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Virginity question.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by TheSuburbian, Jul 16, 2008.

  1. TheSuburbian

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    I dunno if this is appropriate to ask, but I will anyway. Worst that can happen is I'm kicked out of here.

    Yes, this is my first post, but after looking around a while, I can see that I'll probably fit right in.

    Question: Am I a virgin after giving a bj?

    The story goes... My brother's had this friend for a few years, he's really nice, and really good looking. I mean he's a black belt in Karate, he has amazing abs, and he's cute too. well, I've always kind of had a crush on him, and he knew it. Kind of. I just recently came out to him, and at the time I was in a long distance relationship. Well apparently he felt sorry for me... and one night he was spending the night and I was upstairs in my room and he was downstairs sleeping on a couch, and he texted me. He typed,
    "remember what you used to say all the time?"
    "No, what are you talking about?"
    "You know, you used to say it in the car on the way home from school."
    "No, I don't recall that."
    "You used to say that you'd give me a free bj."
    My heart skipped a beat. "Where are you going with this?"
    "A free bj is a free bj"
    I was shivering, I was so excited. I am now, even thinking about it. "You mean it? I swear to god if you're joking I'll fucking kill you."
    "No, I mean it... I feel sorry for you that your boyfriend's all the way in California."
    So I went downstairs and sat with him on the couch. I asked, "Really?"
    "Why not?"
    "But... are you sure?"
    "Yeah. But there's no way to do it right now, Evan's in his bathroom and it's the only one big enough."
    "O-oh..."
    "But... you can have a feel if you want..."
    My heart was racing. "O-okay..." He pulled a quilt over our legs and I nervously undid his pants, shaking with excitement.
    He looked away, "Go ahead."
    I felt him, I'll leave the details out. I feel I'm precariously close to this being deleted anyway.
    Once he was hard, I couldn't help myself. "You know, we could use this bathroom... I mean, you could stand up..."
    "Hmm... okay, sure."
    He pulled up his pants, we went in there, he turned off the lights... best 25 minutes of my life.

    ...Afterwards, he insisted that I delete the text messages from my phone, that I was never to speak of it and, "...you'll get nothing more from me."

    So, is he really straight? Am I still a virgin? I have no idea...
     
  2. MeskElil

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    Personally, I say that if you have any form of sex (oral, anal, vaginal, etc.) then you are no longer a virgin. But that's just me. Many people have different ideas on the whole thing--it's a highly debatable topic. Some consider virginity to be a sectional thing ("Well, I'm an anal virgin, but I'm not an oral virgin," and the like). So honestly, it depends on your point of view. Do you consider yourself a virgin or not? It's down to your perspective.
     
  3. TheSuburbian

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    I don't know, I just have so much to figure out, that this is all just being repressed, like I'm not even trying anymore because if I do I get too confused, and I just wish I could get a boyfriend so it won't matter either way.
     
  4. MeskElil

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    Well, you've got all your life to find someone. And remember, relationships are about love, not sex, so don't get a boyfriend just for that reason.
    Maybe you just need to spend some time getting a little more comfortable with yourself and where you stand. I know it's hard. But sometimes you just have to wait it out and just become more accustomed to your own mind and your own heart. And then, trust me, love will follow. (Note my avatar and my signature.)
    (*hug*) We're all here for you. And if you ever need anything, PM me. I'm always here.
     
  5. Paralyzer

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    I doubt you'll get deleted for that, I mean.. I've both seen and heard worse.. HAHA, but yeah, you didn't really cross any lines that haven't already been paraded across.

    I don't know about the virginity question. Perhaps losing your virginity is when you do something with someone that COULD result in STD infection, not saying you were infected, but I mean, that's what you could base it on.

    Personally, I think since you gave instead of recieved (since you don't really get pleasure from your mouth) I think you're still a virgin. I mean, if someone asks you and you want to be brutally honest you could just say that everything except your mouth is.. HAHA, idk what I'm talking about..

    But welcome to EC :smilewave
     
  6. Lexington

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    My personal belief is that if you do anything sexual with any other person to reach an orgasm, then you're no longer a virgin. Penetrative sex, oral, manual - doesn't matter. That's my personal definiton. Most people don't agree with it. (I'm one of the few who counts manual as a non-virginal activity.)

