I'm not sure how to come out to my conservative parents. My mother worries me more than my father. My dad calls himself a conservative, but he's more "liberal" than my mother. My dad hates Fox News and Rush Limbaugh, which my mother almost religiously watches/listens to. My dad tends to be more understanding and accepting of other people. For example, my best friend is FtM trans. While my father doesn't understand how someone would feel that way, he accepts my friend, calls him the right name and pronouns, while my mother refuses to call him by his male name and use male pronouns. My dad thinks this is extremely disrespectful (which it is.) Neither are religious, they stopped going to church maybe 13 years or so ago, and they only went to church while I was at Catholic school till the 5th grade. When we moved and I went to a public school, we never went back. Not sure if they still believe in God or whatnot, but my mom and dad have said they don't like organized religion. I dated two guys, last one was 4 years ago. Not sure if that'll make them not believe me being lesbian, but the first one didn't last long, we never had sex...and my last boyfriend I only dated when I was underage because he could buy me alcohol (I know, I'm bad. Sorry.) Again, I refused him sex because I wasn't sexually attracted to men. Neither of my parents liked him because he was a deadbeat going nowhere in life (and still is last I heard of him.) My mother was always worried about me and "sleazy" guys, so hopefully she'd like me dating girls more, haha. I recently came out and have only been sexually and romantically attracted to girls, and have only had crushes on girls. I knew I was gay since before middle school, but told a few friends I was bi in high school because that was easier to say. I dropped the label later on and didn't identify as anything. They already know I wasn't into dating much, and more of a loner, but it was because I was closeted for so long and I had a hard time justifying dating men, even if it was just to cover up my sexuality. I never was attracted to them and turned down date offers. But anyways, I came out to my sister via text and she told me not to rush into coming out to them but wasn't sure how either would react, but she too was more worried about my mother because she's so "set in her ways." She gets pretty emotional and verbally abusive over dumb things easily, to the point of breaking down and crying and locking herself in her bedroom. The topic of gay marriage did come up maybe last year and she basically was like "marriage should be between a man a woman." But didn't give an explanation why she felt that way. I know she has nothing against gays as people, but I feel like Fox News and Rush Limbaugh brainwashed her and took her away from me. She's always so angry at the world and just parrots whatever Bill O'Reilly or Sean O'Hannity says. Now there's nothing they can do to me because I live on my own, but I still don't want her to "disown" me. I do love her, she's been a great mother despite the politics and raised me well, and I do want her in my life and at my future wedding when I marry my wife. I would love for her to change her views when she realizes someone close to her is gay. I just don't know if it's possible. Fox News took her away from me.
There is one thing you might wish to consider. It might just be wishful thinking on my part but it COULD be true...worth thinking about anyway! You've said three important things about your mother in this post. 1. She gets pretty emotional and verbally abusive over dumb things easily, to the point of breaking down and crying and locking herself in her bedroom. 2. She basically was like "marriage should be between a man a woman." But didn't give an explanation why she felt that way. 3. I know she has nothing against gays as people OK starting with number 1. I can think of 1 solid reason for someone to get angry, then burst into tears and isolate themselves from the world. Fear. You say your mum listens to these radical news shows and parrots whatever comes out. Now answer me this. If you had a strong opinion on something, you expressed it and people disagreed with you, how would you feel? Would you get angry at the other people? Our natural instinct when someone disagrees is to try and prove that person wrong. It stops being a conversation and becomes a battle, and this will lead nicely into number 2...What happens when you realise you can't win your battle because you've run out of ammo? Number 2. She didn't give an explanation. Now there are basically 2 ways that conversation could have gone. She either expressed the opinion, someone called her out on it and she couldn't explain OR she expressed her opinion, nobody called her out and she didn't feel the need to justify it. Now whichever one of those it is, doesn't matter. What matters is what it says about your mum. If she WAS called out on her opinions that she gets from the news, could she back them up? For a little while perhaps, but what happens when she realises that she doesn't have any good arguments. What happens when she gets to a point of no return, she has already argued, she can't back down but she can no longer find any way of winning. We're back to number 1. Panic mode kicks in. What do we do when we run out of good ideas? ANYTHING. In your mums case it appears that she basically just shuts down for a while, then comes back out and pretends everything is normal. So number 3. You KNOW she has nothing against gays as people. So there is a chance (it's slim, but there is a chance) that you being gay could be the thing that makes her stop parroting fox news. All of a sudden these things apply to her. Again, it's a slim chance, but you wouldn't be the first person it has happened to. Tell your dad first. That way if he takes it well he is already on your side. The last thing you want is to put a potential ally in a position where he has to choose between you and his wife.
ElliaOtaku summed it up. I would tell your dad, he seems decently supportive. Perhaps he could talk to her about the subject. It will take some confessions and honesty to make her stop her old ways of thinking of LGBT. Make sure u get prepared with tissues and lock the door with you in it with her when you come out! They don't seem too religious, which is more than half the battle. Goodluck!
Thank you! When you try to argue with her, she basically talks over you and repeatedly says "NO, NO, NO" when she doesn't have an argument. Forgot to mention she's a heavy drinker, hence her getting emotional and verbally abusive easily.
It is probably best to discuss it with your dad first, before you chat with your mum. It is interesting how people suddenly change their views when a family member comes out, maybe that will happen with your mother.
