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I just came out to mother and brother. Very mixed emotions about it. any advice?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by notconfused, Mar 2, 2014.

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  1. notconfused

    notconfused
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    I posted here a few months ago and with advice I eventually decided it would be best for me to come out to my parents and immediate family and then wait until college to be fully open. I decided I would come out to my parents months ago but I only actually did it 2 days ago. I was just sitting there talking to my mom and I said, almost in auto-pilot, 'I have to tell you something".
    Her: yeah.. What?
    Me: I'm bi
    Her: haha very funny
    Me: no, really, I'm being serious, I am.
    Her: really?
    Me: yeah
    Her: Okay
    Me: any feelings on that
    Her: no not really, you are still [my name]
    ...
    Her: how long have you known?
    Me: since I was about 11
    Her: well I obviously still love you and don't think of you any differently.


    At point my heart was pounding wildly and I felt almost like I was in a dream-like state. Like I couldn't even feel the ground beneath me. I then decided to go ahead and see what my brother was doing, and to my luck, he was alone. This Gave me an opportunity to get telling him out of the way too. Que another long dialog

    Me: I'm bi
    Him: as in... Bisexual?
    Me: yeah
    Him: are you sure?
    Me: yeah
    Him: how can you know for sure?
    Me: the same way you can know that you like only girls.
    Him: okay, but I never see you flirting with any guts or anything.
    Me: I'm good at hiding it.
    Him: so why didn't you just come out earlier? It would have probably been easier for you.
    Me: I was too embarrassed
    Him: why?
    Me: ...
    Him: okay, so.. Why exactly do you like about guys
    Me: I'm not about to discuss that.
    Him: so you like girls too?
    Me: yeah
    Him: do you like them in the same way?
    Me: it is slightly different, but similar.
    Him: okay
    Me:...

    And then we started talking about other things like video games.

    It is all kind of dream-like. Like it happened, but not in real life. Like it was played out in my head but not in real life. It bothers me so much that I just came out of the closet and it feels like I'm still in it. I don't know if its because I was so invested in my appearance of straitness that I can't dissolve the lie in myself as quickly as I can tell the truth, or if I am just no different and nothing in my life is really different at since I can out.

    I am glad I did it, but honestly I still want to puke when I think about it.
     
    #1 notconfused, Mar 2, 2014
  2. HIL91025

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    Re: I just came out to mother and brother. Very mixed emotions about it. any advice

    Well done :slight_smile: it's great you came out.

    Your mum was great about it. Your brother, in my opinion, is a little annoyed that you kept it from him. But it sounds like he's not overly bothered. I'm guessing you're all just trying to get used to it, I'd imagine that takes a few weeks. Keep us posted :slight_smile:
     
    #2 HIL91025, Mar 2, 2014
  3. Csp1993

    Csp1993 Guest

    Re: I just came out to mother and brother. Very mixed emotions about it. any advice

    Well, you are extremely lucky that everyone accepted it right off the bat. Not many parents or families are that way. I think, right now, that everyone you told took it so lightly that you feel it wasn't real. Coming out is a big, big deal and they just said "Hmmm, okay!". If it bothers you that much, sit them all down together and say, "Look, this is really important to me. I want you all to take it seriously too." If you even get them all together for a sit-down they'll probably get a hint that you're being serious anyway. Just be honest about how you're feeling. That's when people will respond the most.
     
    #3 Csp1993, Mar 2, 2014
  4. azure au

    azure au
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    Re: I just came out to mother and brother. Very mixed emotions about it. any advice

    Well done! I imagine that it happened a faster than you imagined it. Give everyone including yourself some time to get used to you being out. It seems the reaction from them both was pretty positive.
     
