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Acceptance

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by seeking, Mar 13, 2014.

  1. seeking

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    How long did it take you to accept your sexuality?

    what steps did you feel help you accept your sexuality?

    what parts of your behavior/emotions made you feel you might be gay/lesbian (like give me details like a venn diagram emotions/behavior towards men vs females) ?

    Thank you for any responses! (&&&)
     
  2. Ghost93

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    I didn't have any obvious sexual feelings until 8th grade, but before that there was something a bit unusual about how I felt about men. Like looking back I realized I had a crush on some guys but at the time I didn't know really why I was so interested in them.

    Anyway, it probably took me about six years (from 14-20) to accept my sexuality. Initially I felt like it was a brief phase that would quickly go away. From about 16-18 I tried to convince myself I was bisexual. I would never identify as gay. Because deep down I knew that if I was gay, I would either end up with a guy or nobody and eventually everyone would know (I felt if I was bisexual I could at least choose a girl and cover up my attraction to guys forever). But by the time I was 20 I realized I needed to stop fooling myself as I was never really attracted to girls. There were a few girls I tried to emotionally attach myself to but I knew I couldn't ever be in a relationship with them. I mean...to be completely unsubtle, I got a boner often when I thought about a guy and I never got one when around very hot girls.

    Religion and Christian parents played a big role in having a hard time accepting myself. For many years I feared that if I was gay and if I would get in a relationship with a guy I would end up burning in hell for eternity. I remember in my mid teen years praying that God would change me so that I would no longer like guys anymore and I wouldn't have to worry about hell.

    Over the years I became very skeptical of Christianity and the more I studied it the less convincing I found it to be. I also really grew to dislike the character of God as described in the Bible and I resented my parents for forcing their beliefs on me. Eventually I just stopped believing.
     
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  3. Sorceress of Az

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    For me it was a painful lifelong process that I just recently got over accepting who and what I am.
    however I am still in the closet, I just am no longer in self denial about it.
    My teen years where a swirling pool of confusing emotions.

    I think I am gender_fluid, or non-binary gendered of some kind. Still kinda sorting that out mentally.
     
  4. Randy

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    It took me a very long time for me to accept that I was gay. Well first I convinced myself that I was bisexual because I wanted to hang on to every last thread of 'society's norm' that I could muster. When I first realized that I was getting the feelings for the same-sex, I panicked and thought it was just a phase and there's no way that I could legitimately be having these feelings. I was raised to believe that homosexuality was wrong and should not be accepted and when I found out what homosexuality was, I panicked because of my feelings toward the same sex. I first showed signs when I was in middle school, put it on the back-burner, questioned my junior and senior year, said "ok, I'm not straight" and then came out to myself before my second year of college. So journey was all about 7-8 years.

    Honestly, putting two and two together. After reviewing my first thread posted on this forum, it was blatantly obvious that I was gay. And the community here me make sense of all what was going on in my life.

    I'm getting tired of typing on my phone, so if you would like to read my initial thread: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/coming-out-advice/68445-dont-know-what-believe.html
     
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  5. seeking

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    I can totally relate to all of you about the religious beliefs interfering/slowing down my acceptance of self. I did a little test on my aunt and i said "What if i was with a girl would you be fine with that?" and she said "i would be disappointed, but if your happy i am happy" Hmm....

    I already saw how they treated my gay uncle.

    I've thought i was lesbian in middle school, but i swept it under the rug and haven't payed attention to it. Then it came knocking on my door 2 years ago. I think i have almost fully accepted that i am gay, but i still have my moments.

    Thanx for your replies.
     
  6. StillAround

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    How long? 56 years...

    What steps? Seeing a very close friend, 45 years younger than I, with his new boyfriend, casually holding hands at a family gathering 7 weeks ago. I wrote a thread about this in the Later in Life forum, if you're interested.

    I've had romantic feelings for women (after all, I married twice), but they were never really sexual. But I've had both romantic and sexual feelings for other men for decades (though I never acted on them). Denial is not just a river in Egypt. (*hug*)
     
  7. GayCJ

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    Only a year for me, it was when I found this forum that I accepted it.
     
  8. Rokosmodernlife

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    It took me a good while to accept my bisexuality.

    I was taught that you can only like men or women, not both. So, in 6th grade, when I recognized that I like women just as much as men, it was a constant battle with myself. Throughout middle school and highschool I was conflicted thinking that I can be a lesbian or I can be straight, but I can't like both sexes. It wasn't until my freshman year of college when I met others who are bisexual that I realized you could like both sexes and I become comfortable with who I am.

    As I said, I'recognized that I like men and women in 6th grade. But when I looked back I've had crushes on multiple women before hand, I just tried to ignore them (such as when I had a massive crush on my best friend for around three years) but otherwise there were no real signs. I just kind of knew.