I have recently started questioning my sexual orientation. I have never really thought of it before, or questioned it. I have always just been nothing (i guess). I have never had a girl friend or a relationship with any one. I have found myself recently only hanging out with girls, All my Best friends are girls, I go shopping with them, pick out their clothes, & do there make up. I don't even have one friend that is a guy. I find that i don't now how to act around guys, I get really insecure and shy. I don't have any thing in common with them. I have always been teased tho, Since about grade 5 people have always told me that i am gay. Around the age of 12/13 i made out with my neighbor and we fooled around a bit. It has all lead me to think I am gay, and I don't have a problem with it. I know that i am attracted to men. But I really want to talk to my Best friend since grade 4, about it But she is very homophobic, and she says that she can't stand being around gay people and it grosses her out. I just don't now what to do!
It sounds more like she can't stand being around her image of what gay people are supposed to be like. Obviously she likes being around you. There's got to be something to that.
Probably the most telling thing you said was that being around guys makes you all nervous and uncomfortable. The other things are definitely gay stereotypes but you could just be a femmy straight boy *grin* but that kind of awkwardness is the same kind, I think, a lot of straight guys feel around women. Or that gay boys feel around other guys. As for your friend... that's a tough one. Do you have any close friends who aren't openly homophobic? Not necessarily as good as your best friend but maybe a little more receptive? Because starting out with someone who openly has issues with gay people can be tricky.
It's great that you have accepted yourself. Should you still find yourself having different feelings from time to time or you find yourself questioning things, take it slow, and take you time in figuring it all out. I wouldn't worry about with whom you are hanging out. I don't think it matters at all. As long as you are comfortable and happy with your friendships, I'd say go for it. When I was around your age or a bit younger I guess, I was very shy as well in part I knew I was different. Maybe your shyness has something to do with how you see yourself fitting into the 'larger society.' With time though, and as you become securer about how you see yourself fitting in, you will perhaps find that these feelings will subside. I agree with joeyconnick in that your best friend might not be the best person to come out to at this stage. Given that it would be your first time coming out, try coming out to someone, perhaps another friend, who might be more supportive. If possible try to build a support network around you, which can consists of friends, family members, counselors and EC of course. This will definitely help you in your coming out journey. I hope this helps!
You sound a lot like me on a lot of levels... didn't really question it until I was 16, didn't have girlfriends, most of my friends are girls. So judging by what you wrote, you're gay. (The fact that you're attracted to guys is pretty much all you need.) And I also have a pretty homophobic (or so I thought) female best friend from grade 4... Eerie. But that's besides the point. Basically, what I would do is first coming out to your girl friends, as you say you have many. They probably won't be homophobic, right? Plus they may suspect it already anyway. As you get more comfortable, it's safe to come out to your best friend. For me personally, she's wasn't as homophobic as I had thought. She just had a hard time accepting it, and since then we've had really good talks about homosexuality and she's not the least homophobic anymore. I think a lot of homo-incomfortable people change after they know a gay person, especially if it's their best friend. Now, my friend defends gays and pretty much accepts my sex orientation. Anyway, I hope it goes well for you. We're here for you
I only have 2 guy friends and one hates gays... they well i won't dive to deeply into that one.... I feel ackward around guys! its weird.... but latly i have worked through a lot of that stuff!
