Last week, I posted a long public message on Facebook explaining why it's important for bisexuals to come out and declaring myself in case anyone missed it--because people have always made assumptions, I just wanted to set the record straight (yeah, pun intended). I got tons of support but I also lost several friends (both gay friends who think I'm a traitor for getting married and were mad that I still insisted on calling myself queer, and homophobic friends who previously assumed I was straight), so I took the post down. I feel like a coward and jerk for this. Point is, recently I got a message from another bisexual woman who is married to a man. She read my post and said it helped her accept herself and she wished I hadn't deleted it. Also got a message from a gay friend who is with a guy and wants to tell his friends he is bisexual but feels like they will stop inviting him out and talking to him, etc. Also heard from an old bi friend who I thought turned straight that she's still bi ten years later and was consoled to hear I am too--confirmation it's not a phase. Turns out my post started a lot of discussion and although it was maybe bad for me to post it helped other people. Should I repost? Or just individually apologize to people for deleting? Or get a t-shirt and a pride flag for my front yard (kidding...sort of)? I don't want to give off the message that I'm ashamed or apologizing or anything, it just didn't seem worth the drama until I realized I was helping other people.
Hi there! Posting the message was pretty cool, and you made yourself quite vulnerable. I can understand why you decided to delete the post, but given what you know now, what do your instincts tell you? You have not lost anything by losing a few friends who think you are traitor, are mad at you for calling yourself queer, and those who are homophobic. The drama wasn't caused by you, it was caused by the others. If anything, the post showed you as to who is your friend, or at least appreciated your honesty, and authenticity. You should not feel bad about having posted it in the first place. There is no reason to. If you want to re-post it, you can always preface it with: "knowing that the post helped others, and myself, I have decided to re-post it."
Thank you! That's a great idea to preface the post as you said if I decide to put it back up. I keep trying to tell myself, "those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." Because truth be told, my oldest friends know who I am and have never had a problem with it. Facebook makes us feel like suddenly we're responsible for hundreds of people...and some of the people who were upset I wouldn't have even been in touch with if not for Facebook. Oh well. Maybe they'll come around someday anyway. Thanks for the encouragement.
i think it's great your posting helped people. i love that "those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind * now that'd be a great tee shirt. reposting with the heading sinced it helped people you're reposting is a great idea.
