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Advice needed please..

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by silverlinings, Mar 10, 2014.

  1. silverlinings

    Regular Member

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    Hello all.. I've just joined this site this afternoon...

    I need some advice please or if anyone can relate to my story it would be great to hear from you..

    I'm a 41 year old female living in the UK, I'm a single mum. I haven't had a proper relationship now for 8 years. I've slept with 2 men in the last 8 years and I had to be drunk to do this. In fact as soon as i think of having sex with a man now I automatically think i need a drink. I think about women when I'm alone. I look at women and think she's beautiful/she's gorgeous etc.. deff more than I do men. But I can't imagine living with a women and being in a relationship. About 12 years ago I slept with my best friend on holiday (female) and really enjoyed it and another girl a month later but didn't enjoy that experience cause I didn't fancy her enough I think.

    I keep thinking cause I've been single for so long I'm getting so confused and am I just making this all up in my head?? I'm also on anti depressants that have made me have no libido at all.

    I say to myself I must be Bi cause I'm sure straight people wouldn't even have to question it.. All I do know is through out all my life when I've tried to have a proper relationship with a man after a month or so I can't stand the site of them and they really get on my nerves and I go off sex completely. My longest relationship with a man has been 1 year

    The thought of saying to people i'm Bi Sexual or a Lesbian scares me so much as people do judge and I've been judged enough in my life as it is. I suffer from a mild Bi-Polar and even family have avoided me since telling them and Mums at my daughters school. No one even asks how I feel or anything. I just get on with my life and running my own business and bringing up my daughter on my own. My parents do help out when they can with my daughter... anyway I'm going off track... whilst talking about my parents ... when I imagine telling them I feel sick and just think I can't it's not normal!!!!! .... and then I start thinking surely i'm not cause if I was I would 100% know.

    I do feel very strange/confused/frightened... and I have this horrible feeling of am I normal?? How can I see if I am Bi or not?? I don't want to just go on one of these tacky sites looking for a women lol..

    Help please before I go crazy!
     
  2. emptychild

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    I'm thinking Sexually and Romantically Fluid? Because as much as bisexual would be more direct, but it doesn't seem to be a both with a preference, it seems more like potentially heteroromantic homosexual (or at least now)
     
  3. silverlinings

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    Thanks for your reply emptychild but I don't understand what you mean? sorry
     
  4. GoldenSnitch

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    What emptychild is reffering to is that you don't really have an orientation that can be easily "pinned down" or labeled. Gender and orientations are fluid, at different moments in time, in different contexts, and with different people we might feel different things that don't fit neatly into any label. In this case, you could just call yourself "queer", if anything.

    From what you stated though, it seems you might be heteroromantic homosexual, as emptychild again suggests :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:. That meaning that you are romantically attracted to only men (could see yourself in a relationship with, fall in love with, etc.) and sexually attracted to only women (only want to have sex with other women).

    If you don't mind me asking, did previous relationships with men not work for you because:
    1) You did not enjoy sex with them;
    2) There was no emotional connection such as to the level of the emotional connection you had with your friend;
    3) You were not romantically attracted to them.

    If 1), you might be homosexual.
    If 2) You might be demisexual.
    If 3) You might be aromantic.

    Or most likely, you're just fluid, queer. Trying to label yourself can drive you crazy. Try not to let all this bother you too much, just live your life how you want and experiment how you want. As for coming out, to your parents in particular, all I can say is good luck, and take it in steps. Come out to people you think will be most accepting and supportive first, and work your way to those you are scared will not be.
     
  5. silverhalo

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    Hey welcome to EC. First of all take a few deep breaths this stuff can make you go so crazy. No one here can tell you what your sexuality is or what you feel but I would say its unlikely that you are straight as you slept with a girl and enjoyed it, plus you think of girls.

    I think it's likely that you cannot imagine being with a girl because society has taught you all this time that it's wrong and you should want to be with a guy. The thought of coming out to your parents making you feel sick is totally natural it's a really tough thing to do, but you have to think about it in smaller more manageable chunks. There is no point worrying about how you would tell people until you have decided how you feel about it. Plus the fact it is difficult to tell people also can't change how you actually feel.