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Coming out to my husband?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by WhovianChik, Mar 6, 2014.

  1. WhovianChik

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    I have finally come to terms (mostly) with being bisexual. I tried to deny it for a very very long time, having been raised that anything like this is wrong. My brother in law came out as Transgender around 8 months ago, which made me start to think about my feelings more. I want to fully embrace who I am but i feel i cant do that without coming out to my husband. However, I dont want to put more stress on him. First his brother, then a mutual friend of ours is getting married to her girlfriend. He has not acted like it bothers him, but I am afraid he may just be keeping it inside. I am afraid to tell him :tears::confused2:
     
  2. GayCJ

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    If people are homophobic, then they usually are very open about their homophobia. If it doesn't seem like they mind about gay and lesbian marriage, they probably don't mind about gay and lesbian marriage. It should be fine to tell him.
     
  3. softsprite

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    Beware that some of the issues around coming out as bisexual are a little different from the issues coming out as gay or lesbian. For example, I was with someone once you was all about LGBT rights, went to pride and marches and protests...and when I told him I was bi he freaked out (which was a huge surprise, and a hurtful one--I thought he'd be the most supportive ally in the world). Not because he was homophobic, but because he thought it was silly for me to come out as bi when I was in a hetero relationship. Just beware of that problem. Maybe check out some bi resources online and consider the reactions you may get. I'm so sorry you're struggling. I wish you all the best! It does get better.
     
    #3 softsprite, Mar 7, 2014
    Last edited: Mar 7, 2014
  4. Omla

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    I also think it is hard and poses special issues to come out as bi.
    My wife and I have been together 20 years
    And have a nice fulfilling life with each other, as coparent,
    And as members of a warm and "progressive" community.

    Dispute this progressive stance, I'm not sure my wife could cope with the idea of a bi husband. In fact I fear it would end the marraige.

    Since I'm bi I sort of feel that I'm not a total liar but there is one thing
    That really bugs me.

    I don't know that complete openess with others and an enhanced freedom
    To act on homosexual impulses and explorations would play out.
    I could easily imagine myself becoming more all gay.

    I'm am 56 and not eager to open this Pandora's box.

    I wish I had experimented in my earlier life
    But feel that after being severely chronically traumatized
    By parental mental illness with no adult support as a teenager,
    I have been pretty paralyzed. Also I has severe OCD.

    I have had numerous heterosexual experiences which mostly pleased me.

    Anyway, I not only feel I deserve a pass on the odious imperative to come out,
    But feel the great life I've built has weight in my
    Choices.

    That said, what a relief it would be to know...
    But that knowing (through real homosexual experience) might very well result in the breakup of my family I adore.

    My wife is a very black and white thinker on these issues and other issues, but it still is worth it right now to me to stay.

    Of course I feel horrible about now being straightforward with those closest to me.

    Now I am healthy thanks to therapy and Zoloft.
    I am also very happy professionally...
    I'm an gainfully employed classical musician.

    Maybe doing nothing is the choice for me but I really understand why some writers have referred to being bi as a curse.

    Still in a profound I am most grateful for my blessings which are numerous.

    Sincerely,
    Omla, the happy closeted married with child bi guy.