The question isn't how I should come out to my family- it's if. They've been hardcore Christian conservatives all my life, and they still are. I support them in a way, but I KNOW that it is NOT okay for me to be anything other than straight. The thing is, I really like my best friend. (She is a girl) And I got to thinking, if I wanted to settle down with another girl, what should I do? I really love my family; I don't want to burn bridges completely, but I don't know how to deal with the utter distasteful disgust they have towards gays. There's no saving it. Even my friends agree. So I'm really upset with my zero-tolerance parents. I dunno if I should just walk out on them or try- which there really is no point in trying anyways. I just need some help from anybody who's been through this kind of thing. It's really been bothering me for a while.
Hey there! I'm going through a very similar situation to you. Now parents who are like that suck, I can say that matter of fact. Now I know it will be hard on you, and my advice might not be for everyone but here is something I'd try. First off ask yourself; How would your family react? Would they change their minds? Or would they boot you? I know this is going to suck to hear, but chances are if they really are that against it, it's best to wait. I know that is a really horrible thing to do. I'm still in the closet from my dad and people on this site have helped me realize that I should avoid confrontation. You're getting older and sooner or later you'll move out. Give yourself time to grow and get into a setting which is a healthy environment where you know you are safe. Then tell them. Once you are in a situation where they can by no means hurt you it is best to tell them that you aren't heterosexual. Hopefully they will accept you and you won't have to burn bridges. But if the don't, there probably isn't a way around it. I know this sucks to hear - believe me darling I know - but it's the sad truth. It shouldn't happen - people shouldn't reject you based on sexual orientation - but it happens either way. So I know this is bad, but if you don't feel safe or you feel like you would be hated in your household I would wait for the best timing. Wait until you know you are safe or that you think they would accept you for being who you are. If they're any good parents, they will. If not, I'm sorry once again to be the barer of bad news, but you may want to burn your bridges. It's a horrible thing, but when I came out to my mom I was fully prepared to walk out the door if things didn't go well. Until you are comfortable with possibly having to leave a bad situation it is best to avoid telling them. So my advice to you is this; don't tell them until you are fully comfortable and have a safe exit strategy if things don't go well. I hope I helped! And I hope things work out for you! (*hug*)
I wish I could provide advice on what to do but sadly I'm in the same condrum in respect to settling down with another person (in my case, a guy). In regards to coming out, I would say do not do it as it appears (judging on your "zero-tolerance" parents) that bad stuff could happen as a result. I say this because my parents are the same way. When I came out, my mom told me I could not get anymore money from her and if I ever brought my S.O home, we would BOTH get the boot. I was scared at that point seeing as I am in college and am in no way to pay for my school myself. Thankfully, my dad stepped and reminded my that I'm getting a zero interest loan from them. That made me soo relieved. Now back to your situation, since you don't have that financial crutch, I recommend not coming out unless you know you can be financially stable.
I agree with the previous posts: don't come out until there is either a backup plan or you don't live with them. However, I have come up with some counter arguments if you feel you really have to come out, I have seen some situations like that. But I seriously suggest NOT using these. 1. God creates and controls all. If he created me to be bi then being bi would be what God wanted. Hiding or trying to change myself would be against God. 2. When the bible says that it is a sin to "lie with men as with women", keep in mind that the bible many times says to commit yourself fully to one person, not to multiple people. 3. Why would anybody CHOOSE to live a life to be hated by so many? People commit suicide over being gay. If it was a choice, couldn't those people revert the decision instead of killing themselves?
If you're in a situation where your parents could do something in their reaction such as kick you out of their house, it's probably best not to tell them. I'm 15 and I have homophobic, religious parents and it sucks but I'm going to wait until college before I tell anyone other than my sisters (still working on my older sister). I don't even plan on telling my parents until I'm out of college and living on my own, because they may just flat out not pay for my college if they know I'm gay. It sucks to go this way, but that's just how it is sometimes.
