So this is my first post here, and I hope I posted this in the right area, sorry if not! I'm 20, turning 21 in a month, and I've only just come to the realization that I'm bi about a month or so ago. It's weird--up until I was about 16 I was really just attracted to guys and that was it. I guess looking back I can see times where I felt awkward around other girls or had feelings toward girls that I didn't really understand that were probably crushes, but I never thought I was bi. In fact I was bullied all throughout middle school and high school because a lot of kids thought I was a lesbian, and when I eventually started dating boys, people thought that I was bi. This made me angry because at that time I really did identify myself as straight and never thought I was anything else but that. Fast forward years later and now I'm coming to the realization that I'm bi. I feel like I'm still in the denial stage--I try to tell myself it's normal to be attracted to girls and be straight, but in my mind I know I like girls way too much to be straight. I feel like a lot of the reason I've had a hard time accepting it and admitting it to myself is because I was bullied so much in school because people thought I liked girls. It's really backwards and weird but I feel like if I admit to myself that I do like girls, then all the people who teased me for it would be right, and I was bullied so much that I don't want to admit that they were right. I know that's completely not fair to me and that it shouldn't matter, but that's how I feel in the back of my mind and I think that's why it's been so hard for me to accept it. I'm slowly beginning to get over that, but it's a process. Has anyone else dealt with something similar? Also, another thing I'm concerned about that's in regards to coming out. The only person I've really come out to is my best friend, who is gay. It was a lot easier to tell him because I knew for certain he wouldn't judge me since he's gay and all and we're super close. But coming out to my straight friends scares me more--especially my girl friends, because I'm afraid for it to make things awkward. I'm in college and I go to a relatively small school--about 3,000 students. I want to be able to tell the friends that I'm close to, but if they do say something, I'm afraid for word to spread and for me to feel the exact same way I felt in middle school and high school again. I know people are generally more accepting in college, so it's probably just an irrational fear. I have several friends who are openly gay at school, but I guess being out as bi is concerning to me because I honestly don't really know any other people who are bi. All of my friends are either gay or straight. So I guess I'm worried that guys might be turned off by it, or that girls will feel awkward around me. Part of me feels like it'd be easier if I were just gay, or if I were just straight. I don't really have any other friends who are bi (except for my friends who are gay and thought they were bi at some point), so I guess I don't really have anyone to talk to about it. So if anyone who is bi could tell me about their experience coming out or tell me that what I'm thinking is totally nothing to worry about, I'd appreciate it. I just need advice about it cause this is all really new to me and it's been a lot to take in. I feel like it's weird that I didn't start noticing this during puberty and that I'm 20 and just now realizing I'm bi, but I guess everyone's journey is different. Any advice would be much appreciated
Hello, welcome to EC! Yes, this is the right forum. And yes, it is a name. Also, I have not really come out yet but if you have openly gay friends, you could ask them and they could give you some more specified advice. Also, if you tell your friends and they are not homophobic, they should respect your decision to keep it a a secret and that is what they will probably do. Everybody feels paranoid at being outed at one time or another, and it doesn't happen too often. And if some of your straight friends feel awkward, then remind them that just because they are straight doesn't mean they fall in love with every guy that walks around. I know I don't! I wish you luck on coming out.
Well, welcome to the club! I know exactly how you feel. I was in the same situation when I finally came to terms. I didn't know until after puberty as well and I also wondered why. I have no answers as far as that, but I can tell you it won't be a turn off for the guys. For some reason guys think its ten times hotter when they think of two girls together. It can be a weird thing when you just figure it out and you think about coming out. I've known for a while now and I still haven't come out to my friends at school. It's especially hard to choose a right time, but you'll know when you're ready. As far as denying it, that's just a step in the process of accepting it. It'll pass quickly if you already feel comfortable with it. I wouldn't suppress it even more than it already has been. Don't be afraid of letting those bullies be right. You'll just feel worse if you don't admit it. You should say who you are and be proud. So what if they say they saw it coming? You are who you are and they can shut up about it.
