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I have a reason now, which is something.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by WiliamRoberts, Mar 10, 2014.

  1. WiliamRoberts

    Regular Member

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    Sexual Orientation:
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    I was talking to a friend who's having therapy at the moment, and she said I was like her: my parents had installed an image of the perfect person in my head, and I get annoyed when I don't live up to it.

    When I think about being gay, I feel guilty; it's like I'm letting someone (my dad) down, so this idea fits quite well. Somewhere along the line, this perfect person was specified to be straight.

    Not sure why this is, but it gives me some piece of mind that I at least have an idea of why I can't seem to tell someone I'm gay, despite the fact that everyone I would tell, would have no notable issue.

    Any thoughts on this?
     
  2. GayCJ

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    I know what you mean by wanting to fit into the 'perfect person' image. Not even my closest friends who I know I can trust with everything know who the real me is, because I want to fit that image to the people that accept my version of the perfect me. What other people think of me is a strange but fun to be around guy cracking jokes all the time. What I know I am is a bizarre person huddled up in a ball in the corner of my mind trying to put up a facade of being funny.

    Also, I told my dad at what was not the right time for me. I've been putting up a barrier between us since I told him, and now we're trying desperately to take it down. Don't rush yourself, I feel like my life is turning into a disaster because I did. Just remember the one thought that keeps me together: being gay was not a choice. It was thrust upon you, nobody wants to live a life shunned by so many.
     
  3. Tetra

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    I understand where you're coming from here.

    Growing up, my parents would make undertone comments about gay people, and criticize them. I once heard my grandmother say "I don't mind gays, as long as they stay far away from me". That struck me hard, and I can remember her saying it like it was yesterday (it was 10 years ago).

    Anyways, it's hard to break the mold your parents have set out for you. Everything they've wanted for you, and everything they hoped would happen. However, you need to remember that this is your life, not theirs. I'm sure they didn't do everything the way that THEIR parents had hoped they would.

    I may sound hypocritical for saying this, as this is the advice I should probably be giving myself, but you can't focus on making others pleased before you make yourself happy. If your parents can't accept you for being gay, then they don't deserve your company.