceptance in Jesus Christ. His love is unconditional, and he will guide you into areas that you never dreamed possible for yourself. Samantha, don't sale yourself short, for it will cause a lot of regrets down the road.

    Love,
    kevin
     
  2. GuitarGirl1350

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    That's lame.
    But I don't think he understands.
    Judging by his mention of god so many times, I don't know that he can. He seems like a good christian, and sadly that doesn't mix well with gay alot of times. I'm glad he accepts you anyway.
     
  3. boarder25

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    Well that's good that he accepts you. But things like this really make me mad. Of course you didn't choose to be bisexual. It's just how you are. Now, I'm not saying you should do this, but if I were in your position I would send him back a rather terse email telling him just how ignorant he is being, and that it is indeed not a choice, and being such an ignorant, rude, blind jerk is not helping in any way, and wasting his time worshiping something that does not exist and letting it dictate his life is just plain stupid. But that's just me. :lol:

    Ok, sorry, I guess I got a bit out of hand, but things like this really do rub me the wrong way.

    Best wishes. (*hug*)
     
  4. Sam

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    thank you boarder! while I do believe in god I do agree with you on the other stuff you said see I sent an email to all my cousins and aunts and uncles and this is the email I get back from 1 of my cousins I was having that just came out feeling good and floating kind of feeling that I get when I finally come out to someone and then I get that stupid email and it brings my mood way down I did send him an email back though I kept it nice I don't know why I didn't just give him everything I was feeling but I didn't it just pisses me off because its not a fucking choice (sorry for the language) and saying that my life will be unfullfilled got to me too. ughhhhh ok I'm just making myself more angry thinking about it but thank you I completely agree
    Sam
     
  5. ampthejazz

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    It's great that he accepts you, but it really does suck that he doesn't see eye to eye with you on the issue of sexual orientation. His belief of it as a choice is unfortunately held by many people. I totally understand why it pisses you off - if I were to receive something like that, I'd be totally pissed off too. You didn't choose to be the way you are, and neither did I.

    Some people just don't understand the concept that not being straight is not a choice. And it sucks.

    :-/
     
  6. L|L

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    Genesis 1:27

    "So G-d created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them."

    If homosexuality wasn't invented by G-d, and we are his image, than how are there any gays?
     
  7. JayHew

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    Biloved, it is good that he accepts you and I think some of what he said was out of concern, not so much condensation. Granted he is way off base with his comments within the religious area, but that is to be expected from such people. They seem to forget a few things in religious history, but don't let the facts get in the way of "their" facts.

    For one, Jesus and the concept of God are supposed to be all loving, as your cousin stated in his email, unconditional. Hmmmm, what is unconditional supposed to mean?? If God is all encompassing, why does He have so many limited attributes as well as human failings? Simple, they were put there by man and those who decided to establish the religious club call Christian. Go back to actual history and you will find a lot that was just picked out of the air or from different factions to form the religion called Christian. Primarily it started in about 500 AD with the meeting in what is now called Istanbul, Turkey (Emperor Constatine). Also most western bible schools, preachers, etc. have used the translation of the King James Bible from the Greek. Study of the original Greek and Hebrew bibles reveals numerous and significant errors. So I wouldn't be too worried about what your cousin thinks he knows.

    You are not messed up and as long as you conduct yourself as a good human being in your life, all will be well. Learn to be able to like someone for who they are but with the caveat that in certain areas (politics, religion, etc.) you can agree to disagree.

    Hope all is well with you.
     
  8. beckyg

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    Biloved86 .............. I would tell your cousin that you appreciate his concern for you and that he won't turn his back on you and then tell him AGAIN that you did not choose this. Here are some good links on the Science of Sexual Orientation that you can send your cousin.

    http://www.boston.com/news/globe/magazine/articles/2005/08/14/what_makes_people_gay/?page=1

    This is a long one but if you click on the print feature you can read the whole thing without registering.

    http://www.pflag.org/Frequently_Asked_Questions.comingout_faq.0.html

    This one has frequently asked questions about our GLBT loved ones.

    I would appreciate your cousins concern, don't get mad just try to educate him. Tell him you want to keep communication open and answer his questions openly and honestly. Was he the only family member that answered your e-mail? I'm curious.

    Good luck!

