A while back, I thought I had had a major turning point with my mom. She actually stated, "I know you're gay." She employed the term "significant other" rather than "man" or "boyfriend". I was really happy about this. But last night, she told me that if she's being "one hundred fifty percent honest", she really and sincerely believes that I am wrong. She's so outstandingly certain that I am not gay. So now I feel that I'm back at square one: I have to keep fighting this and try to be what she thinks I am. I have to keep trying to like people of the opposite sex. If she thinks I'm straight, my mind tells me, then I must be straight. I kind of know this isn't true, but I have a history of making bad mistakes. I know I'm not wrong, but - and I don't know if this makes sense - I kind of hope I am. Except that whenever I try (again) to like males, I simply can't do it. I want to be "normal" and I want to be accepted and believed. But I don't think I can win - I can't fight this, but I can't accept it myself.
Acceptance of yourself can be a big hurdle, the key here is that you don't find men attractive! as for normality goes... homosexuality; while a hot topic, is becoming more and more accepted across U.S. every day, it's hard to define "Normal" in the sense of attraction, different people have different tastes. Your mother is most likely just trying to look out for what is best for you, as my Mom was, she perhaps feels you'd be singled out because of your orientation, picked on as you would. Maybe she is unaware of all the support groups, growing social acceptance and "normality" of homosexuality ^^
Did you ever stop and think about the word 'mistake' in this context? Something we realise after-the-fact that we SHOULDN'T have done. Something that was a 'bad idea'. Something that caused us some form of harm. Now let's apply that to your sexuality. If you date a girl and you enjoy it, but for whatever reason it ends, was it a mistake? Most people would say no, because even though you felt some pain at ending it, you enjoyed what happened. What about if you date a girl and you don't enjoy it? There really are two ways you can look at this one: You date a girl and don't enjoy it specifically: (a) because it was A girl (b) because it was THAT girl Now think about it, the worst of those two, is probably A. You date a girl and realise that actually you don't like girls. Was that a mistake? To find something out about yourself? It's unfortunate that it didn't work out, but realistically it's no worse for you personally than any other date not going well. What if you sit there and refuse to date girls at all, ever. How long before the feeling goes away? Will it EVER go away? How long do you sit and suffer over it before not exploring that part of you becomes 'the big mistake'? As for your mum, if she's 200 billion percent NOT-IN-YOUR-HEAD. Her honest opinion about your sexuality is as valid as mine, as valid as some homeless guy in China, as valid as the President of a small African island with a population of 12. Which is to say, not at all valid. The only person who get's to decide what your sexuality is is you. Sitting there half hoping that you are, in fact, straight, is as you quite rightly said a result of wanting to be accepted and believed. I'm prepared to bet that if everyone was going to accept and believe that you are a lesbian you wouldn't be sitting here telling us you hope you aren't. You know what's in your head, ignore the other people and focus on what you think for a bit
Thank you so much - both of you. It's just hard to think that the person I most want to understand and accept my attractions and needs and desires is currently defying them.
Your mom will eventually accept who you really are. You just have to give her time to see the real you. She will get use to it eventually. Whats important is that you have to be honest and most specially you should accept yourself without thinking that being who you are is a mistake. :icon_wink
give it time with your mom she and you deserve it. you can't wish away your sexuality to be who others want you to be.
Thank you! Being honest can be a hard thing when, in so many ways, maintaining a lie just makes things so much simpler when it comes to interacting with the people around me. At the same time, I'm almost sure I would not wish to go back into the closet. It's hard for me to imagine dealing with the pain of telling her she was right, I'm straight - I'll be straight from now on. I think that would humiliate me and just make me feel all the more ashamed. ---------- Post added 26th Feb 2014 at 09:58 AM ---------- This is a wonderful way of phrasing things. Thank you.
