Something I Needed To Get Off My Chest. [Warning Could Be Sad]

*whimpers* Oh, my god. (*hug*) That's so sad... I wish I could help you with that, but remember, I'm here, we're all here to help you... If I was there, I'd so give you a hug. T.T

 

Hey.
I know you feel like a rotten grandson. But you're not.
I think you need to go and visit your grandma's grave and talk to her. you obviously have a lot of pent up feelings you need to get out.

Just because she's gone doesn't mean she can't hear you.
(*hug*) much love. Hope you realize it's not you're fault.

 

It sounds like you were with her on her last day right? Do you know how many people don't get to be with their grandparents on their last day? I'm quite sure your Grandma knew you were there and that was enough. She knows you love her. I really believe that. Do as others say and talk to your Grandma now. Either go to her grave or just sit down and write her a letter. I think you will feel better when you have done that. Its okay to feel upset and sad and miss her now and then but do try to remember good times. Its important in the grieving process. (*hug*)

 

Same...we're all here to help...lets all have a big group hug (I promise I won't crush y'all)

 

im so sry to here that and ur on the way to makeing it easier by geting ur feeling out. and yea it dose get better in time as u said its just been a year for some that may not be long enough and by thinking back to the times you where together will make u feel better even tho you are seeing the bad/say times.

and as others on here have said we are here for you

 

The advice given above is great. Try to come to terms with your grandma's loss.

In addition, think about how you can learn from this experience. Are there other people in your life that you'd like to spend more time with? Be more honest with? Tell them that you love them? You can't do anything about your past, and you can have very little influence on your future, but you can have an impact on today.

Take care! *hugs*

 

I'm no expert when it comes to how God works, but my feeling is that He's not going to judge you based on your actions of one day. God's a forgiving sort, especially if you feel bad about it.

When I went to see my Grandmother for the last time (about six weeks ago - she died a few days later), she actually asked me, "Can you ever forgive me?" I told her, "Grandma, there's nothing to forgive. You've always been a fantastic person in my life, and I'm so happy to have gotten to share it with you." I'm sure your grandmother would say the same to you.

Thank your grandmother for being a part of your life, and then go out there and make it the best damn life you can.

Lex

 

I'm sorry for your loss. It be tough loosing someone you love. I know this my sound corny but time does heal. You will always love her and the pain will lessen over time. Your not a bad person at all. (*hug*)

 

Just know you aren't alone with how you are feeling. My dad passed away over 5 years ago, and I'm still not over it. I was 13 (3 days before 14th bday, 3 days after my dad's 49th bday...), woke up one day and he was gone, my family did not think was important to wake me up when they brought him to the hospital when he had a heart attack, I woke up to my sister crying on my bed.

As others have said, your family always loves you, no matter what you may have done in the past. You may think she doesn't know it, but she knows you loved her, just know that. When faced with a loved one on a death bed, a LOT of people are speechless, do not feel bad over that, it's just shock, and it's completely normal and just by being there, you gave her your love and attention, which is all she could have asked for. I met my grandma for the first time in 5th grade, and we didn't meet again after we moved away from North Carolina. She passed away a couple years ago. However, I remember someone (I think my aunt) saying that just knowing she finally met us made her life so much better. In the same way, your grandma must've been proud just knowing she had a grandson like you, who was there for her on her last day.

Things do get better, and as much as I'd love to affirm what you think, it will never go away completely. There will always be a part of you inside that will miss her, however, it WILL get better on how bad the feelings feel. Soon they will become cheerful memories, remembering the good times you have. Just look forward to that and things will be ok. I'm sure your grandma wouldn't want you to be sad over her, just because you didn't go to meet her on occasion (if what I read is correct in how I read it...).

As tess said, visiting her grave and just venting helps, it gives you a sense that she's nearby, and listening. I hear stories about how my mom went to my brothers grave and did that a lot. He died before I was born, so I never knew him.

Anyways, if for some reason you ever just want to talk about it with a single person, feel free to PM me, I'm only 2 years older than you and I know about loss as well, and I know talking to someone near your age who knows about what it's like tends to help.

