1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Yet again, more help

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Jonamo, Jul 11, 2008.

  1. Jonamo

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 28, 2008
    Messages:
    76
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Indiana
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I couldn't find my previous post to post on, so I thought I'd make another one.
    For the record i am an in the closet bi guy in a relationship with a girl, but she doesn't know. I feel like I should tell her because we've been dating for nearly a year (long for us high schoolers) and I feel like she should know. Her best friend is openly gay, so I'm not sure how she'll take it.

    My question is how can I tell her, and what's the best way to? (Her birthday is tomorrow and i think it would be bad if i did on her birthday). I am completely unsure on what to say, how to say it, and et cetra. Thanks for your help!
     
  2. LostBoy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 6, 2008
    Messages:
    38
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Southern California
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    haha ya I would say birthday would not be a good time
    for me I couldent just come out and say "I'm gay" or in your case bi
    for me it was always starting up a conversation about sexuality
    this not only gives you a base to come out and say your bi
    but also seeing how they will react before you actually tell them
    Then I would just be like "ya I kinda think I might be bi"
    You have a very good change that she will be accepting
    I mean her best friend is gay

    Good luck

    I hoped this helped

    :grin:
     
  3. Mirko

    Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2008
    Messages:
    18,870
    Likes Received:
    3,203
    Location:
    Northern Hemisphere
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I think it would be a good idea if you would let her know. It would only be fair to her and to you. She might be a bit shocked or confused because you have dated for a year. Be prepared to give her the space and time that she might need. Having said that, and given that her best friend is gay, I think she would accept you for who you are. But again, it might take a while.

    Given that you have dated for some time, it would be a good idea to work that into your coming out to her. You could says something along the lines of "I need to tell you something important about myself. I have never told this before and I do realize that I should have said something earlier but I wasn't sure. Please don't reject me as a result of this. I hope you will understand. I have come to realize that I am bi...." Reiterate that you want to continue to be friends and have a strong relationship with her. If it helps, you might want to write down your thoughts first and organize them. In this way you are also preparing yourself for it.

    I agree with you that coming out to her on her birthday is not the best day to do it. How about if you invite her out for a coffee or a bite to eat during a week or on a weekend? Try to come out to her when you both are relaxed and not stressed out or worried about other things.

    Hope this helps! Good luck!
     
  4. Helen

    Helen Guest

    Yeah, I agree with the above, you shouldn't make *too* much of a big deal of it, because then she might think that you're preparing her for something bad. Then again, it's not fair for her to be kept in the dark about it, seeing as you've been dating for a long time. If you're on holiday at the moment, then wait a few days or so, so you can get a grip on what you're going to say, then either take her out for something to eat or just invite her to yours, if that's more normal for you.

    The way I've often done it is to just ease into the subject, and not say 'I have something to tell you' or anything like that. If we're talking about something, I try and steer the conversation over to anything remotely related to LGBT, THEN I start making some fairly obvious hints about myself, and most of the time they get it ^_^ (there was one exception to that, as Heatqueen and I found out once :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:)

    Good luck, I'm sure everything will be fine!
     
  5. nickmc

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2008
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Wellington, NZ
    Wow! I can't top any of that so I'm just gunna agree with all the previous posters and wish you luck. be prepared to give her time, but I think that your girlfriend will be ok with it :icon_bigg

    (*hug*)
     
  6. Cool Beans

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2007
    Messages:
    90
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Philadelphia
    Take it slow, don't play it up like it's a huge deal, and make sure she understands that you're still attracted to her and that you still want to date her (assuming that's the case, which it is unless I missed something in your post). I think she'll be fine with it.

    Good luck! But don't start talking about hot guys with her right after you tell her. :grin:
     
  7. Jonamo

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 28, 2008
    Messages:
    76
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Indiana
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    It's been a year and I haven't messaged back, I feel like a douche.

    Just a little update; I told my girlfriend about everything, and she was shocked and surprised about it, but was cool. We're still dating (almost 23 months). We took a vacation, the two of us, down to Florida to her best friend's apartment and while there we talked more in depth about everything (her best friend is also gay) and that made her more at ease about everything. It looks like I'm hard to read because neither of them had no idea about me at all.

    So I wanted to say thanks to everyone who gave support and advice, and next step are my other close friends and my family...