    #4 azure au, Mar 2, 2014
  5. Linali

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    Re: I just came out to mother and brother. Very mixed emotions about it. any advice

    I think your feelings are pretty normal, given that 'nothing' in your life really changed.
    You came out to your close family, but you are still the same as you were before, like your Mother said, just with the aspekt not being fully in the closet.
    My outing was pretty similar to yours, my mum just said she was okay with it and that was it. I was a bit weirded out due to this reaction, but came to terms with it.
    Maybe you still need some time to 'realise' your outing, but if you still don't feel good with it, I would suggest that you talk to your Mother about your feelings she sounded like a pretty open person.
    The feeling of still being 'in the closet' might come from only being out to your family, but not with your friends. Maybe I am not sure about that one.
    I hope I understood everything correctly ...
    I also think you should be true to yourself. You don't have to hide behind a fake appearance, if you can stand up for yourself and can say 'yes this is who I am' than everything should be fine. I know it needs time to archive this point were you can be true to yourself. So take the time you need.
    You have your family backing you up, that is a great thing not everyone is as lucky. Your post sounded like you felt a bit misunderstood by your family, if that is really the case than you should talk with them again and tell them your point of view.

    But nevertheless well done :grin:
    Lina
     
    #5 Linali, Mar 2, 2014
    Last edited: Mar 2, 2014
  6. PatrickUK

    PatrickUK
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    Re: I just came out to mother and brother. Very mixed emotions about it. any advice

    I don't think your brother's reaction was great, but it certainly wasn't bad. He seemed more curious than anything.

    Sometimes we have to be grateful if we don't get a really bad or hysterical reaction, even if it's not the reaction we were hoping for.

    Well done for coming out. It's not easy - especially the first few times.
     
    #6 PatrickUK, Mar 2, 2014
  7. lilly1990

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    Re: I just came out to mother and brother. Very mixed emotions about it. any advice

    Well done for coming out :eusa_clap You've got a lot of weight off your shoulders. Your mum's reaction was great and your brother will get used to it. Overall, I wish my familly will react just the way yours did when I come out as Lesbian. Anyway just like I said great job for coming out and don't let anyone discriminate you.
     
    #7 lilly1990, Mar 2, 2014
  8. Munyal

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    Re: I just came out to mother and brother. Very mixed emotions about it. any advice

    You have an excellent family!

    Such Love!

    Much Acceptance!

    Wow!
     
    #8 Munyal, Mar 2, 2014
  9. SemiCharmedLife

    SemiCharmedLife
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    Re: I just came out to mother and brother. Very mixed emotions about it. any advice

    Congrats! This was a big step for you, and I think the emotions are still raw and sorting themselves out. Once a little time passes, you will see how unbelievably lucky you are to have gotten such a great reaction from your family, and how good it feels to have shed the burden of being completely in the closet. Again, congrats!
     
    #9 SemiCharmedLife, Mar 2, 2014
  10. Higs

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    Re: I just came out to mother and brother. Very mixed emotions about it. any advice

    Like everyone said, give it some time.

    After coming out to my mother, who had quite similar reaction to yours, I felt really weird around her and for several days I could hardly be in the same room, recalling the conversation we had. But it´s all fine now, takes time to get used to it.
     
    #10 Higs, Mar 2, 2014
  11. notconfused

    notconfused
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    Re: I just came out to mother and brother. Very mixed emotions about it. any advice

    This morning was a relief. It still feels like I haven't done it, but my mom and brother stopped acting 'fake'. Not really a bad fake, but more like a fake where they don't know how to approach my admission and they don't want to offend me at all. I really enjoyed hearing everyone's advice. Sometimes you know the answer but it takes somebody else saying it to make you realize that it is how you felt :icon_bigg
     
    #11 notconfused, Mar 2, 2014
  12. RainbowRainDrop

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    Re: I just came out to mother and brother. Very mixed emotions about it. any advice

    You're lucky they took it so well. I'm still shaking about telling my mom.
     
    #12 RainbowRainDrop, Mar 2, 2014
  13. Ghost93

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    Re: I just came out to mother and brother. Very mixed emotions about it. any advice

    I feel maybe the fact that you kinda came out in a casual way and the fact that it went over so smoothly is part of the reason why you feel like you haven't really come out. You were probably expecting them to make a bigger deal out of it and for there to be more drama.

    Regardless, I am happy that your family is trying their best to be accepting.
     
    #13 Ghost93, Mar 2, 2014
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