hey guys, i'm somewhat out of the closet. i'm already out to some of my friends and one or two family members, but not to my parents. i don't have an exact idea of what their reactions might be. as far as i know, my mom would be okay with it, my dad kind of stood quiet about it. i'm more worried about upsetting my father the most because of the expectations. i learned as i moved on in life that you don't always have to live up to their expectations and live your own way. why the hell am i writing this? i don't know what to do, say, or exactly how to approach this kind of thing with my parents. i honestly don't know what to expect as well. i'm hoping to get some advice here so i could be at least a bit more confident and ready to tell them. i just want to be out of the closet. can't say that i'm rushing, i've known since i was little and wasn't willing to accept it until now. i also want to know if it does get better?
Everybody has a different way of approaching the coming out situation. I've noticed 4 main ways, which are 1. Coming out in letter, 2. Doing the "I have something really important to tell you" thing, 3. Bringing it up in casual conversation, and 4. Via text message. And as for if it gets better, I'm not fully out yet and I can honestly say yes, it does. Once I found out, I was staying up uncomfortable almost all night, I was so anxious. I started having suicidal thoughts. My habits of mind plummeted from all Cs (the best grade) to all Ss (one of the worst). I was answering back to my teachers and got bad grades. I skipped doing my homework and had to go up the the office at least once a weak. And then I saw the chance to tell some friends and took it. My mind is content, and my grades are back up to straight 4s (the best). I do my homework again. I haven't been to the office this month yet. So yes, it did get better. A lot better. I don't think it will be as extreme for you, but it will really help.
I will tell you how it was for me. My dad was extremely traditional and disgusted by gays. He would never accept it, I never even thought of coming out to him as I didnt want problems. It wouldnt make my life any easier, but add more troubles. I never suffered from being in a closet for my parents. Unfortunately my dad passed away. Im glad i didnt have to tell him something disappointing like coming out. I know he would feel betrayed and extremely unhappy. I have always been his princess, his good girl, he was always proud with me. I would never hurt him like this. We have to care about our parents feelings. Coming out to my dad would be the most unrespectful thing i could ever do. Now mom. She is traditional and against gays too. But she is a person of mood and is easily influenced. Coming out to her was easy. I live independent from her, I didnt want to tell her, we are not that close. But one day she started to ask me about my personal life. I said i date someone. She chased me for hours curious who HE was. So in the end i just told her its a girl not guy im dating. She was wordless for couple of minutes, then told me that im totally crazy, in half an hour she said - so i dont have to expect grandchildren, in 1 hour she was fine. Nothing changed in our relations since then, she knows i live with a woman and it doesnt look like she cares much of thinks about it. Nobody knows your parents better than you do. Everbody here knows how difficult is coming out. But thinking about your own feelings dont forget about your parents feelings, their view to life, their traditions.
i guess the best one that suits me if number 2 haha, it seems like everyone does, so i think mines wouldn't be any different, just got to see how they react. thanks, i really hope it does get better sorry to hear about your dad. i feel the same way about my dad, since growing up, i've been a bit more successful academic/job wise then the rest of my family. i feel like i would be betraying him if i said i'm gay. i think i'd feel the same way for my mom. i always considered putting my parents feeling before mines, when it comes to coming out that is. i can agree that i know my parents more then anyone, thanks for the advice.
If you are ready to tell them, just sit them down at a table together and tell them that you need to tell them something that is not a super big deal, but that you think they ought to know that you are more comfortable living with another man than with women, that you have known this for a long time and it is not going to change, and that you wanted to tell them so that you can be open about this in their presence and not have to hide this from them. That if you do find someone you want to live your life with, you want them to accept him as part of the family, just as they would if you married a woman. That you love them and want to share this part of your life with them too. Then give them some time to think about what you have said, and be prepared for some questions about whether you have a boy friend already, how long you have known, why you are sure about it, etc etc. There are a lot of posts here you can read which will describe what has happened to various people when telling their parents; just take some time and read through the archives to prepare yourself for the range of things to expect from them. This is only a big deal if you make it so in your mind; keep the discussion as low key as you can; stay calm and non-dramatic, so that they will too.