Sorry if I talked about myself too much, just referencing things I've gone through makes the post feel a bit more personal, and in a way, makes me hope that it shows you that I really am listening to what you're saying in your post. :3

 

Vampie is right Davey, it'll be good if you went and visited her. I know many times when I have regretted not being the best person I could be too someone, though I always told them, right before their last moments(And even after parting) "I love you". I know she will hear those three words.

 

I don't think we ever stop missing people we care about. My grandma died when I was 9 but I still miss her deeply.

It sounds like you feel guilty for how you treated her, what you didn't say to her, what you did say to her and that is probably what is keeping your grief from easing up. I know you will always miss her but you need to try and forgive yourself for your actions toward her otherwise you will continue to hurt as much as you do right now. I'm sure she loved you and cared about you and I'm sure you felt the same and I know that no matter what you did to her while she was alive, she still continued to love you. I'm not a deeply religious person but I know that wherever she is she is looking at you with a smile on her face remembering all the good times she had with you and she isn't focusing on the bad times.

I'm sure you are a wonderful person and you need to find a way to forgive yourself because you can't begin to get past all of the pain you are having until you do.

Good luck

Sam

 

First, you have my deepest sympathies.

Let not your heart be troubled. I concur with the advice given above. You have an opportunity to take a lesson from life and apply it. It is important to appreciate and validate relationships with people. Perhaps you did miss the opportunity to appreciate and validate this relationship. Let it serve as a reminder that you should not forgo future chances. By actively approaching relationships this way, you are acknowledging and validating your relationship with her.

I am reminded of a quote in "Fish For Life" by Stephen Lundin, et al., "Real conversations are the building blocks of relationships. Relationships are the cornerstones of life." The point being that most of the time we aren't really "being there" in a conversation. We are off, deep in thought, instead of really having a meaningful conversation.

Take care...

 

Hey...my grampi died when i was 5. For years after that--probably till i was ten--i'd have "grampi attacks" where something would remind me of him. I would burst into tears at one thought. I just want to let you know its ok. You don't have to let go right away. When your ready to you will without even thinking about it. Its probably harder because you were older, I barely remember my grandpa now, but i used to be really close to him. Just hang in there. It'll take a while before your over her, and you may never be. But that's ok. Its good that she'll always be in your heart. She knows that you love her. Hang in there Dave Dave.

 

Coming to terms with loss is the hardest lesson in life.

Everyone sees it in a different way, religion, beliefs, methods of mourning and the way you express or hold things all affect how quickly you move on.

Ultimately, in the end, all you can do if find a way that makes you feel content with the circumstances. Death at a young age can really make someone feel responsible or obliged to carry the burden. Understanding that this person wants only for you to be happy sounds very typical movie style but it's really true. The passed don't ask for forgiveness and forgive all; as the saying goes.

When i was 8 i witness my aunty (whom i marginally lived with) commit suicide, for many many year's i felt responsible for it and obliged to be the one to carry the burden of reason. It took a lot of soul searching and experimenting with different methods of mounring before i discovered one that worked. For the first year i cried a lot thought about the good times i will never have again, and the times in the past i COULD have had or should have taken advantage of. It was starting to make me very depressed and i found it really hard to deal with, so i sought alternative methods of dealing with it. I started talking to her grave; telling her what i have achieved, what i have learnt and how i have grown in life. From this i realised she wasn't missing out on my life, it wasn't my fault and i came to terms with the loss.

Of course i still feel pangs of saddness but I know she isn't missing anything. I know she wanted me to be happy, and the last thing she wanted to do was to stop me from doing so.

I think all this being the first death of a close one that i had experienced tought me a lot. Everyone has a different method of mourning, they can take years or days but to try and ignore it or to blame yourself, let it hold you back will just limit you.

2 years later when her son (my cousin, but basically a brother) whom was living with us for a while decided to follow his mother's trent, I found it a lot easier to deal with. I had discovered my way of mourning.

Good luck.
Everything in life takes time. A lesson learnt to learn another.
Don’t drive too fast or you might miss the scenery; and then one day you won’t know where you are and what you missed.

 

Don't feel guilty about what you could have done. You can never be really prepared for the loss of someone close, and no matter how much you did for them you always wish you could have done more. Truth is, it sounds like you really loved her, and I'll bet that's all that really matter to her.