Hi everyone, Not really looking for advice so much as to say something. I got really used to just not having to keep any secrets at all. But I'm not far enough along in my opinion to really get anything out of transitioning socially yet, or to interview for jobs as myself, so I interviewed in "guy mode". Now my "guy" is a lot more queer and IDGAF than it used to be, I'm not anticipating a lot of challenge when I am ready to come out and I'm pretty sure a lot of folks suspect, but there are a bunch of little differences I'm noticing. Big one, it's a lot harder to socialize with guys. I mean it always was - I used to be the biggest introvert. And I'm talking more than I used to. But... wow, big thing, a lot of them are way obsessed with getting laid. It's like all they talk about And they are so insecure, everything about anything outside the cis hetero world is either embarrassing or you make it clear you are joking. I mean there is still a lot of common ground. Guys typically have a great sense of humor and you can bond over a beer. But there is so much that is like, how did I do this before? Why is this suddenly so weird? The other biggie is, when I'm not quite so "out and proud", that old nagging self doubt that I thought I was past is like right there. I deal with it better - again I'm showing up to work with long hair, earrings, purple shoes, I'm still losing weight and becoming more feminine, and I usually even don't stop myself from using the body splash in the morning. But even though I don't really cave to it any more I still feel this weird pressure to act like a guy again. And it really sucks, and is as exhausting as it always was. So yeah, pretty sure I'll deal until I'm ready for "the big switch". And again these are the kinds of problems I wanted to have not too long ago, I love having a good job and am not complaining really. Just feels good to get stuff out. Anyone with similar stories for the thread, the more the merrier.
Not transgendered, but you can never get tired from being yourself. Hang in there, you'll have your day when you can wake up and be completely happy with who you are. (*hug*)
Hi everyone, I figured this was out of the way enough that I wouldn't be causing a big scene. I used to be Cassie29 . I got tired of switching back and forth between my name and my pseudonym. I still take the CoC very seriously and don't use this name anywhere but EC. So in case there was any confusion.
