I come out as Bisexual when i'm not

Hey, I'm bi and I'm not offended at all! I just hope someday you feel you can be upfront about who you are without having to worry. The most important thing is that you don't do what Dan Savage did a few years ago--saying that all bisexuals are in the situation you're in, just waiting to come out as gay. As long as you believe that true bisexuals do exist (you're just not one of them), it shouldn't offend people that you've chosen this gradual path. Take care of yourself and don't get stuck in the closet-inside-the-closet.

 

My two cents: it's not a good idea. Even genuine bisexual coming outs can be fraught with difficulty - the reputation of 'bi now, gay later' makes people slightly suspect on hearing "I'm bi" which, I imagine and hear, can be really stressful for (especially male) bisexuals who feel that their coming out is not treated with respect. In your case, 'bi now, gay later' is true, so I'd be careful.

Part of the liberatory and cathartic power of coming out is being honest - I really empathise with trying to soften the blow, but try to think about how you'll look back on this process five years down the line. Of course, this is just advice - you have to do what you feel comfortable with.

EDIT: I wasn't quite clear enough I don't think but what I meant was in a nutshell a 'bisexual coming out' can be just as hard, or harder, than a 'gay coming out' as the other poster has said...

 

Is it psychologically really that much easier to come out as bi than as gay? Like this, you'll have to come out twice instead of just once.

 

If you think about it, all you are admitting when you say you are bisexual is that you like guys. Everyone assumes you like girls be default so the only bit of new info you are giving them is that you DO like guys.

If you think about it, if they have a problem with you liking guys, it's really not going to make a heck of a lot of difference if you JUST like guys or if you like guys and girls, because either way you still like guys.

 

Don't stress too much about it, I did the same however I know now that it wasn't the best decision. As the others mentioned, some of my friends assume that I'll be going out with girls which defeats the purpose of coming out in the first place. I'm now trying to find the courage to come out again as gay but it won't be easy.

With that said, I know what you're going through.

 

I think that bisexuals wouldn't really care about that. You should care more about yourself, because coming out as bi doesn't make it easier. In fact, it makes it even harder, since you need to come out twice.
But it's not that big of a deal, you can tell them the truth whenever you feel like it

 

One thing's for sure--it's a lot easier to come out as bi and then gay than it is to come out as gay and then bi!

 

First off, I don't hate you. You are aware that "coming out" as bisexual perpetuates the notion that bisexuals are liars and uncourageous people. However, I do not expect you to be the example who changes the minds of gay men. Rather, I expect gay men to do their own research and fix their own cognitive biases that distance themselves from their multisexual brothers.

While it may seem like a "softer blow" to you, I would submit that it's not. As a bisexual, when I come out, I'm still a fag to them. To the hateful person, I am a gross and sick individual. The fact that I want to have sex with people who have vaginas doesn't render me any less terrible to them. I'm still in possible danger of being ostracized or even physically threatened.

Coming out about gender and sexuality always takes at least some courage, even if you're not totally honest.

I don't expect people to magically be comfortable with themselves immediately. I have had eleven years to process my gender and sexuality.

 

I see what you mean by that last part but for some it does make a difference, especially with family and stuff. To them, they can be more free with liking guys(or lesbians liking girls) as in like at least being open about it but it also casts the illusion that they may still wind up with the opposite gender as expected. Believe it or not, some are(not saying they will necessarily like you better, but from them seeing you liking both, they may feel there's more...hope in you 'doing right'?), at least more instead of completely, okay with it on those grounds(so long as you keep away from actually pursuing someone of the same gender; or at least hide it). Of course there are going to be those who do treat it as the same, or in some cases worse, as being mono but just throwing that out there.

I'm not saying it is right, as it does so hugely at the expense of actual bisexuals, but in plenty of cases it actually can be easier(for monos I mean). They can feel the burden lifted from having their true feelings in the open without having to admit that those feelings are exclusive, which in their minds is something they may still not be completely comfortable with.

With all that said though, as a mono myself, it's definitely not something I'd recommend doing unless you absolutely feel it is a must to help you out because, as pointed out numerous times, it only further adds to the negativity surrounding multisexuals.

This is also speaking from a closeted perspective, if that helps any. For the forseeable future I will just pass as straight to the general public and family until I am a lot more comfortable with myself.

Just looking at things from both sides here.