Pretty much what it says on the tin. Up until a month ago, id never even thought much about my sexuality, ive never felt bad or ashamed about it but i always thought i could just never tell anyone im gay, and i could live with that. But im sick of lying to myself and want to come out. The problem is, ive had so many opportunities - but i just always seem to change my mind at the last minute. Like, it seems good on paper but in reality i just cant say those words, and so i just get angry at myself. Its worse when its to people i KNOW will be accepting. Has anyone else had this problem? Sorry if this is kinda incoherent but i just needed to get some things off my chest i guess.
Actually I'm in the exact same situation as you so I can totally relate with you. All I can tell you is don't beat yourself up over this, you'll know when you'll be ready to come out. Wait until you're comfortable doing so
For me, there came a time when all of a sudden it felt worse keeping it inside than letting it out. And that's when I started coming out.
This. Exactly. This breaking point is what makes the decision. Some never get there, but many do. You have come to the right place.
Being out is easier and more difficult, but it is worth it (for me anyway). The disparaging remarks, the innuendo etc. all stop (if they make a disparaging remark, you can call them a genius and say "I wish I knew, no-one told me!). After I came out life was more complicated in a lot of ways, but it was worth it as I met the man I love (10 years in November!) and live the life I always wanted to. You will come out in your own time - for me it was when I was 18 and had just become independent (thank god, finally) and while it was hard, I wouldn't change it. Sometimes parents/siblings aren't the most supportive - in the end, family is what you make of it!
Being comfortable is the key. However in my opinion, comfortable needs to be defined in the right context. It doesn't ONLY mean when you feel comfortable to reveal yourself, you do it then. It also means, if you are comfortable with the way you're living right now. If you, yourself is unhappy, chances are, you will never feel comfortable telling others. Problems come in large numbers every day, we learn to deal with them, and sometimes we might trip and fall. And many times, it makes us stronger through whatever hardships you might have to endure. Chances are, or rather 100%, you will become a better and more free person after you come out. So here's the million dollar questions: Are you ready? Are you proud? Do you want to stop hiding yourself? Are you tired of acting? If your answer is yes, then you have nothing to fear. Best of luck!
This is my problem 100%. For me it ended up being a bit like ripping off Bandaid (though much easier since it was only my therapist), I just said "Oh, by the way, fun fact of the week: I'm not entirely straight" and walked out, dealt with it two weeks later after we both had time to think about it. I have had many moments where I've felt angry at myself for not standing up for what I feel is right, especially in regards to comments my parents have made about certain news stories. My knee-jerk reaction was (and still is) to become super protective of my closeted friend (who is also bi, doesn't know I am, whom I have a huge crush on). One time I threw my lunch at someone for making a gay joke. That was a bad day, unsurprisingly. I think you need to just take a big, deep breath, get sort of zen-like and tell someone who you think will be accepting, in a simple, calm way. Try to not be too awkward about it, people will question you more if you don't act like you own it.
You need to start looking into a mirror and tell yourself out loud, "I am gay, and it's OK", over and over again until you convince yourself that it is true. Yell it in the car when you are alone and no one can hear. Do it until you feel like there is nothing wrong with it and you won't be upset or embarrassed or guilty feeling if someone hears you. Start doing what gay people do, without making a formal announcement of it to come out. Then, when you are comfortable with being who you are, start sharing this with people who will support you and not criticize you. You will find that it wasn't a big deal after all, just as long as you don't make it one.
I'm in the same position. I really want to come out to my close friends before my family because I know they'll be accepting. But I feel like it'll change their views on me so much. I'm okay with who I am but I feel like it'll be awkward for them or something. Plus sometimes they say little random comments that hurt, and they don't realise because I'm in the closet. I really want to ask them not to say those things, which I know they didn't mean to be offence, but it's those sorts of comments that stop me from telling them.
