Hello, Apologies if this is too long-winded, but I have so many thoughts going round in my head at the moment. First, a little background... I am 37 years old and have lived a lie most of my life. I have always known I was attracted to women but up until about 9 years ago was too afraid to pursue a lesbian relationship. I was married to a man for 6 years (I was only 19 when we met) but the marriage eventually ended when I realised I could no longer deny who I really am and what I want from life. After the divorce I started a relationship with a wonderful woman and I emigrated to the UK to be with her. Almost 8 years later we are still together. But... none of our family or close friends know about us. No one knows either of us is gay or that we are together as a couple. I should maybe clarify that by saying I'm sure plenty of people "know" but we have not actually "come out" to anyone except a few acquaintances. Over the past 6 months or so I have had a growing need to come out to the important people in my life and for me that starts with my oldest and dearest friend. I will be flying out to CA (where I grew up) in a few weeks for a visit and I plan to come out to her then since I really want to do it in person. I'm not worried at all about her rejecting me as a friend or treating me any differently or anything. We have known each other since high school and she is a very tolerant and kind person. But the thing that worries me is the fact that I have lied to her for so long. Will she be angry with me for all the lies? I want her to understand that it's not that I didn't trust her or anything it's just that up until now I haven't been ready to have the conversation. Also, since my partner is also in the closet it's more complicated because it's not just about me. Early on in our relationship I outed us to a mutual acquaintance without telling my partner ahead of time. It didn't go we'll and we lost a couple of friends over it. We also nearly split up over it. I promised her I wouldn't tell any of our family or close friends unless she was ok with it and up until now she hasn't been. But last October on camping trip she outed us to a small group of people during a drunken evening. The response was simply "well we all assumed you were a couple anyway" :lol:. The feeling of relief and freedom was amazing, just being able to be open and honest for once. The next morning I told my partner I wanted to tell my long-time friend about me being gay and about us being together and she was ok with it. So... in 3 weeks I have plans to get together with my friend for our usual sushi + drinks that we do whenever I'm in town. We usually meet at her apartment and chat for a while to catch up a bit before heading out to eat. My plan is to come out to her during our chat. But I can't seem to decide on how to start the conversation. Is saying "so, there’s something I want to talk to you about..." really lame? I don't want to have a long drawn out lead in to me saying "I'm gay" but I do want to preface it by saying something like "I don't think this will come as a complete shock to you" because I honestly think she does know (or has suspicions). Am I over thinking this? Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks for reading… just getting this off my chest has helped
First off, make sure that your girlfriend is OK with you telling that specific person. Then, just do whatever you want! No, saying "There's something I want to talk to you about..." Is not lame. I would try to possibly stay away from the kind where you say that she probably won't be surprised, because she might be, and then it would be just an awkward moment for the both of you.
Yes, she is absolutely ok with me telling this particular friend. We have discussed it several times since and I will double and triple check before the day comes, just in case. That's a good point. I guess if she does have suspicions it would be better for me to let her say it rather than me making the assumption ahead of time. Thanks for the advice! :icon_bigg
I would like to add that there are 2 main ways to come out to someone, you pick which one is appropriate. You can do the big "I have something important to tell you: I'm lesbian." Which is good on people like parents that mean a huge deal to you. Or, you can bring it up in casual conversation. It's what I did, and I found it a lot easier. But I'm probably going to do the big deal type for my parents, it depends on your personality and who you're coming out to.
