I've recently had these strange insecure thoughts about lesbian sex being meaningless. It feels like all the time in society people discount lesbian sex - either by saying "it's just foreplay because there's no penetration" or just "girls only sleep with each other because they can't find a man" or simply "what can lesbians really do though?". Even well-meaning gay men here sometimes voice this kind of question. Even though these beliefs really annoy me, I feel like they're starting to affect me. I sometimes worry like it's not really "sex", or that it's somehow less important or real. I know this sounds stupid but I feel I've lost my self-confidence. I find myself thinking "How sad am I, that I am attracted to this non-sex rather than real sex with a man?". I know this must sound so wierd and it's hard to explain. I just feel like the derision and casual discounting of lesbian sex has tapped into some kind of internal homophobia and made me feel bad about my own desires. I don't know if this makes any sense. Can anyone help me to have self-esteem about this again?
That's silly. Whoever is telling you these things is being ridiculous. Can you not achieve an orgasm through female-female intercourse? By my standards if you can climax, then it's sex. This nonsense about penetration is overrated. Don't let these fools belittle your desires. Lesbians are just as capable in bed as their male-male or male-female counterparts. (*hug*)
Not just as capable Proud1p4, we gay / lesbians are usually better at it. because we know our own bodies, and how to please our partner
^ I agree. Lesbian sex is just as enjoyable as straight or gay male sex, (if not more in my opinion ) Penetration doesn't mean anything. Sex is having an orgasm, in my opinion. The way lesbian sex is portrayed to other people, I can see how it would seem like it's not really sex. But if there's passion, and it feels right, then to me, it IS right. No matter what other people think of it. (*hug*)
I'll be honest, I lied to myself about my sexuality for a long time, so I have had sex with a guy (NOT a proud moment--sorry guys, just not for me). I NEVER climaxed with a guy, and actually never enjoyed it at all. After having sex with a girl, I realized that THAT is what sex is to me. Also, I'll be blunt. Girls can have penetration too. We have toys and we have hands. I feel sex with girls is more intimate, and those who have the opinions you expressed obviously just don't understand how AWESOME our sex is! I've suggested this book countless times before in other posts and threads, but it DOES help. The Whole Lesbian Sex Book, by Felice Newman. Read it. You will learn a lot about Lesbian sex and probably feel better about it. Good luck!
1. Sex is defined by a man penetrating a woman for procreation purposes. So all gays and lesbians can't have real sex, all impotent individuals can't either, oh, and those wearing protective measures are not having real sex as well. 2. Sex involves penetration. I have sex every time someone puts their finger into my nose or mouth. And I should sue all the doctors that I've visited since they sexually abuse me by penetrating my organs with all kinds of devices.
First you don't have to have penetration for it to be sex. If you feel passion and you care about each other and can bring each other pleasure and have an orgasm then it is sex. Giving that much pleasure in the heat of passion is very important so don't let people tell you any different. Lesbian sex isn't any less important then any other sex. If you are passionate and you can climax then it is real! Don't feel guilty for your desires know that what you feel for girls is normal and sex is real no matter what kind it is. I know when you find someone you want to share that moment with that it will feel like it should full of passion and care.
I think sex is more about the feeling of oneness two people have during and less about actual penetration. There's got to be some kind of contact, usually, but I don't think anything need be inside anything else. But I get what you're saying about the feelings of "maybe it's not real" - I have them, and I like to think other gay men have them. I think it's just the fear of societal norms, really; our internal homophobias can be worse than any other kind we experience.
i agree with that!! and i know my lesbian friends will totally agree (partly cause shes sat here =P lol) its stupid when people throw these things comments at you for example i had someone tell me: "It isnt gay sex if ur the one giving its only gay if you take it" <sarcasm> So its nothing to do with if your in a gay or not its if you take it or not even if it is 2 guys or 2 girls, at least we know now! </sarcasm>:roflmao: Anyway backto the subject, dont worry bout what others think. others shouldn't take so much interest what YOU do in YOUR bedroom or what you call it. x
My boyfriend seemed to think he was still a virgin after he penetrated me because I didn't penetrate him. I told him you can't emerge from a night of sex with one virgin and one non-virgin after the two people were virgins to start out with. Idiot. I'm in the boat of people who think sex is a state of mind, and not about any one specific act. Earlier in my relationship, I HATED the penetrative stuff. It never dawned on me that when I was doing other stuff I wasn't being as intimate as I could be, or what I was doing was "meaningless." Sex is about the excitement and passion that comes with being vulnerably naked with someone you care about. It's about sharing something that (hopefully) less than 99.999% of the world has ever shared with you. Sexual intercourse can include many things: oral sex, anal sex, vaginal sex, casual hook ups, an affair out of a relationship, and unfortunately even rape. But sex, in so far as we consider it as making love - that's a whole other, special thing.
I agree with that. I wouldn't even say it has to be orgasmic. I mean lots of women don't orgasm during sex with men yet its still sex. I would just say its a physical closeness along with sexual arousal through foreplay, stimulation, or intercourse.
I sometimes feel a bit like you too, Psychedelic Bookmarks, and I do think that it's a case of the incessant jokes about lesbian sex not existing getting to us. I think that sex with another woman is however you would define it yourself - and I expect that when you do meet a woman, you will know when you've slept with her. But it's definately not meaningless. If there are two people of whatever genders in love and they choose to express this physically, then this is beautiful, and never meaningless. Whilst I have never done anything lesbian myself, I am pretty sure that anyone who says lesbian sex is meaningless either hasn't ever had any, or has, but is straight. But I know what you mean - I feel like that sometimes. I think that it is closely tied to the idea that lesbian relationships aren't "real" relationships, as in, if you can't have real sex, then you're not in a real relationship. But I think that when you meet a woman (which you will), you will know when you've had sex, and that sex will be everything but meaningless to you. I hope this helps
Couldn't have said it better myself. It's all about the love and the closeness. And like ccdd said, you'll know when you've slept with someone. Just don't worry about it...and do whatever feels right. That's what sex is all about.
It's not the sex that matters but the feelings behind it, if you enjoy it then it's fine no matter what other people say, don't let it worry you.
I've often felt the same way. My teen years were awful, I was so damaged because I felt that I was incomplete or left behind because I didn't have straight sex in my life. When I got a girlfriend and had sex with her for the first time I knew instantly that it was real and just as valid as any other sex. Our sex as yet isn't penetrative but it's passionate and we both have multiple orgasms! When this realisation hit me my life changed completely.
