I need help, I've come out to people before, but all the people I've come out to are no longer in my life, over the last couple of years they've all dropped out or moved. Its like I'm in the closet again, and I don't know if I can find the curage to come out again. I miss having people to talk to, face to face or on the phone. Now that my brother is at the same school as me I don't want to have it get back around to him, and him tell my mom and grandparents. I know my mom already knows, but I have never told her. I remember one time she found Gay porn on my computer...years ago, when I was in grade 8. I had left the internet on when I went to my dads house, and since we had Dial-up back then no one could make or recieve phone calls, so she had to go turn my computer off, and found it. She called me at my dads and was crying, the first thing the said, before anything else was "I still Love You." I knew what she was talking about, but i tried to act like I didn't. I asked her "Whats wrong, Did something happen" stuff like that. I convenced myself that I convinced her that It was spam E-mails, and pop-ups that were triggered because of a joke my little brothers friend Steven was trying to pull. He was forbidden to come around anymore, and I didnt care, I never really liked him much anyways. I will never forget what she said tho, "I still love you." I could here the hurt in her voice. She was crying, and it hurt me so much. I don't ever want to go threw that again. My mom doesnt go to church but she is still a full blown christian. She always has me read Christain books, and even pays me money to read them, If i pass the quizzes she askes me on them. They all frown upon Homosexuality. Hah, frown upon was probly the most polite way to make that statement. So I know she knows, but i don't know how she will react when i tell her straight forward. When I sever all hope she has that it is her imagination. The only reason She even thought about beliving the excuse for the porn is because she wants it to be true SO badly that she has made it true to herself. She didnt want to accept it. She still wont accept it, all these years later. Now back to Friends. I don't know how accepting they will be. I have come out to maby 20 people in my life. I have lost comtact with everyone of them. I've started new. I don't see it as a 2nd chance like some poeple would, i see it as a set back. I know the poeple at my school new about it at one point or another, my schools population is so small everyone knows everything about everyone, even people they dont really know. Like i couls tell you some really personal things about people I could barely pick out in a crowd. The same thing go in reverse im sure. It's just I dont know if they know for sure, and I'm faced with the same problems i was faced with the first time around. There have been alot of people defend my sexuality for me, and it hurts me to know that they care enough about me to defend me, yet i cant bring myself to come out to them. Please :help: me I need people's advice. It was hard to write this, and i dont know how much sence it makes but i needed to do it, and I hope that I get some feedback on it. Thank you for taking your time to read this. you don't know how much it means to me. Josh
Josh, I'm not sure I can offer much advice because I'm not 'out' yet myself. But I can sense the hurting and the loneliness, and I just wanted to say hi, and that I'm sure you'll get some good advice from the other folks on this site. I'm sure it does feel like a real set back when all of your friends that you could talk openly about have now moved away. That would leave you feeling very isoldated again - and that's not a good place to be. Good luck, and use this site to continue expressing your thoughts and feelings - it helps alot! Jim
Hey, You situation is a tough one. You do know that one day or another you are going to have to tell your mom you are gay. You already know she will still love you. She will be hurt when you tell her but right now, the only person you are hurting is yourself. It is not going to get any better the longer you wait. I am not technically "out" either so I know how you feel. But I know I am going to come out this year to my family because I am going to university in the fall and it would be much easier to do it when I am leaving. I am worried, like you, to come out to my family. But I am not going to milk out the pain of keeping a secrete that is a major part of my life from them. My point is... I feel for you and I hope you understand that coming out will be a good thing for yourself. Try not to think too much about it... Humans have a tendency to complicate the simplest of tasks. I'm sorry if I missed any major complications in this. I wish for your life to be filled with happiness and success. All the best! Rob
Hey endlessnight. I actually grew up in Georgia and have family that live in Macon. Crazzzzy. First, I'm sorry for your situation. It sounds like you're in high school and I'd be the first to tell you how hard it is to come out during that time period. I couldn't do it myself. It's good that you're using some resources, like EC to let out some of your thoughts. It really does help to have an outlet and I encourage you to continue to do so. I recently came out to most of the people in my life. It's been extremely difficult at times, but a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. The thing that got me to make the leap was having a few close people I could rely on. Even though you lost those people in the past, I hope that you'll still be able to let others in. Good luck and keep us posted.
Josh, I'm sorry you are feeling this way. When you are feeling ready to talk to your Mom again, I would suggest she read this book: The Children are Free - reexamining the Biblical Evidence on Same-Sex Relationship by Rev.Jeff Minor and John Tyler Connoley Also these are some good resources online for her: http://www.soulforce.org/ http://www.teach-ministries.org/ There are many more if you do some searching. Good luck!
Hey Josh, I'm not really out either. I thought that once I came out to some people it would be easier to come out to more people, but it's not that simple it sounds. I'm sorry you're having a hard time with this. It sounds like your mom will not reject you so that's a wonderful thing. As always, I want to reiterate that being gay and Christian are not mutually exclusive regardless what we hear from the people who misunderstand the Bible. There are as many Christian experts who support us as those who oppose us. Maybe give your mom a reading assignment and have her read something like Mel White's "Stranger at the Gate" or something similar. Pay her to read something and quiz her! As Becky suggested, there are lots of great web resources on the subject. We're always here for you! Take care.
