So I came out to my mom, and I was planning on coming out to my dad tomorrow. Well I get home from work today, and my mom tells me that my dad knows. Of course I ask how he knows and low and behold, she told him I was gay. In a way I understand, because keeping your child's sexuality a secret is a big thing to keep from your spouse, but I also feel betrayed. How should I handle this situation?
See how your dad takes it, first of all. If he's supportive, then you're very lucky, but if he isn't, start talking to your mom. Coming out should be something to be done properly by you and in your own time, and I don't blame you for feeling betrayed that she revealed that you were gay, but you have to understand what she must be thinking. She's just realised her child is gay, that your life will take a different path that she thought and she may never have grandkids - they're pretty hard things to keep to yourself, so don't blame her too much. Just talk to her and ask her politely why she told him without your consent.
She may not have thought she was doing any harm, and she may have thought it was in your best interests. Her intentions may not have been sinister even if they were against your wishes. The key question is 1. was your mum supportive and 2. how did your father react? You could tell her (don't start shouting or ranting though, it may inflame the situation) that you would appreciate it if she will not announce your secret in the future without your consent. Do keep us updated about how you and your parents are coping.
From what she said, he reacted well. He said that this is not the lifestyle that he will accept for me, and that we will be praying for me.:dry: He didn't explode or anything, so I'm not as nervous to tell him. I kinda of understand why she told him. Telling a my mom I was gay was alot of news to take in. But since she is being really supportive, I have a buffer between my dad and I should things ever turn sour. My mom keeps saying she's confused how I know that I'm gay because I've never been with a guy or a girl. To whit, I tell her, it's just something you know, you feel it in your gut. So far, besides that, my mom seems to be coping well. She talked to her pastors wife try and get some advice, to whit they said "Just pray for him". So far, so good considering!
Sometimes people don't understand that this is something that we would like to tell others ourselves. Some people see sexuality as a sort of "public knowledge" thing, since we see it so much in the media now. Even though this has already happened now, you could sit your mom down and have a conversation with her about it. I know that I had to have one with my mom when I was just starting to come out. She easily could've been trying to help you. (Not saying that that makes it any less painful though). It's a good thing that he reacted well Congrats on coming out to your mother, and I'm sorry that your mother outed you.
Thanks for the quick advice everyone. I'll keep you posted as things develop. Wish me luck, tomorrow I am officially coming out to my dad, post outed, but we are going to talk more about it.
-UPDATE- I officially came out to my dad today. It went surprisingly well. We did disagree on a couple of points though, as expected. He keeps insisting that I CHOSE to be gay, and keeps saying that he will pray for me to overcome my sin of homosexuality. Which I'm ok if he holds these opinions, as long as he can accept that I will oppose those opinions. So, I'm fully out to my parents. :icon_bigg
@ The OP: I'm really glad you had the courage to tell your mom. Did you specifically ask your mom to keep it to herself? I know it's understood that you don't out people in the GLBT community but straight people have to be told this. It does seem to be working out fairly well for you. (knock on wood.) After the initial shock my mom and I had a sort of truce. We prayed for God's will in each other's life.
I did ask my mom to let me tell my dad in my own time, but she couldn't keep it from him I guess. I don't mind if my parents pray for God's will in my life or peace in my relationships, but I do have a problem with them trying to "pray me straight".
Well done! I bet you are relieved. Just make sure you don't allow your parents to try and turn you straight Hopefully over the time they will stop all this god turning you straight silliness.
Sorry that they are praying to make you straight, but maybe they will change their mind with time. Good luck!
