I came out to my father about a year and a half ago. It was less than ideal but he didn't care that I was gay just as a knew he wouldn't. He is a fairly selfless man. My mom however, is still in the dark and I know that she is going to take it bad. Just to set the stage she is not very accepting of homosexuality, I would say bitterly tolerant, she is a strong believer in the traditional family. But that is not my greatest concern. My mother desperately wants grandchildren. I am her only child and she had me with, great difficulty, late in life. Up to now I have tried to make it abundantly clear that I do not like children and do not intend to have any of my own. I don't date and I have never openly expressed any desire to do so but she has been asking me those sorts of questions: "why don't you have a girlfriend? are you interested in any one right now" and the kicker "aren't you interested in sex?" I feel really bad for my mom, she is a miserable person and I feel like the only thing she looks forward to is the prospect of a grand child. All her friends are becoming grandmothers now and she keeps talking about how I will find a girl when I least expect it and fall in love, little does she know... I don't know what to do here, if I come out it will devastate her, being gay is the final nail in the grandchild coffin. Even if she still loves me (which I think she ultimately would), even if she begrudgingly accept me (a bit more doubt there), I don't want put her though that. My father tells me that someday I am going to have to disappoint her with the news. She deserves better than a gay son who will never give her any grandchildren.
Do you want to raise children? There are options for gay couples to have children. You can adopt, and that would be your child, even if not biologically. Or, you can have a child with one of your DNA and use an anonymous egg donor. If you would like to raise children, it is certainly possible, so it should be fine if you think that would be her only objection.
Nope, no desire to raise children on my part. I have my priorities in life and children do not factor in.
Hey, don't be too hard on yourself! You were born like this and any disappointment that you think she will feel ultimately isn't your fault, even though it is super difficult for you to do. As your mother I know she wants you to be happy and for you to be happy, it's necessary that you live your life as the way you are rather than pretending to be something you're not. I can't offer much help with how exactly to come out to her because I haven't come out to many people yet, but just remember that none of this is your fault and that even if she will be hurt initially, I am sure she will accept you and want you to be happy. Perhaps talk things over with your father more about your concerns and how she will handle it, how to tell her, etc., if he is supportive of you and since he knows her well. Good luck! (*hug*)
I'm an only child too. It sucks and hurts like hell to be gay under these circumstances. But we both have to do our best. Look at it this way, you don't want children, irrespective of orientation, so it's not like your gayness is the really important factor here... it makes it better when coming out to your mother.
Your right and I do try to look at it that way. In reality, my sexuality is only a small part or why I won't have children. But I worry that she would not see that way. She is always undermining my opinions by saying that I am too young to know for sure what I am going to do. In saying this she sustains her delusion, but being gay is much more difficult to deny. I think it will carry more of the blame in her mind so that to her it will read as "I will never have children because I am gay" instead of "I am a gay man who also doesn't want children"
Start by telling her that you don't want children. That might get the thought out of her mind for when you come out to her.
