Hey people. I am eighteen and desperately, undeniably trans. For context, I've consciously hated being a male since I entered secondary school, and never knew being transgender was real (my only knowledge came from mockeries of Chandler's dad, etc.). In the last year I found reddit and within a month, I came out to myself. I proceeded to grapple with it in a two steps forward, two steps back kind of way. I told my best friend recently, to prevent myself from going into denial, and her acceptance of it and me has helped a lot in giving me confidence to proceed. I know step-by-step how to get from now to hormones, and I hope to begin stealth HRT within a year to a year and a half from now. So: here comes my question. How soon is too soon to out myself to friends? We are in our leaving-school year, so I don't want to distract from studies or duties. I am also scared they'll think it was a passing phase if I tell them too soon, as in I tell them, a year passes and they stop taking me seriously. I have no real fears my close friends will have trouble with it, we're all very liberal. What I am scared about is, we are a group. If this is group knowledge, it might become a group discussion, and then less accepting ears might overhear. In that scenario, I could be the gossip of the school, which would lead to my family learning of my identity, and I am really not prepared for that. On the other hand, they're amazingly open-minded people, and I can foresee fascinating discussions with both of the people I mean to tell (so 3 people in total would know, in the real world), one from a spiritual standpoint and the other from a psychological/scientific understanding. I also want to tell them- I don't want their image of me to become more masculine, and I don't like hiding this, especially if it turns out they DO think it's wrong! Have any of you tips on when to come out to close friends? Have you any warnings to give me? Any shining rays of hope to send me? I'm sorry for the inevitable typos I surely made, I'm using a truly terrible phone. If I stay on here, my spelling will drastically improve soon.
Dear friend To answer your question, how ever fast you feel. I would tell your closest friends first so you have supporters with you. I would investigate on your other friends. Find out what they have to say about lgbt people. If they say something bad or uncool don't tell them. But if they are your friends then they should except you for who you are not for what clothes you wear. If need something clarified or answered just ask Best of luck -Dex
It took me a long time to tell anyone something that personal about myself.....It took me years and years....... The first person I ever told was a lesbian teacher that I knew for years..........Hmmmm.....If your comfy telling people than I would go for it
Hi, welcome to EC. I've got on question because I keep hearing this come up and I just don't understand where people are getting it from. You say you want to start "Stealth HRT", which I assume means you will still be living full time as male, but be on hormones. My question is where did you get the idea this was possible? For clarifications sake, I'm not saying categorically that it ISN'T possible, just that I wasn't aware that it was. However if it IS possible and you plan on doing it stealth...then how do you intend to explain breast growth, for example, while living as male? Anyway on to the question you asked. Telling your friends. TO be honest, at this point you need to think about what works for YOU more than what will work for them. If we are being realistic, you're not planning on socially transitioning yet, are you? (By 'socially transitioning' I mean living as a woman before any medical stuff happens). If not, then what changes for your friends? Maybe they have to work around a new name and pronouns but perhaps not even that if you don't want it getting around the school yet. If they take it well, it SHOULDN'T cause them too much in the way of problems right now. If you were going to tell them and turn up the next day in a dress, it would take more adjustment, but if not, they should be OK. If they don't take it well...it's not like you're doing anything wrong. You could put off telling people FOREVER just in case they don't take it well. But let's consider YOU for a minute. Which is going to cause YOU more stress. Telling your friends, knowing that you will have to explain that you can't do much about it yet or keeping it hidden until you are finally able to?
Any time you feel ready to, and you think they are also ready to know. Eventually, they will probably know. Try finding out what they have to say about transgenders, because if their view of them is heavily influenced by negative stereotypes, then it's best to save telling them for much later. Or leave them to find out for themselves. It's good that they are open-minded. Would it be possible for you to ask them not to tell anyone else about it yet?
