Newly gay and trapped

It's not an advice, it is personal experience. If you have time (and a good soul) you'll read my thread and post your opinion there (http://emptyclosets.com/forum/famil...not-so-well-planned-but-still-valid-work.html) since I believe I am in a simular situation.

Fact is, I am 21 and never came out. Just like you I need to be out to actually have a live, I am not miserable but I'm not fully happy as well. Now back to you...

You got three options. First is to get to know your friends better, go out more frequently with them, be more present on their lives, become really united. After that you'll know by random conversation, if they are okay with homossexuality, you'll get their reactions and see how things go. If it turns out fine, come out to them, without leaving who you are behind. Then they might get your problems solved, you'll have a group of friends where you can be who you are and be proud of that.

Second is to make new friends. I don't know your school situation, but at college you might find a new road for you. There are going to be newcomers just like you, your new classmates, your new teachers, everything basically. You can start all over.

Third is to leave things how they are. I do not suggest that ^^

I also struggle with my parents and I plan leaving my house, as soon as I am not dependant on them anymore, cause I am sure they will not accept me for who I am and that might tear the whole family appart. Do not feel guilty if you feel the urge to ignore your old life, if it is not making you happy, leave it behind.

 

Like jonnemack said, I don't know if you're in college/university. If you are, you have TONS and TONS of resources and people that can give you a lending hand. There's so many possibilities out there!

If you're not in college/uni, then I advise you to get involved in whatever extracurriculars that is available. Meet new people and eventually you're run into one that you'll love, and the feeling would be mutual - your close circle of friends.

LGBT groups are everywhere! Take the time to search them out and mingle in with them! It's worth a try!

Cheers!

 

If you are at home, I would say to come out to your friends. Before I knew my parents would be accepting, I gave it a lot of thought. If you think your parents would kick you out, there should be an accepting friend who you can stay with.

 

Hi there!

I have a few thoughts/questions for you. First, you mention that you have no close friends who are gay or to seek advice from. Do you have any friends that you feel comfortable telling that you are gay even if you aren't super close? I would recommend telling a friend that you feel would react positively if you are able.

Next, you mention that you are a college student. Most colleges have some sort of an LGBT group on campus. I would highly recommend going to one of these groups. It can be hard to do, but connecting with other queer people is a great thing. It's hard to make this step, but it is very beneficial, so I'd consider it.

Now onto parents. My parents come from a very conservative, Christian background as well. I'm not going to lie, when I came out, things were hard. My dad didn't sleep at all for days, my mom just cried. I was lectured to about how I was confused, and my dad said some pretty hurtful things that really aren't worth repeating. Even though they don't accept my sexuality, they still love me. They just don't understand how to process that someone they love so much can be something that they have been taught all of their lives is wrong.

Here's what I would recommend you do:
1. Join EC (See you've already taken the first step )
2. Try to come out to a friend that you know will be supportive and that you can trust.
3. I highly recommend trying to go to an LGBT group on campus. It's hard to walk through those doors, but I'd almost guarantee you'll never regret it if you do. (I'm even pretty confident and out and it took me a lot of guts to go to my first meeting last month)
4. Continue to gain support from friends and classmates.
5. Family:
a. Seriously weigh the pros and cons of waiting until after college to come out.
b. Consider if their love for you will overpower all of the bad things they have been taught.
c. Ultimately only you will be able to decide if/when the time is right. However, I'd make sure you have a support system if you do decide to come out to them.

Hope this helps! If you have any questions for me or anything, just let me know!

 

Nicely said, skov. I agree completely, with one exception. I'd put attending an LGBT support meeting (on or off campus--think a college GSA or PFLAG) ahead of coming out to a friend. Give yourself a chance to hear how others are dealing with the same problems before you decide on your own course of action.

Also, does your college provide some sort of counseling service? Might be worth looking into.

I'm sorry you're in this situation. There. Is. Nothing. Wrong. With. You.

(*hug*)

 

That's very true. The main reason I put coming out to a friend first was because I know I wouldn't have acquired the courage to go to one of those groups without prior support from friends. If the OP is able to go to a group first, I'd recommend that as well.

 

Only tell your parents if you feel ready and if you feel that they will support you and not kick you out.

You don't necessarily have to tell a close friend as you can tell any friend, but it is best to gauge their opinion on homosexuality first perhaps by discussing a relevant news article. Discussing this with them may make your friendship closer, however try and pick a supporting friend, or perhaps a relative who isn't a parent.

The above suggestions are very sensible, and you may wish to explore these further.

Best of luck, please keep us updated and express your feelings on this website throughout your journey, as I found using the site and being round people in familiar situations is helpful.

 

Sounds pragmatic, this website can also provide you with additional support.