So, I wanna come out to my parents, but I'm scared. I think it's a bit pointless to come out at this time, but I wanna do it anyway. My dad will 100% give me looooooooooong lectures with his wrong beliefs and ideas (not religious), and my mom will probably get really mad and join my dad on the lectures. I've already come out to my brother and cousin so they'll support me on it, but I really don't know if it's gonna be worth it, if my decision is to come out. Should I take the risk? If so, when? Feel free to ask any questions. :help: P.S.: Answers like "just wait til you're independent" are not helpful because that's already my backup plan if I decide not to come out
How about writing a letter? You can bounce it off other people (your brother/cousin/friends/EC) to get their input. You don't have to send it immediately, you can just draft and re-draft it until you're comfortable with it, and the time is right to send it.
Listen politely, but do not waver in your insistence that you are gay and you know it and it is not going to change. You don't want to encourage them that they can "fix" you or "pray away the gay".
Being gay is something you are born with. You can't change your eye or hair color, and being gay is as much of a part of you as those two things are. You can cover up and hide your hair and eye colors, but you can cover them up by dying your hair or wearing contacts. So, suppose there is a trend where blond hair is super popular. You can dye your hair to go along with the trends, or you can wear your hair the way it is despite it not being popular. See where I'm going with this? Right now, straight people are saying, "You can only be cool if you are straight!" So, many of us LGBT people are saying we are straight to cover up the fact that we are gay. But, we can also go and say, "I'm gay." Which do you prefer?
Did you ask yourself if this is really the right time? Because as far as I know, a couple of my friends who came out to their parents got kicked out of the house. (Yeah, talk about heartless people.) If you're still scared then I don't think you're ready. I mean it's pretty normal to be but, you have to make sure that you're really ready for the consequences.
To give a counter to that post above, your parents might just take it fine. It's going to happen eventually. Even if they do give you lectures, don't let them force you back into the closet.
I don't care if it's the right time, all I know is that I don't want to wait more than a year. It'd be awesome if they kicked me out, really. I'd go live with a friend of mine, whose school has gay people and he supports it 100% and just overall it'd be *great* if they forced me to go. ---------- Post added 1st Mar 2014 at 04:38 PM ---------- Normally, I don't care about the new trends that much, and this is no exception. If I'm happy with something I just admire it and keep it as it is. Sure, I'd dye a small part of my hair a brighter color (it's brown now) but I'd never try to change the fact that I'm gay. I like it. And also I already knew the example with the eye color xD ---------- Post added 1st Mar 2014 at 04:39 PM ---------- Nobody can force me back in the closet. ---------- Post added 1st Mar 2014 at 04:40 PM ---------- Could you make that a bit clearer? How would explaining the situation to them make it worse?
Parents often will go through a stage of "denial", because they don't want to face the reality that you are gay. So they tell their kids that it is "just a phase" they are going through, or that homosexuality is just an urge which they can resist if they try hard enough. They are either naive about gay sexuality, or they simply don't want to deal with it; they want you to be the storybook person they have imagined you are, with you leading a storybook life as they have imagined it will be. If you agree with them and tell them that you will try to change, it stalls the process of your coming out and being authentic, and their accepting this inevitability. There is nothing wrong with your explaining yourself to them to help them move on to acceptance of your homosexuality; you are being authentic when you do that. You should not argue with them or get into a fight with them, but neither should you let them persuade you into putting on a phony act thinking that you are helping them by pretending to be straight to temporarily make them happy at the expense of your own happiness. You have to be the "adult" in this discussion, patient and honest, if they are finding it difficult to deal with the reality of your gayness, in order for all of you to move forward to full acceptance of who you are. When you do this and claim your true identity, then you will BE an adult, asserting your own unique and personal identity, and able to lead the life you were meant to live with self-integrity, as a gay man.
Don't worry! No matter what they do, I'm *NEVER* going back. I'm gay and if they don't like it, they can kick me out or at least try to accept me.
I don't think explaining it would make it worse. But if you offer any room for doubt about your orientation (reasonable or not), they'll probably jump on that and use it to try to insist you're not really gay.
I watch my words every time. I try to be really careful with what I say for reasons like that. But the thing keeping me back from coming out to them is that my dad threatens me every time I do something feminine (I don't act feminine myself but sometimes I just imitate other people with a feminine voice) and I know that no matter which way I come out, it's gonna be in their memory forever. Everything's gonna change.
