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how to ask close friend about relationship

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by careandrespect, Jul 14, 2008.

  1. careandrespect

    Regular Member

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    Hello to my companions at empty closets. I have a question that I need to ask you and was wondering if you could provide me with some helpful advice. I have a very good friend who is twenty-two years old and I have known him since November 2007. During this time I have shared a great deal with him and he has sharred a great deal with me too. Some of these things include coming out to him (which he was very accepting of) as well as telling him how much I care about him. He is a very shy person and I know for a fact that he will not talk about relationship issues unless I break the ice first. We spend a lot of time together during which I have told him that I care a great deal for him as well as how much I value our friendship. Last night I even told him that of all the people I could spend my time with, he would be the only one. He answered by saying that he felt the same way towards me too. We have even held hands briefly on a few occasions (I initiated the action first) - which I told him that if he felt uncomfortable I would never do it again. He said that it was ok. The only conflict I face is that I would like to come right out and tell him that I care about him on a deeper level ( he has never admited that he is gay) but I am afraid of rejection. Maybe I have already done this by all that I have said and done. I don't really know? All I want to do is continue a relationship which is based upon mutual respect but I also want to have it so that we both are able to relate to each other on a deeper level too. Any suggestions would be most appreciated.

    careandrespect
     
  2. Lexington

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    It sounds like you have him pegged fairly well. It definitely appears like you're going to have to be the one who nudges the relationship in that direction if it's ever gonna get there.

    How do you do it? Gently. In a friendly manner. And leaving him plenty of leeway to accept or refuse.

    "I've been giving this a lot of thought, and I don't want us to be working at cross-purposes, so I feel I'd best say this now. I think you're a great friend, and I'm really happy that you're in my life. However, I've been thinking about perhaps taking our relationship to the next level. Becoming somewhat more than just friends. I don't know if this is something you've given any thought to, and if so, what your thoughts on the matter are. I won't be hurt if you'd rather not go down that path, and I definitely want you to be my friend no matter what. But I'd like to hear what you think of the idea."

    Lex
     
  3. tylerksub

    tylerksub Guest

    I don't think i have a place to say but your relationship might seem different to him. You are 39 and he is 22, that's a 17 year difference and that might not matter to you to but i think its important that you both agree what kind of relationship you are sharing before you move on.
    *Where is your Avi looking at Lex...its been on my mind all day.*
     
  4. sexyalex

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    lol Lex got a new avi! :grin:

    anyways. Careandrespect, the first thing u need to centre ur mind around befor u go asking for a relationship is how much do u value ur friendship with this guy. Dispite the fact ur old enough to be his dad...which in fact age dosn't matter...it's just a number and your BOTH adults. Nevertheless, ur nether sure if he is homosexual or he is hetero and just supportive and carefree(cuz i do have friends who are straight and are like that)

    However, seeing ur the one to always break the ice, u should ask him one day in a calm environment, over a drink or something maybe..when he is at ease. Cuz no matter how much of a friend he is there is a 88.9%chance he might freak if u ask him to be in an intimate relationship with you. So u might wanna start by finding out if he IS infact gay -.-''. Plus, u have known him as long as i have been a member of this site which, lets seeeeee 8 months... it's not even a year and there could be soo mcuh more to know.

    are u sure an intimate relationship is what u want right now?

    -Alex
     
  5. careandrespect

    Regular Member

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    Thank you for the advice. If any other members have anything they wish to share your help would be most appreciated.
    careandrespect