So, I have a therapy appointment a little over a week. I've been seeing this psychologist for a little while now about my depression, PTSD, and bipolar. I haven't said anything about my sexual orientation, because it's not relevant. But I feel like I should bring up my gender identity, because it's been eating at me for awhile. And I want to talk to someone face to face about it, someone who isn't biased like my mom and sister. I just don't know if I should. If it's something I should even bring up. I don't know how I should even approach the subject. With my mom I just asked her if she knew what genderfluid was and when she said no, I explained it to her. Then I told her that that was what I am. Same thing with my sister. I don't know if that's how I should approach it with my psychologist. I don't want to ask her and maybe insult her intelligence or just tell her and her start saying that maybe it's just a phase or something. I guess I'm just as scared of how to word it as I am of the reaction.
A few things to consider: Gender issues are a big thing, mentally. I would be amazed if there isn't an overlap between your gender issues and what you are already seeing a psychologist for. I'm not sure how it telling her would insult her intelligence, but if she tells you its a phase she should be ashamed of herself. Even if it does turn out to be a phase, it's not her place to judge you for it, and she certainly shouldn't IGNORE it because obviously it's a big part of who you are RIGHT NOW. Even if that changes later that doesn't mean it shouldn't be addressed!! As for how to phrase it, if she's worth the money she's paid you could say anything and it would be OK. But if you really are worried about how to phrase it, then stock phrases aren't bad. "I'd like to talk to you about my gender identity" "I thought I should tell you I'm gender fluid!" "Recently, well, for a long time actually, I've been questioning my gender identity." "I no longer identify as..." For you, this is important. She should recognize this if she's professional. She might not know what to DO about it, or might be sketchy on the details - a lot of people like to say they know about LGBT issues and then realise they actually know very little about the T. If that happens, then you can decide if you need to talk to her about it or somebody else!
Thank you. You're right. I've always had this mentality that I shouldn't make a big deal about things when it comes to myself. Like my depression and whatnot. After I realized I'm genderfluid, I didn't even really think about coming out, or that coming out applied to gender identity as well, I was just "It'll be ok. No one needs to know. The fact that I know is enough for me." I only told my mom and sister because I wanted their input. Now, I'm realizing more and more how depressed having to suppress it is making me, because the past couple of appointments I've wanted to say something but decided against it. I feel like I'm hiding who I really am and it's detrimental to what she's trying to help me with. I'm going to bring it up at my appointment. I'm going to try to word it right, but knowing me I'll get so nervous that I'll just jumble it up, lol. Thank you so much for the advice.
I am currently in a program to become a psychologist, even if she doesn't know about genderfluid is about, I am sure that she will appreciate you sharing your experience and be open to discusses the difficulties you may be having regardless. In fact, you sharing if anything will prompt her to not only learn more about it but to look more into the LGBTQQ population and the diversity issues that may come up with other clients.
i think you should share everything with a therapist. everything is relevant. they can't help you property otherwise. gender/sexuality when not the * norm* is stressful and at times depressing. she maynot be familiar with the terms used but shouldn't feel insulted. when i realised who i was there was heterosexual ~ gay ~lesbian ~ bi and tranny ( of course tranny is a nono now ) i hear.
I'm actually getting my Bachelor's in Psychology right now. ^^ I haven't come across anything in my studies so far that goes into depth about the LGBTQ, so that's probably why I was hesitant to talk to her, especially because the area I am in isn't exactly the best when it comes to being anything but cishet. But I never thought about it that way. That's definitely something that will bring me more confidence to bring it up, because if my issues can end up helping her understand other clients that might have the same issues, then I'm all for that. Thank you. I wish I had thought about it that way before. ---------- Post added 25th Feb 2014 at 03:48 PM ---------- Thank you. I guess I just never really considered the fact that this stuff could make me depressed. I knew that gender identity and sexual orientation has a big affect on other people, but for some reason I just ignored how it could affect me as well.
