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I keep feeling like there's no reason to come out if I'm bi?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by IsThisAName, Mar 10, 2014.

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  1. IsThisAName

    IsThisAName
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    Ok so if you've seen the other couple threads I've made in the past you know that I only just started really realizing that I'm probably bi a few months ago. However, as I'm still kinda in the denial stage and trying to accept things, I keep having this nagging feeling like there's no reason to come out. I've told only a group of my closest friends and I plan on telling my family soon, but I worry about whether or not I could ever be open about being bi or whether I should continue coming out to friends. I have plenty of gay friends and all of them are in different stages of coming out--one of them is out to everyone. I think that's totally awesome for him and I feel envious because I hope in some way that I can get there some way, but at the same time I keep feeling as if somehow my feelings of being bisexual are less valid than if I were gay. I know this is totally not true and I don't mean to offend anyone else who is bi. I guess it's just the fear of coming out and the denial of it all that's making me feel like this and I hope it goes away. Has anyone else who is bi ever felt like this as well?
     
    #1 IsThisAName, Mar 10, 2014
  2. Tongue Flicker

    Tongue Flicker
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    At first i thought it was okay to not openly admit to anyone that i'm bi thinking that one of these days i'll straighten up and forget everything about it. Apparently it doesn't work that way. It will only eat you up inside. Family either know it first or last so don't rush yourself
     
    #2 Tongue Flicker, Mar 10, 2014
  3. emptychild

    emptychild
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    Honestly, I'm having the same issue, mostly because of the issues bisexuals can and do have within the community.
     
    #3 emptychild, Mar 10, 2014
  4. softsprite

    softsprite
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    Same issue here. Tried to post on the other thread about it.
     
    #4 softsprite, Mar 10, 2014
  5. IsThisAName

    IsThisAName
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    That part about family either being the first or last to know is so true. I know my family would be accepting because my sister just came out as pansexual recently, but I still don't feel ready to tell them. I'm trying not to rush it but I'm always hard on myself about stuff so it's a struggle. :tears: thank you!

    It's good to know there are more people out there feeling the same as me. Anyone else have any thoughts?
     
    #5 IsThisAName, Mar 10, 2014
  6. softsprite

    softsprite
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    I lived in the revolving closet my whole life--gay-straight-gay-straight--as I moved from one relationship to the next. Every time it was like having to come out all over again and it put a lot of unnecessary strain on the relationships. And yeah I wished I was either gay or straight just so the whole issue could be settled and put to rest. I'm married to a guy so I could say I was straight, but that's not true, and it denies the validity of my past relationships. It is what it is. Sooo. I wish I'd come out as bi and stayed out as bi. I really do.
     
    #6 softsprite, Mar 10, 2014
  7. IsThisAName

    IsThisAName
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    I feel kind of similar even though I'm single. I feel this pressure to go on and live my life as if I were straight and just be with men. But I know deep down that I also want to be with women and that somehow I'm going to have to come out or at least accept myself if that's going to happen. All the judgment just scares me to death and what people will think of me, which is quite odd to me because in every other aspect of my life I usually couldn't care less what people think.
     
    #7 IsThisAName, Mar 10, 2014
  8. softsprite

    softsprite
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    I'm so sorry. Yeah, ironically I am extremely open about everything else and don't mind stating unpopular opinions on any subject except this one. I think that's because when biphobia hits, the attacks are usually pretty deep. The messages are clear: "You don't exist" or "You're either crazy or you're doing in for attention" or "You're either promiscuous or a liar." Very hard things to hear about oneself. Not to mention that there is real homophobia coming from the other side, and any bisexual with a same-sex partner can tell you it's just as hard being bi. Oh, but now I'm the "whiny, woe-is-me bisexual"--that's another stereotype you'll have to deal with. Ah well. It's worth it still. Maybe if more bisexuals come out people will see that some of us are pretty decent people.
     
    #8 softsprite, Mar 10, 2014
  9. theMaverick

    theMaverick
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    I'm bisexual and I just posted a thread about finishing up my coming out process. How to do it. I should say I've only experienced one instance of bisexual phobia/denial so I don't know much about that. The point of coming out is to live a true life. If you can be true to yourself without coming out, then I guess that's good, but there is a need for out bisexual people to show monosexuals that we do exist and we are a community and we are real people who aren't promiscuous liars just because we prefer both sexes.
     
    #9 theMaverick, Mar 10, 2014
  10. ComingOutInTO

    ComingOutInTO
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    I'm not going to lie - because of problems I had when I briefly put a "bisexual" status on a dating site I used, I wound up creating two different profiles - one straight, one gay. Now that I'm starting to feel more comfortable, I suspect I'll merge both soon (though I barely look at the "straight" one, and look at the "gay" one way too often :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:)
     
    #10 ComingOutInTO, Mar 10, 2014
  11. IsThisAName

    IsThisAName
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    I feel like I know I can't be true to myself if I hide my sexuality forever. Like I've come out to a few very close friends and it's nice to just be able to talk about some random chick being hot and them already I'm bi and not think anything of it, ya know? :lol: I feel more myself around those people. So I guess it's just something I'm going to have to do completely eventually. Plus, like everyone has said, I'm sure there's a need for more people who are bi to come out and break the stereotype and show that we are respectable people. I guess I'd hate to contribute to the cycle of prejudice by never coming out. Denial just screws with your brain in weird ways! :***:
    By the way, I read your thread on your process of coming out, and I wish you the best of luck with finishing everything! It will go fine :slight_smile:
     
    #11 IsThisAName, Mar 10, 2014
    Last edited: Mar 10, 2014
  12. softsprite

    softsprite
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    Omg THIS. Yes. Tried this in real life since I didn't use a dating site. Haha! Did not end well. :eusa_doh:
     
    #12 softsprite, Mar 11, 2014
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