    Becky
    Proud Mom of a Gay Son and Two Straight Daughters
    www.rainbowcircle.info
     
  9. mnguy

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    Hi biloved86,

    As you well know, we do not choose our sexual orientation. All of the medical associations agree on this fact. If your cousin won't believe the experts in the health sciences then that's his problem for refusing to take his head out of the sand. From a religious viewpoint, there are many good web sites that address this very issue. One of my favorites is "Letter to Louise" but just search on gay Christian and you'll find all kinds of information. I'm a Christian so I've researched this a lot. Here is a great video at Soulforce http://www.soulforce.org/article/mel-white-sermon-video. This is under the resources section where there are other videos etc. Maybe you can find sources that will help your cousin understand reality, but ultimately you can't change him.

    I want to make something very clear. Christianity itself does not oppose GLBT people, it is the people who misunderstand the Bible that oppose us. Watch the video at the above link and see what you think.

    I hope the rest of your family will truly support you exactly for who you are. Best wishes!
     
  10. Sam

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    well beckyg I emailed every family member that didn't know and told them about me and everybody said that while they may not agree with it they will accept me and love me as they always have and my cousin that I am talking about in this thread said the same thing but had to add all the other hurtful stuff in with the email he sent me telling me how he felt about it so he is the only one that really hurt me and thank you everyone you all have great points that I completely agree with but unfortunately I don't see him changing how he feels as long as he accepts me and cares about me I really don't care about what he thinks of the life I'm leading I am a good person and a christian too when I started this thread I was really pissed off at all the untruthful things he said it really hurt me but now I see that I should just let it go there is no sense in worrying about it everybody has their own opinion about things even if it is terrible and wrong thank you so much everyone your replys have made me feel better knowing that I'm not the only person that feels like I do.
    Sam
     
  11. xequar

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    FWIW, I am a Christian, and gay, and here are some conclusions I came to as I was struggling.

    First, if we read Leviticus, we'll notice that many things are condemned, including eating shellfish and wearing garments made from two types of cloth. So yes, according to Leviticus, that cotton-poly blend shirt you're wearing is sending you straight to hell! Luckily, most of Leviticus has been trumped by later events and writings in the Bible.

    Second, considering that it's pretty much been proven that homosexuality is NOT a choice, that means the only choice we have is to either LIE about it or accept it. God only has a few things that really get to him, ten of them to be exact, and they get to him badly enough that he carved them into stone and sent his buddy Moses down the mountain to make sure everyone knew about it. And guess what? LYING is on the list.

    Perhaps it wouldn't hurt to pass stuff like this onto your cousin. It might show him that there's more to these things than meets the eye.

    At any rate, I hope it all works out for you!
     
  12. beckyg

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    Sam, what is most important is that you love yourself and feel fine with your relationship with God. Sounds like you are doing just fine in that area. Like the poster above me, it is my way, to try to get people to think. There are some you may feel comfortable doing that with and some you may not. My son encouraged his cousins to ask questions. He answered them honestly and everybody is doing just fine with it.
     
  13. Sam

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    well unfortunately since I got the email my cousin has changed his mind he basically disowned me he no longer speaks to me anymore but the way I see it he is the only person in my family that reacted that way so losing one member of my family is better than losing more
    Sam
     
    #13 Sam, Apr 23, 2007
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2007
  14. xequar

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    I'm sorry to hear that your cousin has chosen to turn his back on you. For the record, that's really the ONLY choice that's been made in your entire situation, and it was made by him. Having said that, I learned long ago that if someone chooses to turn their back on you, then they really weren't true to you as a friend or family member or whatever anyway. Forgive me if this sounds cold, but I'd guess that your cousin finally revealed his true colors, and if that's the case, then you're better off without him, and as a Christian, it sounds like he's one of the unfortunate closed-minded variety that accepts what the church spoons out and doesn't want to consider anything else, one of the types that gives us ALL a bad name.

    Like I said, I'm really sorry to hear that he's chosen to turn his back on you, so here's a prayer that he'll come to his senses and realize the mistake he's made.
     
  15. Jim1454

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    What a great point to make! People choose the way they react to friends and family - it isn't the friend or family member that chose to be gay! I'm glad you've taken a positive attitude towards this situation. It indeed it good that most of your family has accepted you for who you are. Thanks for the update.