I've came out to probably about 6 people now, I think like 12 know though lol. I would love to come out to more people but for some reason I feel guilty about it. Many times, I hear from straight people that its not necessary to come out and parade your sexuality to people. One part of me feels like this is true and that coming out may not even be appropriate. At the same time, however, there's this other part of me that wants everybody to know I'm gay but I don't quite know why. At times, I fear that my reason is solely to attract attention or something like that but I like to think my reasoning isn't that shallow. Other times, I feel like I just want to wear my pride bracelets without being judged, know what I mean? And yet other times, I would like to be out so that other gay people know. I'm pretty sure everybody would agree that it's easier to find a partner and gay friends if people know your gay so they won't feel the fear of accidentally asking a straight person. I guess I would just like some input and your guys' opinions on coming out and why we should do it. Thanks. :icon_bigg
For me, it's just about living honestly and transparently. I feel like because we live in such a heteronormative society there's some kind of inherent, active lie in not telling at least the people close to you who you are. Like I have to watch what I say and then not say things that aren't even all thatserious or anything, for instance, when my friends say "oh that guy's cute", I can't be like "yea, that girl is gorgeous" with the same off hand freedom while I'm in the closet
Mostly it's about trust. If you run around with your Fabulous shirt on, your parents will ask you and wonder why you've changed and you'll say "you guys didn't know? I'm gay!" That will probably break their trust with you. But I agree with you, I wish I could say "wow that guy is soo cute with those jeans on" but I can't I didn't come out
Coming out means different things for different people. For me, it's more of a willingness to allow other people to know I'm gay, not the desire for the entire world to know. It's about not being ashamed of who you are and not keeping such a major aspect of your being a secret. Tell as many people as you think is necessary to be yourself and find happiness. If that's just your close friends and family and anybody who cares to ask, awesome. If you want to eliminate any doubt in anybody who happens to come across you, that's awesome too. There's no right or wrong answer here.
The reason is never that shallow. For me, it is because I fear rejection, and being bullied, as if bullying for me wasn't as bad enough as it already is. I seriously feel like coming out publicly for me might lead to depression so severe that I would probably commit suicide. And I don't want that to happen, so I'm hesitant to come out. But coming out is about freedom. You are free to be yourself, not hide a major part of your life from everyone.
Wow, a lot of great answers! Yeah, I suppose you should never be shamed to tell people who you are and if matters a lot to you. Thanks for your responses
One thing to add... NEVER let an ignorant straight person tell you about how you should/shouldn't feel about something related to your sexuality. They do not understand.
I don't think you should feel guilty about it. I don't mean your feelings are wrong, just that you should be proud of who you are. I think after so much confusion, guilt, sometimes self-hatred, and shame that goes into finding out you aren't what you were probably assumed to be--straight, and having to struggle with who you are and being okay with it, that naturally you want to scream it out. Like, "HEY! I figured out who I am and I'm PROUD of myself for being OKAY with it!" I know I felt that way. I remember riding my dirt bike once and there was this trick I wanted to learn, but it was a huge jump and it really scared the crap out of me, but I didn't want to give up just because I was scared (and everyone assuming I wouldn't, being a girl..). Eventually, I landed it. And when I did, I screamed in celebration. I kind of felt the same way when I figured out my sexuality. I mean, who doesn't like to celebrate gaining confidence? I think it's less about getting attention for it, and more of just being able to be confident about yourself.