Hey there! I am in a semi-similar situation. In college just turned 22 and just a month ago realizing that I was interested in girls. Difference? I wasn't bullied in high school for "supposedly" being gay. Feel free to message me if you like. Talk, ask questions, compare experiences. High school was stupid, this is your life, make it into what you want it to be! Its hard to admit the truth to yourself sometimes. Just try to be open to yourself and go with what you feel. I dont like labeling! Don't use bi if you dont like it, I dont. Ive only told a few friends and I told them that I realized that I like girls. They were all female, but its not weird. If they ask if you like them, just them your just friends obviously! Or you can just say that your aren't interested in anyone at the moment, if they look awkward but wont say it/ask. If your worried about word spreading, tell your friends that this is your business and they dont have permission to share with others, because this is new for you and the last thing you need is gossip. If they are good friends they will keep their mouths shut. Again with the labeling. Being in the middle is a bit tricky, it just takes more discovery and adjustment. Oh I hear ya on the not noticing it! :eusa_doh: especially when i told my bi friend and she apparently had her suspicions since we were little! But yeah feel free to message me Im more than happy to share still figuring this out myself.
Yeah, you're right. I'm pretty sure my friends would be accepting--the thought of saying it is just nerve wrecking. Plus, my college is a private Catholic college, and even though the majority of the other students there are very liberal and not stuck up, I just worry about what people will think. I guess I shouldn't worry about it too much since I have a lot of guy friends who are openly gay there and have never had any problems, but I worry about whether it'll be different with me being a girl and bi. ---------- Post added 6th Mar 2014 at 07:30 PM ---------- Yeah, it feels weird to get used to! Sometimes I debate about whether it even matters and whether I should even come out, since I'm a really private person. But I know I need to be open about who I am and I've had a lot of my friends who are gay tell me that the more you hold it in, the harder you are on yourself and it's not good for you. So I'm just trying to come to terms with it. You're right about not caring what the bullies from high school think. I know it's totally silly to let that bother me, I guess it's just ingrained in my head from years of hearing people call me gay before I even realized I was attracted to girls. I'm actually planning on coming out to my best friend since 6th grade soon, and she was there to see all the things people said about me in middle/high school, so I'm sure her reaction will be interesting. I know she'll be totally okay with it though. Thanks for your help ---------- Post added 6th Mar 2014 at 07:33 PM ---------- Being in the middle is definitely tricky lol. Now that I'm slowly beginning to realize it on the inside, it's weird how I can go from checking out a hot guy one minute and then swooning over a girl the next, hahahaha. Saying the words "I'm bi" feels weird to me for some reason--I guess the label is weird, like you said. To quote Orange Is the New Black, "I like hot girls. I like hot boys. I like hot people!" :icon_bigg Thanks for your help, and I will probably message you to talk soon! ---------- Post added 6th Mar 2014 at 07:37 PM ---------- One thing that I did not mention which is a little important... my younger sister who is 16 came out as bi a few weeks ago. I'd been wondering what it'd be like to come to my mom and then one day, my sister just came out and said that she was bi (I completely was not expecting it). My mom took it very well, and when she told my dad, my dad was kinda just like "ok. ...so what's for dinner?":roflmao: They took it very well, but for some reason, the thought of saying those words "I'm bi" to my mom still terrifies me. I know my sister would feel better knowing she is not alone. I just need to accept myself first before I can come out and say it to them.
Hello again! I would definitely agree that being in the middle is hard. I mean, people understand bisexuality, but here I am, halfway between bi and gay. Also, just because it is a catholic college doesn't mean everybody will be against homosexuality and bisexuality. My family is baptist, so a different branch if Christianity, but they have expressed many times that they supported gay marriage and think that the people who use everything in the bible as fact aren't correct. My family family shares the view that science answers what and how we are here, but the bible answers why. Telling people should not be much of a problem.
Yeah, you're right. Most people don't take religion very seriously in college (not here anyway), but I guess I'm just worried about people's reactions in general. I haven't heard of anything negative happening to my best friend who is gay, but being bi is a lot different from being gay and there's a whole different set of issues with that (with some people thinking it's just the first step to coming out as gay or that we just can't make up our mind). It's silly!
