I apologise if this is the wrong place to post this. Anyway it took me a long time to come to terms with my sexual orientation... I think I was 21 (I'm 22 now) when I came out to my family. I'd been through a lot of emotional abuse, so there was never a good time to admit to myself (and others) that I'm attracted to women. But now it's like... How do I actually know for sure that I'm attracted to women? I've never been in a relationship. Heck I've never even had any friends. On top of that, I'm awkward as heck around people. I'm diagnosed with aspergers though, so... That may explain it. But what should I do? I can't just magically get a girlfriend and then realise I'm definitely attracted to women, right? Or is it just a gut feeling that should suffice?
You don't have to have been with someone to realize you're attracted to them. After all, shouldn't it be attraction that precedes the relationship? I really do think it's more of a gut feeling. And anyway, why categorize yourself? The right person will come along soon enough, don't you worry (*hug*)
All I really know is that I think women are attractive. That's it. Not too sure what to think of them emotionally though... Not sure what to think of ANYONE emotionally. I kinda... Fail to understand my feelings. That's why I'm so confused.
I think it's difficult to express how you feel emotionally about women in general because it's very generic. I have a very close emotional connection with my girl friend but not the random girl sitting next to me on the train or the girl I met at my friends house the other day. I think finding girls attractive is a good place to start. What happens next is really up to you? What would you like to happen next? Are there any LGBT groups in your area?
I mean honestly, sexual attraction is (usually) the basis for overall attraction and attachment, right? I haven't been in a relationship either; but I'm attracted to men, and consider myself gay. I'm sure once you get in a relationship you'll be able to sort out your emotional confusion.
I have Asperger's as well, so I understand a little bit of how you feel. I never had any friends in person until earlier this year. I can't even tell the difference between a lot of the emotions that others talk about. Whenever I talk to people, I can't think of how to word things, so people either think that I'm shy or just plain crazy. I am attracted to more than just females, but they are the ones that I am the most attracted to out of all of them. I've never dated anyone either, but I know that I'm attracted to certain people and not others. Just like any other kind of relationship, you have to be attracted to someone before you can actually fall in love with them and know that you want to date them. If you're attracted to a certain gender, you're attracted to a certain gender. Nothing else should really matter when it comes to that. Even if you aren't dating anyone, you can still have a preference for who you would want to date if you got a chance to do so. I can't really tell you how you can be sure, but if you think that you are, that should be enough. Even if you end up changing your mind later, at least then you would know.
I agree, what matters is your attraction, not experience. Personally, I would try not to rush things. If you're attracted to women now, that is totally fine. If you later come to realize that you might also feel attracted to men, then that is totally fine as well. Take your time to find out who you are. There's no need to absolutely know now. You will figure it out over time.
I'm on my iPod and my wrist is really sore, so I apologise for any spelling or grammatical errors! Auto-correct helps a bit though. The thing is, I'm struggling with the attraction part. I mean, I can't EXPLAIN what I'm feeling exactly. That's why I'm so damn confused. @silverhalo: to be honest, I have no idea. I've been in this town for a few weeks now, but I don't know if this town (or the larger one nearby) has any sort of LGBT groups. I uh... Tend not to go out much anyway. I might google it after though. @anshrknt: if that's the case, then I'm definitely attracted to women. I still remember being sexually attracted to girls when I was younger lol. I remember trying to... Uh, have sex with girls. When I was primary school age. So yeah... That's gotta say something about my orientation, right? Haha. Well that sorts out the sexual and physical side, all that's left now is the emotional bit... What fun.
Ok if you laid in bed one night and you just let yourself fantasise about the future and relationships etc where would your mind go? And if you don't know, maybe you should try it. Try not to have any preconceived ideas about what you think might happen and just let yourself go.
Women. Every.Single.Time. No joke, I actually tell some of my friends sometimes that the only thing on my mind is women. Of course I don't tell them the details... Because that'd be kinda awkward haha.
Well EC is a good start. What about going onto some dating websites? On some of them you can look for friendship as well. Are there any gay bars or clubs near you?
I've only ever tried one dating site and it was awful. In terms of how it was programmed and how creepy guys kept messaging me (even though I specified I was looking for women) I guess I could try different ones though. At least now I'm okay with posting my pic online. I've stopped being self-conscious. Hah, even if there were gay bars around, I'd be too nervous to go to one!* *because social situations usually cause me a lot of stress, hence why I don't get out much.
Yeah I get that. Online chatting to start is definitely the way to go then I think. Dating sites can be a bit hit and miss I think so you might have to try a few.
Well I guess maybe I should give dating sites a go, if only to meet like-minded people. Dating itself might be a little tricky though, since I'm still not that great with people. Hell I can't even explain when I like someone! Even if they're a friend, I can't explain what I feel for them outside of friendship. It could be more than what I know.
Well practise makes perfect. I don't think it can hurt. Hopefully you will at least make a couple of friends. Describing what you feel is one of the hardest things so don't beat yourself up. Just try and relax and take it one step at a time.
What have I got to lose trying online dating anyway? Heck it might even help me with socialising! I mean yeah it's online, but I can put what I've learnt into practice in reality. Eg. how to initiate small talk. Kinda wish there was some LGBT groups or even gay bars around though... You know, so I can go to one when I'm actually confident to go out!
Absolutely but there must be some gay people in your area so maybe when you chat to some of them online you find out where they hang out. You seem to be talking to me ok, now I know this is not a dating scenario but it all starts the same way.
The only thing that freaks me out is socialising. Regarding dating sites I mean. I can't even strike up a conversation with someone on a normal, everyday site! And if I ever do, it's usually after a few weeks. Or month. Or heck even YEARS. True story, it took me years to pluck up the courage to message this one person I met on an oekaki. Now we chat all the time. I'm also afraid that people will be put off wanting to have anything to do with me, due to the fact I still live at home, don't have a job etc. Maybe I'm just being self-conscious or something... I dunno.
