I'm bisexual 21 year old male from an extremely religious/homophobic family. My dad's thoughts on me are clear (yelled that I was a "FAGGOT!" as I left the house for school after XMas holidays), but my mom is less hateful. When I origonally tried to come out to her, she was super emphatic, "I'm your mother. I know you better than you know yourself. You're not gay, and if you don't realize that you're going to go to hell. I won't let that happen!" and tried to pull me out of school, so now I lie to her that I'm straight. How do I make progress? My mother's intolerance genuinely comes from a place of love, not of hate. I care about her so much... I just don't want to hurt her. Is it selfish for me to be this way, even though I know how much it hurts her?
With all due respect, your mother sounds like some ideological nut-job to me. I think you should move out of her house ASAP (if you haven't already) and straight up tell her you are gay and that it will never change no matter what she thinks. If she still chooses not to believe you, that's HER problem, not your's.
No, not at all! She's the one who is selfish. And your dad... I honestly have no words to describe him. You're not going to Hell because of who you are.
Watch Prayers for Bobby as a movie together. There isn't a best solution to what you should say to your mom, but saying your straight is a temporary solution for a permanent problem. When you do decide on coming out for real, she will use those words as proof against you. Stay strong
It is not selfish to embrace who you are. As you said before her ignorance and intolerance comes from a place of love. It might take time but you might be able to get though to her eventually that you are who you are.
I'm in complete agreement with others here who say - it is not selfish to want to be who you are, and to express that openly without being verbally abused. I had a very similar experience coming out to my parents and so I do understand the pain you feel - but make no mistake - it is up the them to get passed their fear and ignorance - and it will probably take some time. I am in 100% agreement with BelleFromHell: ... Further... and I would add: Your father is acting like an ass-hat. You can't fix him, but you can turn this around, and make it about them, which IMHO - it most certainly is. You're a courageous guy to come out! Now I'd recommend, next time they talk crap - tell them if they don't cease the talk of burning in hell, or name calling, then they will not be seeing you. you may want to recommend PFLAG, or just drop a few PFLAG brouchures on them and tell them - in no uncertain terms - they are the ones with the problem, not you. (just my $.02). Good Luck!
She is wrong about knowing you more than you do yourself. You are you, she doesn't know what it's like to be you. Remember that Kelly Clarkson song, Stronger? One of the verses said "think that they know you more than you do." You are gay, she can't change that. Nothing can change that.