    My gut feeling, honestly, is that he didn't feel sorry for you. Rather, he saw an opportunity. He was horny, you were willing...hey, free bj. The fact that he turned the lights off, and it took him 25 minutes, indicates to me that it wasn't something you're going to see a repeat performance on, though. That said, I wouldn't have any regrets. You probably thought about it forever, and, as you said, "best 25 minutes of your life". Treasure the memory, thank him (mentally, not in person) for the experience, and start working on finding a guy who wants to do it with the lights on. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  7. TheSuburbian

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    I know, I'm not looking for a boyfriend for sex... just companionship. Sex is a bonus :wink:
     
  8. TheSuburbian

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    Well the problem is, he says he's straight, he had a girlfriend... and well he used to brag about his endurance. ^^; I dunno, I really do wish that I could find somebody anyway, because for me, loneliness brings depression and depression brings loneliness... *sigh*
     
  9. MeskElil

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    Well, I think Lex gave some sound advice. He usually does :wink:
    And as long as you're looking for love and don't try to take it too fast, then I think you're fine. It's a question of contentment with one's own mind. As long as you're happy with yourself, it's good.
    Hope all my inexperienced words help a little...
    Loneliness is a plague that plagues everyone. The key is finding something to help with it.
    Write something or draw something, and come on to EC. We're quite sociable :grin: and I think you'll like it here. It really does help ease the loneliness.
     
  10. TheSuburbian

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    Well, thank you so much... I'm so glad I've finally found a place where I can talk openly! lol, I think I'm about to cry, everyone here so far's been great to me!
     
  11. Lexington

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    >>I really do wish that I could find somebody anyway, because for me, loneliness brings depression and depression brings loneliness...

    Yeah, it can feed on itself. But don't look to a "relationship" to necessarily end the loneliness. Spend more time with your friends. If you don't have many, go make more. Stay social. And if a relationship comes from it, excellent. A great relationship kicks ass, but being lonely is better than a lousy relationship. And many lonely people jump into lousy ones, feeling that a bad relationship is better than being alone. Huh-uh.

    Your brother's friend doesn't sound like a bad person or anything, but he's a dead end. You won't escape the loneliness going that route. Find another way. :slight_smile:

    ...and belated welcome to EC. I'm Lex, one of the advisors here. Feel free to talk about whatever's on your mind here on the boards, but if you'd rather talk to someone one-on-one via Private Message, feel free to hit up me or one of the other advisors. Just click on my name to the left there, and select "Send a private message". :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  12. tylerksub

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    Virginity isnt something that could be labeled that easily, we all just have what it means to us. In my opinion " dont know anyone else who agrees with it" you lose your virginity when you have any contact with another persons genitals in a sexual way and vise versa.

    *edit: finished this way too late*
     
    #12 tylerksub, Jul 16, 2008
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 16, 2008
  13. LostAddict

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    I think Lex said it right. He was horny and saw a free opportunity. A blowjob's a blowjob, you can't tell the difference between a guy's and a girl's mouth. So I think you should do exactly as he asked of you, and assume he's still straight, as from everything you said, it seems like he still is.

    As for whether or not you're a virgin. Most people go off of penetrative sex as the defining factor in whether or not you're a virgin. So by most people's definition you are. Besides, does it really matter?
     
  14. TheSuburbian

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    Thank you all ^^ I'm going to love it here.
     
  15. Wired106

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    OMG thats awesome haha. I'd say your still a virgin cause its not like sex. Having sex is... having sex.., not anything oral, so it doesnt mean that you lost your virginity. But i'd say your hella lucky with tht situation tht happened! =] . anyways, GL!
     
  16. halfy

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    hi, personally i consider having full sex (i.e. genital contact) as losing your virginity. however, you could consider giving a bj as being sexually active. i also think that your friend is straight but he wasn't getting any action so he got a bj from you instead. a lot of straight men will get action wherever they can. that's why he told you not to tell anyone, because he doesn't want anyone to think he's gay.
     
  17. Étoile

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    I believe if you do anything sexual with another person, oral, mutual masturbating, penetrative, whatever, than you're not a virgin since you've felt that sexual sensation that people feel when they do have sex. But if you think about it, it's not that big of a deal. A lot of people aren't virgins by the time they meet their boyfriend/girlfriend. That doesn't make them sleazy or anything, they were just horny, just like everybody else is some point in their life. Unless your future boyfriend specifically wants to date a virgin so you guys can experience your first time together, then it shouldn't matter if you had a quickie with a crush long before you met him.
     
  18. Leigh

    Leigh Guest

    i really agree with LostAddict on both points....

    except... he would know the difference wouldnt he... so im not positive about the sexuality part... but either way hes straight or in the closet so it doesnt really matter..

    and WELCOME :grin:
     
  19. Tim

    Tim
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    I am still a virgin in every which way a person can consider losing your virginity, and I've always considered ANY sexual act losing your virginity, but for some reason, when it comes to oral, I've always considered Receiving it as losing your virginity, not giving it. As you wouldn't say a girl lost her virginity cause she gave a guy a BJ. No you wouldn't. But most people would say the guy did.
     
  20. Cool Beans

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    I'd say you're not a virgin if you've done anything involving direct contact and stimulation between another's genitals and you, or your genitals and another. But really, it doesn't matter what I think because it's just a very arbitrary label. Virginity is a big gray area. Everyone's got a different opinion of what makes one a virgin. The fact is, you gave the guy a blow job. If you want to consider yourself a virgin, you have every right to do that. And if not, that's okay too.