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Writing a letter

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by BookDragon, Mar 8, 2014.

  1. BookDragon

    Full Member

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    Location:
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    Female (trans*)
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    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    OK so I'm writing a letter to my step-dad about my gender. Now I'm already out and living full time and since I live in his house he already knows (obviously) but mum thought it would help him understand things better if I wrote about it (since he won't ask).

    So I'm trying to write and I've hit a snag. There is one really important piece of information that I think says more about my state of mind than any other. But I have 2 problems with it.

    The first, is that actually he has not earned that kind of trust. I've only told 2 people in real life this information and he has not shown me any reason to make him the third. (And yet I will happily share it on EC...funny how that works).

    The second, is that no matter how many times I try and write this bit out, this really important bit, I stop because I get this image of him laughing about it.

    Any thoughts?
     
  2. LibraryKitten

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    Has he ever done anything that would tell you that you shouldn't trust him? (As opposed to just not having done anything to show that you should?) Sometimes it's really hard to trust, I get that. If you're worried he might laugh, or do something mean like show the letter to people without your permission, maybe it would feel safer to say the things you're thinking to his face? I know if I were him, I'd probably feel worse about laughing if it was in person.

    But even if you decide you shouldn't write him a letter, writing it out can help you organize your thoughts so you know what you want to say. If you're having trouble writing it to him, maybe try just spilling your guts onto the paper without thinking about how he'll react to any of it, and then worry about editing it afterwards. That's how I usually write, because I can be so judgmental of my own work that I won't be able to write if I analyze it at the time. Does that make any sense?

    And remember that no matter how he reacts, you have a lot of friends on EC who are rooting for you! I hope you have at least a few in person, too, since you say you're out and living full time. =)
     
  3. BookDragon

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    Out to everyone
    Perhaps trust is the wrong word...because it's more than that.

    What I think I need to get through to him, is one of a handful of things so personal and so private that I burst in to tears before I could tell my mum, and I am barely able to discuss with my best friend in the world.

    So it's not like I think he's going to tell anyone...it's more...I don't know...it just feels like that is the kind of information that you only share with the people you care most about in the whole world...and you guys sometimes because you know, anonymous support network...