one of my fears about coming out to my parents is what the rest of my family will think, and wether i have to come out to them or if my parents will spread the word. I know that really depends on what my parents are like, but did any of your parents tell the rest of your family or how did the rest of your family find out? my cousin is getting married next year, or this year i don't know actually, but i'd like to take my boyfriend if we're out the closet but do i have to tell everyone or what?
I'm in the opposite situation. My parents don't want me outed to extended family, but i don't really care about them knowing. Do you have any worries about the rest of your family knowing? You don't have to come out to everyone, or even come out at all if you don't want to, but as you want to take your boyfriend to the marriage, i say tell the ones in the family you think you are closer, or those who will be more supportive.
I would have a conversation with your parents to clarify what you want. They may want your extended family to know, but I believe that the decision should come down to you. If you want them to know, let your parents know that. Just tell them "I'd like X to know my identity" and I'd also specify if you'd rather tell them yourself or let your parents spread the word. If your parents are against telling family, I would keep it hush hush until they're on board with the idea, assuming you're reliant on them for support of any kind. Just my two cents.
My mom asked me not to tell anyone else in the family. She said they wouldn't be as understanding as her. Ironic, since she told me she didn't want a gay person to come to her house. She also told me that "that lifestyle" was not pleasing to God.
My parents told aunts and uncles, who in turn told cousins. You could take your boyfriend to the wedding and introduce him as such. How would you feel about that?
You just need to tell whoever's important. News will spread, but if the people you care about already know, then you've got nothing to hide. Loads of people have asked me since coming out if I'm actually gay, I have no idea who they might have heard it from seeing as though I only told a handful of people, but I'm out so the default is for me to assume everyone knows, even if they don't.
I was never close with my extended family. When I told my parents, the biggest surprise was just how supportive people who I thought hated me were. In all honesty I am closer now with all my family for being myself. I know this is not the case for a lot of people, and I am very grateful for what I have.
I'm really unsure of how my relatives will be, I get along well with my aunts and uncles, so i see no reason for them to really be unsupportive, it's just the whole idea of coming out, the way i think of it is having to come out to them all while at my grandparents, standing in the middle of everyone and making the big announcement, problem with that is the idea of coming out to anyone just so i'm out is kinda scary, plus i don't feel like it should be made a big deal and such require any announcement, just because I have a boyfriend, I don't see any issue or difference what so ever, it sucks to think we still to "come out of the closet" so to speak rather than just showing up with your boyfriend and people finding out that way and everyone just like... meh cool, and nothing changes kind of thing if you people get what i mean, I already know my parents will be unsupportive though, after telling my mum she asked me not to pursue it and told me she spoke to my dad about having a gay son and though she didn't out me to him, she found out he wouuld be against having a gay son, so unsupportive parents wont help much.
Well you said that you don't like the fact we have to come out, and people should just find out when we turn up somewhere with our boyfriend. Well once you've come out it's like that. For example I've told everyone that's important. I automatically assume everyone knows now, but it's clear not everyone does. Still, because I'm out a lot of people might only find out when I turn up somewhere with my partner. Coming out isn't really for other people at the end of the day, it's for you.
maybe you're right pluvia, but if it was just for me, then why do we all have to do it? why have i not heard of anyones parents finding out on purpose by the child introducing the parents to there boyfriend? I think with most people it's fine to just say it like it is, but with parents and maybe family members, you need to come out before saying... he's my boyfriend kind of thing.
I meant that coming out is a hurdle you have to overcome for yourself. You only need to come out to the important people in your life for you to be "out". Once you've came out to those people, then you wont have to worry about coming out to people who aren't important to your life. For example I automatically assume all my friends parents know, when there's a chance they probably don't. The first time they might find out is if they see me with my partner for example. You don't want being gay to be a big deal, you want to be freely out without having to hide, but paradoxically to get to that stage you have to come out first. You don't have to tell everyone, only the people that are important, because once you do that it wont matter who else knows.
I would suggest not telling them until you're comfortable with the idea. Take your time, it's perfectly okay to take your time.
My mother was in shock at first, but came around. She has never outed me to anyone. She says when I become comfortable and accept myself is the time when I can tell people. She says it isn't her place. When my sister found out she asked her bi friend about me. She was trying to understand what I was going through. I have also told couple others and they treat me the same. Most even add that if I don't want to tell someone then why should they out me.
Maybe you should just try and talk to your parents. Don't make a great deal about it and you'll see how they react. If you tell them about your worries concerning your relatives finding out, they might help you with deciding whether and when you should tell them and even support you. Or you could simply ask them not to tell the rest of your family. As adult people who love you they should be at least able to fulfill this wish of yours if you ask them too.
