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Parents

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by lasthopeofmine, Mar 1, 2014.

  1. lasthopeofmine

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    So I came out to my very Christian parents. I understand that there are different types of Christians: my parents are the kind that will pull out a bullhorn and condemn you on the side of the street. Well, I came out to them and received a bunch of Bible verses --all of which I had already read before -- and several names that hurt me really bad. They refuse to accept the fact that I'm a lesbian and told me that I am not allowed to bring that lifestyle into their house. I couldn't have a phone, any type of social networking account, an iPod, anything that would let me communicate with people. I dated this girl named Renee and she bought me an iPod so that we could talk outside of school, but my parents found out a few months later, called her, and told her to never speak to me again. I had a lot of issues with depression and self harm through the years and they found out in December that I had cut. They took me to the hospital and the ER and I was admitted to a Psychiatric hospital to work through a lot of unresolved issues. After I was discharged, my aunt got temporary guardianship of me and now I'm living with her in a different city a few hours away from my parents. My parents are trying to get me into a Christian residential facility that is anti-gay... I don't want to go. They've been trying to change me ever since I came out to them. Do any of you have any advice?
     
  2. BookDragon

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    Talk to your aunt, who I assume ISN'T trying to do something mental. Evidentally SOMEONE thought there was a good reason to grant your aunt temporary guardianship instead of them.

    Seriously, you want her on your side. I'm sure there is some way of making sure you can't every have them decide where you get treatment, but I'm afraid I don't know what that might be. How long does your aunt have guardianship?
     
  3. lasthopeofmine

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    My dad and adoptive mom didn't set an actual date for her guardianship to end.. they checked the box that said "for as long as necessary". But my parents are saying that I can only live with her until the end of May, so I have some time. And me and my aunt talk about it ALL the time. She's definitely on my side
     
  4. BookDragon

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    Who gets to decide the amount of time that is necessary?

    Your parents can't take you back if your aunt still has guardianship...that would be kidnapping wouldn't it?
     
  5. lasthopeofmine

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    My parents have control over the guardianship and how long it lasts. It doesn't make sense to me. They can cancel it whenever they want
     
  6. MessieM

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    Wow you are really brave, and it's so inspirational that you are still carrying on :slight_smile:
     
  7. jasonpaul

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    Good luck. My parents are actively shitty to me as well. Don't let them get you down!
     
  8. lasthopeofmine

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    Nah, I'm not brave. I'm just broken and going with the flow.. which isn't really the best place to be in.
     
  9. sungoesdown

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    Well, I'd make an attempt to just stick with your aunt as long as possible. Good luck!
     
  10. PatrickUK

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    First of all, I'm really sorry that your parents have taken this attitude towards you. It's terrible that they are so blinkered in their understanding of Christianity and have taken to quoting very selective verses from The Bible to make you feel bad. It shows a complete lack of understanding of the faith on their part and these 'so called' Christian facilities that try to make gay people straight are shameful and run by complete charlatans.

    I don't normally advocate lying, but I would hate to see your parents send you to one of those awful places to be brainwashed and further damaged. As you are still under their 'care' might it be best to strike a more conciliatory tone and maybe even say that you were mistaken until you are independent enough to do your own thing? Then you can decide for yourself as a free thinking, self supporting adult. It goes against the grain for me to suggest that any LGBT person hides who they are, but I'm really worried for you if your parents are so stupid.

    If you can stick it out with your Aunt, who sounds great, even better.
     
  11. StillAround

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    I'm so sorry that you're having to go through that. You live in Kentucky, which isn't exactly a hotbed of acceptance, but you do have options. Since you're 16, you have the right to privacy concerning your medical records and the right to make your own medical decisions. (That's by Federal, not State law.)

    So you have a number of options... You could return to your parents' home, and simply refuse to go to a Christian residential facility. I don't think they can legally make that decision for you. If you think they'd go so far as attempt to have you sent there involuntarily by having you declared incompetent, you might go to Childrens' Services in your state and ask them to intervene. In any case, you could go to Childrens' Services and ask for advice.

    If you think that they'd kick you out, have a discussion with your aunt about whether it would be possible to stay with her. She might even go to Children's Services with you to initiate some kind of permanent guardianship even without your parents' consent.

    It's tough to qualify for legal emancipation from your parents because, depending on state laws, you might have to prove you can support yourself, which isn't likely if you're still in high school.

    At least two states (NJ and CA) have already outlawed what's called "gay reparative therapy" for minors because it's so damaging, and because there's no evidence that it ever works.

    I wish you the best, and again, I'm so sorry you're going through this. You deserve so much better.

    There. Is. Nothing. Wrong. With. You.

    (*hug*)
     
  12. StillAround

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    Hi, just me again.

    If your aunt has temporary guardianship, did your parents just sign a letter so your aunt could enroll you in school and stuff, or was the guardianship actually granted through a legal process? If the latter, they'll have to go back to court to request that guardianship revert to them. And I'd hope you and your aunt could prevail in a court of law because of possible endangerment to your mental health.

    And even if it was just a letter, the "as long as necessary" clause probably means that, if they and your aunt disagree on the necessity of you staying with her, you could fight it. You might ask your aunt to check with a lawyer who handles guardianship and custody issues. If money is a problem, you might look for a free legal clinic.

    Just a thought.

    (*hug*)
     
  13. taobroin

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    It makes me so angry to hear that your parents are doing what they're doing. I hope you can stay with your aunt for a while or anywhere else that's safe. KNOW you ARE brave - don't forget it! Know also that this will pass. What ever you do don't go to some lunatic Christian 'pray away the gay' place - that's just insane, and causes more harm than good. As others have said here - I wish you the best. You are going through a lot a $hit right now, but it won't last, survive for now that's all that matters. As stillAround says - *There's nothing wrong with you!*
     
  14. lasthopeofmine

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    Thank you. Each and every one of you. Thank you so much. I'm keeping a blog on here and if you ever want to know how I'm progressing (which I am), you can just check it out. Again, thank you so much. Words cant even explain how much this means to me.
     
  15. taobroin

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    Awesome - just wanted to let you know can't view your blog - there's an error:
    "you do not have permission to access this page. This could be due to one of several reasons: Your user account may not have sufficient privileges to access this page."
    -- See if you can change permissions and grant access so your blog can be followed. All the best to you!
     
  16. lasthopeofmine

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    Thanks for telling me! I just fixed it :slight_smile:
     
  17. Clay

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    So everything StillAround said was perfect. You really need to talk about this with your aunt, seriously. If I were you I'd live with her, try to get her granted guardianship.

    If your parents are trying to get you to go to an anti-gay establishment then they're seriously detrimental to your well-being. It unfortunately means they don't want what's best for you, no matter what they say.

    I just wish I could give you a hug.