He's Not "Out" Yet

If you're not ready, say no. Don't be afraid to 'hurt his ego.' Don't pretend to be ready if you're not. Capiche?

About the privacy thing: Let him know. Honesty is the best policy in a relationship, ya dig? Or try to compromise or work something out. You can go to a movie without being all up in each others' grillpiece. Just act like you're friends.

Don't expect him to change for you (as in keeping private) if you won't change for him (saying no to sex).

 

:] THAT MADE ME THINK

I have this thing for closeted relationships.. I think it's like a beautiful secret from the world and everything...

BUT
I'm almost out to everyone.. considering my mom nearly knows and I was thinking maybe once I'm fully out, I won't like closeted relationships anymore because I would want to be free. At the momment, it's not much of a hinderence but I suppose it would be if I was completely out.



Anyways, for you, I'd have to say, no means no and you shouldn't feel pressured to do something you don't want to. Tell him to bake you a cake first.

I don't really know what to say, maybe somehow I helped you? sorry about that ramble..

 

Sex is never anything to rush if it isn't what you are looking for because things can turn out bad so if it happens to pop-up and ur not ready don't worry about saying no.

As for being his little secret just talk to him about it and see his point of view for things. He probably (just a guess) wishes he could have an open relationship and not worry about it but it isn't as easy as it is for some people.

Best thing to do is just talk the whole thing out with him that way you can both get your views out on the table to work things out that is best for both of you.

 

Wanna know what i think? I think ur jumping to conclusions...a BIT too fast. :lol:

come on, answer this. DO you have a mind of your own? do you? If u do...saying no to sex will not be an issue. However, if u feel that way...u should totally tell him. and

a nex thing, i don't see the big deal with u going out to a public movie with him...it's not like ur gonna make out with him in the auditorium(are you?:eusa_eh

and have u asked him why not?

 

Why wouldn't going to the movie theater work? Straight guys go to the movies in twos all the time. Is it because you're a "known gay", and he'll be "guilty by association"? And how do you know he's more sexually active than you? Because he said so?

This is gonna be your call, of course, but I'm already seeing a lot of red flags. Just remember that if you do decide to hook up with him, your odds of changing him are minimal.

Lex

 

If you're worried about him pressuring you for sex, I definitely wouldn't start up any relationship by going to his house right off the bat because that's his turf and he'll have the advantage if he turns out to be a jerk in terms of being pushy. It's kinda like back to the basics for meeting people you've only met online: meet in a public place with lots of people around (like, hey, a movie theatre!).

As Lex says, teen guys (and guys in general) go to movie theatres all the time together. So unless you're going to see "Sex and the City" together and talk really loudly about shoes and shopping, I highly doubt anyone is going to think you two are gay just by looking at you. I just checked and most of the movies playing where I am right now are hardly movies which if you see are going to cause people to cast aspersions about your or his sexuality. So if he's THAT closeted, he is probably too closeted for you to date.

I think "secret closeted" relationships can work somewhat for people but yeah, having only met him online (I'm assuming that from what you've said, correct me if I'm wrong), I'd say you want to make sure to meet the guy in the open the first few times you hang out. That will conveniently mitigate the potential for you to be pressured for sex, too.

And especially if you can't even go to his house just boom like that, you'd think he'd be invested in "risking it" by going to a movie together.

 

As a closeted person myself it is very hard to do things especially in small communities where people talk or your afraid to being seen. You have to make him understand your position as well in order for the relationship to work. Don't have sex until you are ready. Many people lose their virginity way to young and regret it down the line....

Best of luck.

 

This seems relatively simple to me.
Go where ever you need to, I mean, if the house doesn't work for you, and the movies don't work for him...can he come to your home?
That gives you an advantage on the whole "sex thing"

However, if he can't then maybe you can reschedule so both of you can agree to something. If he's this closeted, then time is probably not a big issue to him. He can wait a week or so to spend quality time with you.

Regardless, if you get into a situation and he's pressuring you for sex...just say no.
It's always there as an outlet, and if he continues...he's obviously a waste of time

-nick

 

Perhaps you could talk to this guy before the date?

I understand just how hard it can be to just say 'No' in the heat of the moment, for many reasons But it is a lot easier to do beforehand.

Hit him up online and explain the situation, you're not interested in a closeted relationship nor are you up for a sexual relationship at this stage - It's better he knows these things now then say 2 weeks away when he asks you out.

 

Lex have you forgotten what it's like to be in the closet?! In can make you crazy! He might just be paranoid, and I know where he's comming from. You just get so worried that people will "suspect something" and that it will :***: up his whole life. Cut him some slack!

Johnny you don't realize how lucky you have it to have realationship at your age being gay if I were you I wouldn't mind being he's dirty little secret for a while until he's ready to come out, but if it really bothers you than talk to him about it. As for having sex if your not ready thats all that matters, and you have to make him recognize that.

 

I'm with the gargoyle on this one. All I smell is Drama. It's up to you but my recommendation is to cut him loose. It kinda sounds like he's been through this before. Say, if he's not out to the world, odds are he's not out to his parents.

Are his parents out of town?
Is he older or what?

 

I'm with the gargoyle on this one. All I smell is Drama. It's up to you but my recommendation is to cut him loose. It kinda sounds like he's been through this before. Say, if he's not out to the world, odds are he's not out to his parents.

Are his parents out of town?
Is he older or what?

 

Oh. Dating with someone in the closet is so exciting. More the risk, more the fun.

 

Dating someone in the closet can be very exciting, but if they get scared: watch out! Here comes the heart ache, especially if you really love them. FROM EXPERIENCE! My ex has it so bad that he won't even admit that our relationship ever took place --- not even to me!

 

Go to his house give him time

 

I'm not out, and my BF hates it!

I told him when i met him that i had no intentions of coming out, he didn't believe me haha

 

i agree with seanthon just say no. you may feel bad at frist but you'll relize it was worth it. I mean i been ib that spot before so i know how you feel right now