So I finally came out to me mom. it was like 2:30 in the morning. I couldn't sleep, thinking about what would happen if I came out. So, rather than sleep one more night, I went in her room and told her I was gay. It was probably the best thing I've ever done. But now what? what is the next step? And how in the he'll do I tell my dad?(who by the by is a very devout Christian and MAJOR republican.)
Congrats on telling your mom! She reacted well, I take it? As for your father... I suggest that you talk to your mother about it (assuming she's comfortable with the situation). She (most likely) knows your father well, can maybe shed some light on how he might feel about this, and if she thinks it'd be okay for you to tell him, she might be able to give you some advice on how to tell him. If she's not open to helping you, then we can definitely help you come up with a game plan, but that's my first suggestion.
my mom reacted surprisingly well. of course I was crying and blowing snot bubbles because I was so scared. she was mainly concerned about me being discriminated against because I'm gay. she also said she was confused and she didn't think I was really gay because I've never had a boyfriend. I did ask her how i should tell my dad. she didn't have any advice. I'm really scared to tell him, but I feel like I deserve to be happy, and he deserves to know. how should I go about telling him I'm gay? any advice is welcome.
That's awesome that she's so caring. Her thinking you're confused is probably just part of the five stages of loss/grief. She obviously cares, so I wouldn't think too much of that. Now. For your father. ;D Honestly, you have the support of your mother. The easiest and most reasonable way I can suggest telling him is to catch him at a time where he's not busy or stressed, ask him if you can talk about something sort of delicate, tell him you've talked to your mother about it, and then tell him. It's normal to be nervous, but don't think that just because he's religious and Republican he'll be against it. He is your father after all, and if he loves you (it seems like he truly does, based on how you talk about him), he'll understand. Like your mother, expect some sort of cycle of grief/loss from him - Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. That's the initial advice I have for you. If you have any other worries, just shout'm out and someone'll pitch in their two cents.
Why that, sir? If he is a major republican an a devout christian, I doubt he will be supportive. Don't feel the need to come out to him if you think things could go bad.
Jonnemack, I say that he deserves to know because he is my dad, he raised me and I love him enough to be honest with him. I will admit that there is a chance that it could go bad, that he could react negatively, I am hoping that his love for me as a son will overpower any negative feelings, not all but at lease some.
Well, one reason for you never comming out to him (so far) was that he could not accept it quite good and might lead to a strange feeling between you two. I'm not deep into your family business and I don't want to but, he may have some high expectations on you since he saw you growing, he raised and loved you. I hope it's not his case but he can react bad to see some of those expectations broken, by seeing he has a gay son. That's the reason I'm not telling my family I'm gay. I'm waiting till I finish college, till I get a really good job and live successfully good. Then I'll might be the son they always wanted to see AND being gay after all. Am I being too radical on this? hahahaha
Well, that's kinda why I haven't come out to anyone until now, because it might have caused awkward feelings between people. I do understand that my dad has certain expectation of me, unfortunately he will have to realize that his expectations are not mine. I know it will be rough, probably for a while, but at this point already having come out to my mom, I have a feeling that if I don't come out to my dad, she (my mom) will out me.
If you are worrying about her outing you, ask her not to and she won't. Or else you can just tell your dad, but I wouldn't suggest that unless you are ready. I should know...
I wouldn't come out to my parents, but in your case you were really feeling bad about that and I understand it. Now I am going to agree with mister CJ up here. Unless you feel you need to come out to your dad, I'd BEG for my mother not to out me, for anyone! She has to understand your position, I mean, you're not entirely ready so it's better for your relationship of mother and son to keep it the way it is until you are prepared to tell your father. You might get hurt in the process so does he and your mother HAS to understand it for the good of the family.
I echo TJ's advice to talk to your mom about it a little bit more. Would you be comfortable if she told your dad instead? If not (and I can certainly understand feeling like you should do it yourself), she can probably at least provide a pretty good guess about how your dad will react. Your dad will not necessarily react negatively just because he's a republican (some people are financially conservative but not intolerant) or a Christian (the real message from the bible is about love and non-judgment, no hatred and discrimination). There's a real chance that he'll express some disappointment, but if he's a good parent he'll love you unconditionally and offer his support. You sound like you have a rather strong relationship so try to show a little bit of faith in him. There's a good chance his love for you vastly outweighs his own views or beliefs. I know if I ever come out it will be important to me that both of my parents find out at relatively the same time. I'd feel guilty for asking one of my parents to keep a secret like that and I think it would hurt my other parent's feelings to know that I placed more trust on the other one. That certainly doesn't apply to everybody -- I haven't seen this sentiment many times on here -- but I think that makes sense for my relationship with my parents.