It's usually the stuff we aren't thinking about that contributes the most to our depression. So I concur with setnyx. Your therapist really needs to know everything of any relevance, and the things that you least want to tell her (i.e, the things you're embarrassed or ashamed or afraid she'll judge you for) are the things she most needs to hear, because those are what's at the core of what's affecting your depression. So without that... she's basically shooting in the dark trying to help you. Of course, it's easier said than done, but if you think about it... therapists are paid to be your nonjudgmental, supportive advocate, so they're the last people that are going to judge you. And if you find that she doesn't take it well (which is really unlikely)... then that's a sign you need a new therapist
Hmm, coming out to a therapist, whether either in terms of sexual orientation or gender identity, is always a tricky question. Firstly, of course, you want to make sure the therapist you are seeing is LGBTQ-affirming. Then you need to decide whether coming out to your therapist is relevant to the work you are trying to accomplish with that therapist. If your sexual orientation and/or gender identity are contributing to your depression, then it might be a good idea. If your orientation or identity are not related to the goals you are working on with your therapist, you might not feel the need to come out. It's up to you to decide on a personal level. I was referred by the mental health coordinator at my local LGBT center whom I had asked for a reference to a pro-gay psychiatrist. She referred me to the friend of hers who works right next door to her office, and without asking my permission or even telling me she would do this, she outed me as gay to him. He turned out to not be very gay-friendly, rather homophobic actually, and in any event the issues I work on with my psychiatrist (medications for anxiety and depression) I don't find relevant to my sexual orientation, even though he brings up my "gayness" every time I see him. So being forcibly outed to him has harmed my experience with my psychiatrist. On the other hand, my psychologist has hinted numerous times that he is LGBTQ-affirming, I had mentioned that I had been seeing a social worker at the local LGBT center and since then I think he's picked up on me being gay (and that being part of the cause of the strife between my mother and I leading to my anxiety and depression), although I've never formally come out to him. He'll ask me about dates, and be careful to avoid assigning genders in asking like "how did you and that person interact?" I haven't worked up the courage to formally come out to him yet, although it probably would be beneficial, unlike being forcibly outed to my psychiatrist.
I know the gender identity is causing some of my depression and anxiety, which is the reason why I've been seriously contemplating telling her. I just don't know if she's LGBTQ-affirming because I've never talked about my sexuality with her and it's never been brought up. The closest we got to talking to anything about gender was how I felt like I didn't relate to females a lot, I always felt awkward and out of place, and that gender was never a big deal with my family as I was growing up, as far as sleepovers and whatnot. I guess my best bet would be to just ask her how she feels about it and go from there?
"I guess my best bet would be to just ask her how she feels about it and go from there?" Basically, yeah. Just keep an eye on her reaction to it, it should be fairly obvious what her opinions of the subject are, but you need to be able to figure out how much she actually knows about it. She might be completely supportive of it, but if she doesn't know anything about it she won't be a lot of help! So if she doesn't expressly tell you that she either knows lots or knows very little about trans issues, than I would just keep an ear out for anything she says that doesn't sound right to you!
Thank you, everyone. It helps me to have a kind of plan, so this helped a lot. Hopefully she'll react positively. I guess I'll post on here after the appointment to say how it went. It's 8 days away, so the waiting is gonna kill me lol.
Well I guess there's just the usual techniques for trying to gauge someone's views of LGBTQ people to get a feel for that person's feelings without necessarily coming out yourself. I mean I guess with a psychologist it can be a little bit more difficult to just pick up a newspaper and say what do you think of this gay marriage thing. You'd have to figure out a way to work it into the conversation. Sadly, not all therapists ARE LGBTQ-affirming, some are quite backward, so it may be worth testing the waters. Does your therapist seem like she is a liberal-minded person, on the younger side, or is she old and stodgy and conservative-seeming?
She's pretty young. That being said, I'm not sure if she's liberal-minded. I don't know much about her.
Just wanted to update on this! So, I went to my appointment today and asked her if she's ever dealt with gender dysphoria. She told me she's had a couple of clients that had gender dysphoria and were transitioning, so that was such a big relief for me. The only thing is that she's not certified in that area, so she has to be supervised. She's given me a couple of therapists that are more experienced with gender identity issues, so that's good. I got to talk a lot about how I'm thinking about transitioning and how I'm just so tired of being at war with myself over things. She helped me realize I was thinking way too much about the big things and causing myself to be depressed because of it. So we discussed small things that I can do to see what I really want to do. Talking about it just got this big weight off my chest and I actually feel so much more happier that I could talk about all these feelings to someone face to face. It's so nice. And when I got back home, I told my sister about it and she even started helping me try to find a name as one of my first baby steps. Overall, today has been really uplifting even though my ex-husband is here. I didn't realize how happy it would make me to finally tell someone how I was feeling. I'm not planning on coming out to everyone else until I've figured things out more, but I feel like this was the step in the right direction.
