Hey everyone! So, I have had this coworker that I have known for about three years now that I have found attractive. He is gay and I have known for several years of this. He works in a different department as I do, but he does not know I am interested in men. I asked him if we could get a drink tomorrow night after work and I plan to tell him I am attracted to men. I'm not sure if he has any clue about me because I have denied it to him in the past when one of his friends brought it up... I wasn't comfortable with myself yet. We haven't hung out in a few years, but we recently started going to the same church and usually sit next to each other and of course I see him quite often at work when our shifts change. I would like to ask him on a date, but I am not sure if I should bring it up during the same time I come out to him. Could that be too much for him to handle or would it be alright? Does anyone else have any advice for me on what to do in this situation? Also, he is not out at work for the most part so I don't have to worry about him blabbing to our coworkers.... but even if he did, our work is fairly open about those things... we have a very open lesbian that works here too. Thanks for any of your help
Hi and welcome to EC! I think the best approach would be to take it one step at a time. I would come out to him first and take it from there. I don't think it would be too much for him to handle but given that you did have a period of time where you didn't talk or communicate much, maybe try to engage him in a conversation and get to know him better first before asking him out on a date. Sometimes it is better when we take it slow. Given that he is gay and you have known him for a while now he would be an excellent person to confide in. Good Luck!
I too would suggest to come out to him first, but then see how things are going. If you feel as if things are personal enough, or he already knew; you could ask him but don't rush anything. That's my $0.02
I would come out to him, and then take it naturally. If it feels right, ask him out, if not, wait a little longer until you're more close and then ask him. It sounds like the situation is pretty ideal, what with you going to the same church and having various things in common, and you knowing he's queer. Just go for it
Hey everyone! Thanks for all your advice. I decided to take all of your advice and take it one step at a time. We ended up going to a bar and having a light dinner and a couple drinks. Afterward, we walked around downtown before walking to our respective cars. He told me he wasn't really surprised because he had his suspicions in the past. He was basically waiting for me to tell him, and if I didn't tell him, then he was alright with that. I realized since we haven't hung out much that I don't know him all that well. We both have changed a lot. We'll hang out more and just see where it goes from there. Thanks for your advice
